Bruce Wagner - Dead Stars

— Yeah, that’s old.

— Wazzup witt huh?

— Yeah! Tell us wazzup with huh!

— I was listening to huh on Shade. & she’s like promoting huh porno, whatever. Huh real name’s Montana but huh porn name be Chippy D.

— Whoa. It’s like a Ben & Jerry’s. Schweddy balls…

— Chocolate fudge brownie—

— Banana split— schweddy clit…..

— Boston CREAM pie!

— Muddddd sliiiiiiiiiiide!

— That’s a good pornstar name! Mudslide.

— It’s quite evocative, as the English say.

— She should just call herself Larry!

— Have you seen her movies?

— Rikki has. On his iphone. I told him I don’t want to see that shit. I do not want to see Chippy D chomping on a dick!

— Didn’t she go crazy?

— I think she went to a mental hospital but they said she was faking it. She tried to kill herself?

— I feel sorry for her.

— Feel sorry for her dad!

— Can you imagine how fucked up it must be for him? I mean, your daughter’s supposed to be going off to college, but she decides to stay home & major in dick-riding!

— O! I mean, anywhere he shows his face, someone’s gunna — people are like snickering. .

— She said on this show — on Eminem’s show — that her dad would one day see, like, her Big Plan , & they would totally mend their relationship.

— Whatever. I really feel sorry for her. He must have had to totally have done some shit in her upbringing for her to be doing that shit she does tho.

— Like molesting?

— No. I mean he could have. Don’t all dads molest their daughters?

— That’s gross.

— But he doesn’t seem the type . & she probably would have been talking about that already, bitch so crazy. I’m just sayin he must have done something . I’m jus sayin.

— She’s jus sayin.

— Maybe he didn’t . Sometimes you can be a really good parent and your kid winds up shooting kids at school or whatever.

— Oh my god, Reeyonna, what if your kid does that? That would be so weird!

— I’m just gunna do my best to be a loving mom—

— We could give it a list of who to shoot.

— Ooh hoo! You better hope he doesn’t columbine—

— All I know is, I don’t want to put any pressure on the baby. And I don’t want him to have expectations.

— Him? Is it a boy? Are you going to have a boy?

— I don’t want him or her to have expectations!

— Expectations about what ? Girl, you cray-zee.

— You Jay-Z.

— She doesn’t want to know. She told the doctor and nurses not to tell her like what the gender would be.

— I could never do that. I would totally need to know!

— Well if it’s a girl, don’t name her Montana.

— Hahahahahahahahahahah—

— AHAHAHAHAHAHA—

— hahahahahahahahahahaha—

— So she was on the Shade .

— That’s Eminem’s channel?—

— And she’s telling em porn is like a stepping stone in her career. You know, like it was for Paris and Kim.

— Did you see the Kim tape?

— No but now I want to.

— Did you know he’s Brandy’s little brother?

— Who is.

— Ray J Ray J Ray J Ray J.

— Gimme some of that, Swisher Queen.

— Lissen to her! She thinks she’s Kreayshawn, but you just a basic bitch!

— Girl, I’m a bad bitch. I’m fag swag .

— Fag swag HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

— The guy in the tape with Kim.

— He’s an asshole . Didn’t he leak that to the internet?

— He leaked a lot.

— Hahahahahahahahaha!

— He leaked it all over.

— And Chippy D. . she talks about Sasha Grey too—

— OMG Sasha Grey is such a slut!

— Montana talks about her like she’s Meryl Streep!

— Montana is just dumb . She looks like a donkey.

— That’s mean.

— Sasha Grey is nasty. Rikki showed me a gangbang tape she did — I got totally traumatized just watching it! There was like this whole roomful of guys in line to fuck her in her butt! & nobody was wearing a condom.

— That is so disgusting.

— It’s sick. It’s like— sick .

— She is beyond slutdom.

— The d.p. queen.

— She needs an exorcist.

— And like, the DJs are saying — one of them’s saying, like, “Montana, I was jacking off to one of your movies this morning”—

— Oh my God, he said that? On the radio ?

— It’s satellite.

— You can say anything on satellite.

— O my god.

— He like just totally says “I was jacking off to one of your movies but like I kept seeing your dad’s face cause you really kinda look like him”—

— Oh my God.

— Hahahahahahahaha!

— ahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahah—

— So what did she say?

— She said she was proud of her new “feature,” that’s what she called it, a feature film—

— That is so, so sad. .

— Sick.

— They ask her about the feature and she says she does everything in it, you know, facials, anal, she even squirts—

— What is squirting?!?!!!

— You know how like some girls can gush when they cum.

— Rikki showed me this compilation —have you seen that?

— Where would I have seen that?!?!

— I don’t know, maybe he showed you.

— You should just ask him!

— But I — do you mean water squirts when they cum?

— Water, whatever .

— Diet Squirt.

— Rikki said Louie told him that he had a girlfriend once who could squirt, like the shit that came out was hot , like hot water , & they had to always have like two big towels next to him when they fucked, & sometimes before they even finished the towels would be soaked—

— Oh my God. .

— That is beyond disgusting.

— Like Yellowstone.

— Thar… she—

— Blowwwwwwwwwwwws!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

— ahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahah

— Old Faithful. .

— Right, the geyser — what do they—

— You know that actress Thora Birch?

— Is she in True Blood ?

— No. That’s Anna Paquin.

— I love True Blood .

— Anna Paquin?

— Oh my God, you are so stoned , just shut the fuck up. Thora Birch was in American Beauty .

— I didn’t see that. I know of it but I haven’t seen it.

— Get your Netflix game on, biatch. We watched it on Raymundo’s iPad. Anyway, her parents are total pornstars.

— Her parents? Really?

— Yeah, I think her mom was in Deep Throat .

— I’m looking her up on Wickedpedia —

— They should adopt Chocolate Chippy D!

— Totally! She’s probably their real kid…

— It should have been Thora Fishburne—

— Switched at birth!

— ahahahahahahahahahaah—

— O my God, you won’t believe this—

— She’s too white to be his daughter.

— What?

— It says she went to New Roads .

— Are you kidding?!?!

— Who did.

— Thora.

— I think it’s so trippy when you can have a black father and still look totally white if your mom’s white. I saw a picture of Drake’s mom—