Bruce Wagner - I Met Someone

“Poor, poor darling.”

“But I get it, I really do. I can take the hit.” She paused to absorb. “It’s just so sad, so awful.”

“This too shall pass,” said Elise. “And how are you ?”

“How am I ? When I run into myself, I’ll ask.”

“Are you going to — do you think you’ll try again?”

“I don’t know,” said Dusty wearily. “It’s our second miscarriage, Ellie. And she had one before, before we were together.”

“Oh Christ,” tsked Elise.

“All girls. They were all girls! Isn’t that bizarre?”

Elise sighed deeply then touched her client’s hand. “What about adopting?”

“Not my thing.”

“Why not?” she asked. When nothing came back, she let it go. “Well, the Universe will sort it out. It always does.”

“Yeah, well I’m not such a big fan of the Universe at the moment. It’s my karma, El. My karma is fucked .”

“Oh bullshit . Your karma is extraordinary!”

“Not in the kiddie department, my love. What’s fucked up is, I thought —we thought, we really did! — this would be the one , you know, the one that would ‘take.’ I think it really would have grounded her.”

“And what about you , Dusty? What would it have done for you ?”

“I’ll be all right.”

“I know that, kid. But I never hear enough about you— ”

“You know how tough I am.”

“I do , and sometimes I wish you wouldn’t be. So tough all the time. You don’t have to be.”

“I’m a survivor, Ellie.”

“You can’t hold the world up all the time . Pass the globe to your old friend, sweetheart. I’ll put it on my shoulders while you have a good cry.”

“I will, Ellie, and I have . You know I have — you’ve held it up for me plenty, more than anyone.” She was really the closest thing to “Mother” Dusty had ever known. “But Leggy needs… something , to get her out of herself. A baby would have— I don’t know. She’s just… she’s still not a woman in a lot of ways.”

“Let me tell you something, a baby doesn’t poof! save the day. Ask the gals with postpartum. Ask the special-needs moms. And a baby doesn’t make you a woman , either, you know that and I know that. Want to hear Elise’s deep thoughts?”

“Do I have a choice?” she said, with a smile.

“I think you need to start giving Allegra the freedom to find out who she is .”

“That’s all I give her, Ellie! All she has is freedom!”

“I’m not talking about the freedom that comes from being indulged like a child . Give her the space to find out who the grown-up is. I know there’s one in there somewhere, just dying to get out.”

“I thought having the baby would take care of that.”

“Maybe,” Elise said indulgently. “Maybe. ‘More will be revealed.’ But I think for Allegra, a baby might have been — God bless her, you know how much I love that girl — it may just have been another project . I don’t mean that to sound harsh. Look: I’m not saying a baby was a bad thing. Of course not. It may still be the best idea in the world!”

“Yeah, well,” Dusty said impatiently. “You know what? Raising a kid at my age wasn’t exactly on my bucket list, either. I’d be collecting fucking Medicare when she got her first period. But—” She briefly closed her eyes to access something. “I was really starting to look… forward to it. I don’t know. I guess I was starting to go to all these places in my head. ‘Oh, the places you’ll go!’” With a quick, cartoonish smile, she muttered, “Well, you know what they say. If you want to make God laugh…”

“To hell with what ‘they’ say! I’ve had my dukes up against ‘they’ all my life.” Her grassroots psychotherapeutic tack having failed, she sloppily defaulted to Feisty Old Broad. “If you want it, Dusty, go for it, and don’t let anything stop you. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again! It’s a terrible cliché but it’s true . That’s what my mama always said and I say the same. Words to live by. ”

Set to music, it would have been one of those act-break showstoppers Elise abhorred.

“We’ll see,” said Dusty, suddenly more depressed than ever. “We’ll see.”

“Okay, all right,” said the manager, breezily putting a button on it. “Now: I know the moment isn’t opportune, but we need to talk about the Bloodthrone sequel before I’m stuck on a plane for a hundred and forty-seven hours. It’s a spectacular offer. They’re up to five million for six weeks.”

“ Shut the front door. Are you frickin’ serious?”

“Completely. Joss has been wonderful .”

“ Love Joss.”

“He certainly didn’t have to bend anyone’s arm but he did tell Bob to make sure you were very happy.”

“Aw! Isn’t he a doll? And so talented. He’s an artist. Love him.”

“And Bob knew Elise had to be happy.”

“Aw! Eliza Doolittle, sweet dragon lady!”

“They want you to do Comic-Con but everyone does Comic-Con.”

“ Love me a rock-star Comic-Con.”

“So I can close?”

“Fuck yeah . And let’s get something for Joss, don’t you think? Maybe a BeoVision? Or a Tesla! Oh my God, Ellie, let’s get him the new little Tesla. Let’s get him three —he can give ’em to his kids.”

“We’ll talk about it when the check clears,” said Elise, slyly. “How’s the shoot going?”

“It’s heaven .”

“It’ll get you nominated.”

“Ya think?”

“Yup. One for love, one for money. That’s the way we do it.”

“Did Mama tell you that too?”

“You better believe it.”

“But I want to do three for love and ten for money!”

“Greedy girl.”

“I’m totally serious!”

“I know you are.”

“’Cause I get worried ’cause I’m getting so old .”

“You are not old. And only Meryl has the kind of career you do, so don’t talk foolishness.”

“I’ll take Meryl’s career and she can take mine.”

“Ha! I’ll put in a call.” She stood. “All right, gotta go. I’m checking in with you from London, okay, Mrs. Wilding? And if I don’t hear back , I’m going to worry . I want you to keep me in the loop . Tell me how Allegra’s doing — and how you’re doing. Got it? Ellie’s orders.”

—

Dusty Skyped her shrink from the trailer.

“I had the weirdest dream last night. I was on set, in the movie I’m doing now — kinda-sorta this movie… but no one was paying attention. To me . I was… completely ignored . Actor’s nightmare, huh. I mean, I was… the only one standing still. Everyone was, just, whirligigging around me, with some sort of blind purpose. And I just stood there. I remember wanting to talk, but I couldn’t. Like being frozen. Then I realized I was ‘second team’—a stand-in — for myself ! A camera double. They were all, like, getting ready for the ‘real’ me to arrive.”

“Do you hear what you’re saying?” said Ginevra, with a smile.

“Oh God. It’s so transparent!” The epiphany embarrassed her.

“You said you were frozen. What is it that freezes us?”

Dusty let a few seconds go by. “Fear?”