Bruce Wagner - Dead Stars

Hey ho Hey ho

It’s off to Sweden we go.

With S. J. (Ron) Perelman in tow

Hey ho!

She would offer him lessons not just in patience but endurance. A long-distance careerist, Fran knew how to pace herself to win. Bud dreamed of that moment when his own Nobelist would be climbing up his ass in a sold-out Q&A at the New York Public Library. . the air crackling with pulse-pounding chic, that nearly unbearable, blackout-inducing, we-have-no-more-tickets-folks, I-can’t-believe-I-am-here! they-are-legends-and-this-is-history! mania. Fran astonished him. Only a serious hairdon’t kept her from being the 4th Kardashian————————Steve and Karen were standing now and awkwardly embraced. As they held hands, Steve playfully mimed an exhortation for the audience to stand in ovation, which it did, the appreciative mob laughing and applauding. The talk had been rather serious, at times strenuous , a bit heavy going — the mood suddenly lightened, and pleasant relief abounded. Karen couldn’t help herself from cracking up as Steve, clown prince, mugged for the crowd, clapping back at them. The applause grew rhythmic as Steve began the Zorba dance. Egged on by her interviewee, Karen Zorba’d too. Sweet pandemonium.

Steve would be signing books. Bud thought about waiting in line, but there were too many people.

MISSED CALL/VOICEMAIL was on the face of his phone.

He listened on the way to the lot.

It was the office of Chris Silbermann, leaving word.

The president of ICM.

gossip girls*

*(white girl mobbin)

She

sat next to Rikki in the school auditorium where some early Glee episodes were filmed. Rikki, lightskinned pharaoh-looking Rikki, father of her relatively soon-to-be-born child, gender unknown. The speaker was a darkerskinned handsome-ish young man who was once a child soldier in Sierra Leone. He evidently slaughtered a lot of people (so he said) not just because the commanders of various so-called Lord’s Armies brainwashed him to but because he and his murderous schoolboy friends were loaded on some kind of gunpowder he said they were forced (yeah right) to snort by their leaders, that was like snorting coke. Oh, is that your excuse? It was like The Hunger Games , but all black and without the games.

His name was Ishmael Beah.

The darkerskinned handsome boy stood at the lectern in coat and tie saying he/they killed men, women and children, even members of their own families. Rikki was more interested in what he had to say than she was, which was actually an understatement, it looked like Rikki was obsessed, studying the fellow. Man-boy crush time. Rikki & his friends were enjoying hearing about the drugs & the killing, and how this fellow — his name was Ishmael — never even had to go to jail. He wrote a book about it instead that made him rich & famous and now he worked for the U.N. Ishmael went on to say that there were other (former) childsoldiers, all his rehabilitated homies, who now lived in Seattle or wherever, pursuing careers in rap.

. .

Afterschool, Reeyonna and her girlfriends kicked it at the house, & smoked purp.

— Did you know about Laurence Fishburne’s daughter?

— I can’t remember who Laurence Fishburne is. In my head.

— He’s an actor. Lemme use your phone.

— No — I have it. Oh! Yeah! He’s on CSI ?

— But not anymore.

— He was in The Matrix—

— That is one ug-guh-lee nigga.

— He is not. I think he’s hot.

— You think Steve Tyler is hot.

— His money is.

— Money makes the man.

— M-m-m-money on my mind, money on my mind. .

— Youngmoney cashmoney.

— Who’s that actor with the eye — the freaky eye—

— Forest Whitaker.

— Shit, you gotta a lot of information in your head, girl.

— I think his daughter used to go to John Burroughs. I think she was a senior when we were freshmen.

— So much information.

— Forest Whitaker is really good. He won an Academy Award for Best Actor.

— Really?!?!

— What was Laurence Fishburne in? The Purple Mile? Shawshank Whatever?

— Hahahaha! It’s Green Mile! Hahaha!

— She’s got purp on the brain.

— The Purp Mile. .

— That’s funny.

— The Color Purp— hahahahahahaha!

— The color perp-walk.

— I loved The Color Purple .

— Yeah well now you’re lovin the color.

— Isn’t that a Prince song? Purp Rain. Ahahahahahahaha.

— Was Whoopi in that, or Oprah?

— Whoopi wasn’t in Purple Rain .

— I love her on The View .

— This shit is strong. I am so stoned. .

— Yeah it’s good. No sticks, no seeds, just Al Green. .

— That purp, that bomb, that kush—

— Psycho denk. .

— I never saw The Matrix .

— Netflix it, girl. Stream on. Get on it.

— It’s kind of like Inception.

— No, you can’t instant it, it’s only on DVD.

— O bullshit. Really?

— No, look — see?

— I totally watched that on my phone last week. Totally!!!

— Can someone tell me what the fuck a Blu-ray is?!?!

— I didn’t like Inception . I hate that girl Natalie Portman.

— Oh my God, you are so stoned.

— That’s not Natalie Portman! It was the girl who played the pregnant girl—

— from Canada?

— Juno. .

— I loved that movie! What’s her name?

— Ellen! Ellen Page.

— Look — she’s from Halifax. Nova Scotia.

— Can I see?

— Oooh she’s pretty.

— I want to be from Nova Scotia, I love Nova Scotia—

— Oh my God, she’s like twenty-five .

— Really? I can’t believe she’s so old!

— It says 1987. February 21.

— That’s my brother’s birthday!

— She looks so young. She’s one of those women who will look exactly the same until they’re, like, seventy.

— Natalie Portman! ReeRee is fucked up. You saw Juno , didn’t you, Ree?

— She gets pregnant while she’s in high school?

— Um, gee, doesn’t that sound familiar?

— But she’s really responsible about it. I mean it’s so not Teen Mom . She is so not psycho white trash!

— What about Laurence Fishburne’s daughter?

— Why does he call himself Laurence ? It should be Larry , right?

— It’s like he wants to be all English . Like Dr. House.

— Dr. House is not English.

— He totally is. The guy who plays him? Oh my God, he is so English!

— Tallyho.

— Tally ho’s!!!

— Would anybody care for a spot of tea?

— Sir Laurence Fishburne would love a spot of tea!

— Sir Laurence of Arabia Fishburne.

— Sir Lawrence of a Labia.

— That is disgusting!

— My little brother said that to me. I don’t even think he knew what it meant!

— Why doesn’t he just call himself Larry.

— Because Larry smells like ass . Movie stars do not name themselves Larry.

— Right?

— I can’t think of any. I can’t think. I can’t. Of any. Oh my god I am so stoned.

— Larry Fishburne’s daughter! What were you going to say!

— She’s a pornstar.