Bruce Wagner - Dead Stars

“O! So sorry! I didn’t mean to offend . Because from that look on your face, it’s like, O! I said something to really insult you!”

“You’re tripping, Reeyonna.”

“Maybe it wasn’t her blood. Maybe it was her shit. Maybe it’s just grenade shit —— ”

“Man you’re talking crazy.”

“You haven’t even seen crazy.”

“You know she’s a dyke .”

“O yeah! I forgot! She’s a dyke! That’s why she’s been fucking my brother for like 14 years! But maybe he has a pussy, maybe he’s just a big pussy! I gotta give you the benefit of the doubt, right? Have you ever seen my brother’s pussy?”

[ He shakes his head, pissed/loaded ]

“Skanksnake is bi . She’s a bi-sexual bi-polar CUNT.”

“And if I get the part in the movie, you’re gunna have to kiss her ass .”

“No, that would be you .”

“Cause I couldn’t have done any of that audition shit. I wouldn’t be going down there tomorrow. She really helped me.”

“Helped you get a disease maybe.”

“Reeyonna, you know what? Fuck it. Whatever.”

“Whatever? Whatever? You have no sensitivity to my feelings! You are so mean to me —”

“Come one Ree, don’t cry. Come on now—”

“You better wear a condom when we fuck.”

“Whatever.”

“Whatever? Whatever you fucking PIG I fucking HATE you!”

“Don’t be throwing shit at me—”

“Aren’t you even attracted to me anymore? [she went to Macy’s & bought a limited edition Karl Lagerfeld Impulse dress, she bought it in a bigger size so her stomach would fit, & took in the rest by sewing by hand, he didn’t even say anything, how nice she looked, she did up her hair too] You’d rather fuck a 35-year-old?”

“She’s 31.”

“O my God, you’re defending her——”

“I’m not defending her, Reeyonna. I’m not fuckin her either.”

“Why don’t we do it, we don’t even do it anymore.”

“I told you it’s hard with your stomach getting big like that. Cause when I start I feel like man I can’t put that in you cause it’s all like ooh whoa shit I’m gunna hurt the baby! I know it won’t but it’s still in my head.”

“Well try to get over it.”

“I know. I will. I’m sorry.”

“You are?”

“Yeah.”

“You still love me?”

“Yeah. Hell yeah. You’re gunna be the mother of my child.”

“Not that way, the other way. Do you still love me the other way? Like do you still want to fuck me?”

“Yeah.”

“Then say it.”

“I love you the other way.”

“You still want to fuck me?”

“Yeah.”

“But do you love it, do you still love it?”

“Yeah I do.”

“What do you love. Tell me what you love.”

“To fuck you. I love to fuck you.”

“Then why don’t you. Why don’t you fuck me.”

“Like when like now?”

“Come on come on come on & FUCK me. Don’t you want to make me come & suck my milk? I’ll make you come so hard.”

“Go in the bedroom, Ima get some weed.”

“Where.”

“From Jerzy.”

“Is he home?”

“From his stash. He said it was OK.”

“Not the joints that are dusted.”

“You know I’m not down with KJ.”

“It could hurt the baby. If he has roxys, can you bring me?”

“Are u even supposed to be doin that shit? Roxys n shit?”

“The doctor said they’re cool. & I went online & there’s a whole list of painkillers that are OK if you’re pregnant.”

“I’ll look for em.”

“Then you’ll come back & fuck me?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait — tell me what you’re gunna do when you come back.”

“Gunna fuck you. Ima gunna be all over you.”

“ Who you gunna come back & fuck?”

“You.”

“Reeyonna.”

“ Reeyonna. Ima come back & fuck Reeyonna. ”

“Where are you gunna fuck her? Where on her body. . . .”

“Ima fuck her pussy. Ima fuck her mouth & her ass. Ima fuck that baby out of you, bitch.”

“You know I’m gunna let you, Rikki.”

“Then you know I’m gunna be there. I’m gunna be there doin it to it.”

“Ooh I really miss it Rikki. Ooh Rikki Ima gunna make you feel so goooooodddddd. . . . . . ”

“Then let me go ’n get that weed, girl. He got some Viagra & cialis & shit too, Ima wanna smoke a while & let all that shit hit me so I can get over it, you know help me to get over stickin my dick in & pokin that baby in the eyeball. Ima smoke a little weed & you can suck my dick.”

“Our baby’s gunna be really happy you dropped in.”

“Ree, come on now, don’t say that shit!!!!!!!!!”

“Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Now you’re gunna make me all neurotic—— ”

“Go on & get that weed , Mr. Neurotica. And dont forget the Viagra . And dont forget the Roxys .”

Celebrity Miscarriages

The

theft shocked & hurt, embarrassed her, but what could she do? Her daughter was out there in the world, five months pregnant — no way would she call the police. Even though her small circle of friends said she should. “On Intervention ,” said Albie, “they always tell the parents to call the police. They say if you don’t, you’re just helping your kid to stay sick.” There was still no way.

After the initial shock, Jacquie had a good cry over the loss of the cameras themselves. She pictured them in her mind, saw them, felt them, the reaching for & the picking up, the straps even, the cold compact steely heft of their bodies, the exquisiteness of the machines, saw herself screwing/swiveling the lenses, the battery packs, the armatures as a soldier assembles his rifle, with love & respect, pride of ownership & mastery, stuffing their guts with film, attuned to each’s quirks & hiccups, each its own idiosyncrasies, how she watched over them, like a good mother paying closer attention when they got subtle bugs or technical fevers & if it lasted or grew worse, bringing them to the camera doc, leaving them overnight or even for a week in CCU (camera care unit) to be healed, always worried she might never see whichever baby again, not due to failure or impossibility of repair, but fire in the camera hospital, or… theft. They were part of her & she, part of them, for better & worse; each helped carry her through chapters of her life. Yes, they were her children as well, & the irony was not lost.

She knew that Jerilynn felt

why had it been impossible to call her Reeyonna? She practically begged me & I wouldn’t, I thought it was silly, to say ‘Reeyonna,’ + I didn’t like her changing the name I had given her, even though it was a terrible slight to her father because the root was Jerry/Jerome, I named her as if she belonged to the Professor, & now, to not call her by her ‘tween’ name seems so utterly hurtful, sadistic, insane

betrayed not just by her mother but by them , treasure chest of cameras, tireless, ostensible instruments of Reeyonna’s putative wealth & liberation, cheated by the mechanical eyes that had probed & proposed to her whorls of underage skin, she allowed them to with the innocence and capitulation of a child she let them in, she gave herself to them and they failed to protect. Reeyonna once told her that she read in school how the Indians wouldn’t let their pictures be taken because they thought the camera stole their soul, & it had all come true all of it———