Bruce Wagner - Dead Stars

With each passing hour, he saw himself engineering what the Internet called an epic FAIL, a professional, personal, spiritual blunder. But there he was, taking the meetings, there he was, already out there, making plans. Producing — he’d even hired someone to do a budget. Yes, yes, it was way preliminary, but still… he was doing the act as if that All That Jazz was going to happen, that it had to. That it must. Maybe he shouldn’t be moving so fast. Maybe he should just sit with it for 6 months, even a year. He didn’t want to be like Warren either. Warren had been talking about the Howard Hughes movie since Precambrian time. I don’t have the luxury. I may not have three years. He needed a reality check. Could be he was just chickenshit, a classic case of the jitters. The trouble was, he couldn’t sort out old fears (the ones long before his cancer, childhood ones mixed up with his father) from the new. If anyone could get to the bottom of it, Dr. Calliope could. She was a deepsea diver that way, deepsea diver extraordinaire .

He was her analysand in the early 70s, during Streets . Calliope Krohn was the shrink to the stars; she knew how to navigate the celeb mindset. No one intimidated her. The celebs appreciated that, it was a special gift.

Her old patients kept in touch by phone, some just to chat and check in, others to seek informal counsel. Former clients — what they used to call marquee names— were an aging tribe of legends, & the old Krohn was their Yodagirl. They’d all been through the wars together — in one-on-ones & weekly groups that she ran out of her office in Beverly Hills — their private, deeply personal melodramas often played out for the insatiable public, a public that, with the advent of the Internet, became a rapist, a rampaging, murderous home-invader. A remarkably high percentage of the Tribe had endured, managing to hold onto their seats at the cultural table, still rich, famous and recognizable by the dullwitted man-on-the-street of China, Finland, Capetown, where have you, & for that they credited the doctor’s governance.

So they called & they called & they worried, & sent care packages: deli from Factor’s, pasta from Dante’s, takeaway from Spago’s (a nostalgic nod to a man called Swifty), platters from Bristol Farms (nostalgia again, because it sat on the land where Chasen’s used to be), cupcakes from Sprinkles, yogurt from Yogurtland, flowers from The Empty Vase. Because most were in the Academy, they sent DVDs of whatever films were up for awards that year, sometimes their own. They sent personal assistants to check up on her when they weren’t checking up on her themselves because after all she was almost 90 & steadfastly refused to employ caregivers, she barely let in the twice-a-month housekeeper, & her Tribespeople (justifiably) worried she would fall, that when she didn’t answer the phone she was in trouble, she’d fallen & couldn’t get up, or was dead. Only a month ago, two Oscar-winning actresses & a Tony/Grammy doubleheader descended upon her Trousdale home at the same time, unbeknownst to each other, because they kept getting a busy signal, keystone kopping into the house through the sliding glass backdoor that was forever unlocked, startling her in her usual plunked-down spot, half-dozing/watching TV, always one of said hundreds of DVDs, starred in, produced, directed or written by her minions (in-home festival that revolved year-round), the phone hadn’t been properly put back in its cradle, that’s all, everyone had a laugh, perfect anecdote to be neatly folded & put away until employed on the day of the eulogies.

Dr. Calliope was in excellent health for her age, sharp as a tack as they say, still cutting to the heart of a problem with unsettling speed. She was always there for him, had helped him through so many dark times… those early years when his ability to dream froze in his father’s formidable shadow; through the Oedipal crisis of Cuckoo’s Nest & Dad’s towering rage; the addictions and divorce & of late not just the cancer of course but the prison ordeal with his son… there for him in that hallucinatory time when he became Michael Douglas, walking/leading/guiding him through that obverse world of acclaim and peril. Because for an actor, sudden fame was a crucible, perilous as a slow fade to obscurity. The only fates possible for a supernova were joining a constellation or falling out of the sky.

He remembered talking to her just after the diagnosis. He was so angry at the doctors who missed it, angry that Catherine had to be so angry, for months they said it was something else, how could they miss a tumor the size of a walnut, then he was angry at God & so fatigued during the treatment, his anger turned inward and he grew depressed. Dr. Calliope had lost a son herself to cancer, Jesus, that must have been 40 years ago, she never discussed it until their recent phone calls, so poignant, moving, germane. (CK always sent lovely notes on the birthdays of the children Catherine had given him.) She was the first to tell him to divorce Diandra, years before the event finally happened. She rarely made any sort of pronouncement, not her style, not what therapy was about, never gave advice, not in that sense, in the concrete sense, she wasn’t a codependent shrink & wasn’t invasive , not too invested in the mechanics of her clients’ daily lives (not really) so when she said he should divorce her , he thought she was being dramatic (she was, but that shouldn’t have diluted the message), and in-trouble as the marriage was, that irritated him because no one , not even Dr. Calliope Krohn, told Michael Douglas what to do, or how to live his life . He was caught in a conundrum, because that’s why he was seeing her, wasn’t it? Not necessarily to be told what to do but to show him how to live, how to love, how to love himself , & how to live through things that might destroy him.

Not listening to her about Diandra became one of the larger regrets of his life.

When he was at St. Ambrose for his check-up, he made the mistake of leafing through one of those embalmed vanity magazines for the local rich, Santa Barbara Living (he thought Santa Barbara Dying was more apt), & there she was — his ex, barefoot, sitting on a horse under one of the huge oak trees on the estate they once shared. He really missed his beloved oaks, more than he did the property itself, once the magical backdrop of so many important events in his life. But the oaks! He used to talk to them at night, he sought their counsel during the day too, right in front of the gardeners, he didn’t give a shit, they were potent spiritual beings, & he carried them in his heart, proud to be a tree hugger to the end.

There she was: an absurd photograph, like one of those sad Town & Country portraits of latefiftysomething socialites decked out in rich hippie couture. They made sure their picture was always taken at the optimal distance required for the photographic facelift… plus there was something creepy/sexual about the pic, the old come hither, her pre-Raphaelite hair still rich-hippie-shower-wet, barefoot, bare legged slice of thigh, a little riding crop in her hand, submissive horse head down, her orchestrated control/domination of mise-en-scène.

The article was called “My Santa Barbara Dream.”

LOL!

Diandra was selling the house.

She had lots of bad press during those first cancer months when she sued for Wall St. sequel profits; whatever she had of a pathetic image needed heavy rehabbing. Someone was advising her, someone must have told her to take the bull by the horns, like they tell the CEOs to just be open with the public after their products kill a bunch of people — so she gave interviews saying she wanted the world to know that she wasn’t a greedy person by nature . But the quote Michael liked the best was the one about the lawsuit she filed while he was in treatment: “I asked myself every night if I should walk away.” O man, the fuckin agonies! Nobody knows the trouble this bitch has seen! Upon the advice of whomever , she continued to dig a tidy little grave for herself by clarifying to all who’d listen that the reason she was suing — suing again, in the midst of his treatment —she kept flogging that litigious dead horse ( not the one so MILF-ily straddled in Santa Barbara Walking Dead ) was because none other than Bernie Madoff had cleaned her clock. Blame it on Rio.