Bruce Wagner - I Met Someone

“Not just through her heroic fund-raising efforts — which in the foundation’s early years literally sustained us — but through her unique and pioneering role in public education, raising the bar and public awareness for L.A.’s then burgeoning, now flourishing LGBT community. Please dim the lights!”

The audience focused its attention at the large screens to watch a montage of the actress interacting with the Hyacinth staff and challenged children, in private and public venues, down through the years. Celebrities and studio executives sat closest to the dais. At the “family” table were Dusty (backstage just now) and Allegra, Jeremy, two longtime volunteers, and a girl whose mother was in prison for molesting her while under the influence of meth. After parental rights had been severed, the foundation orchestrated the teen’s adoption by a wealthy couple, who were at the table as well. The lights came up.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” said Livia, “please welcome the most beautiful of Hyacinth’s ‘founding flowers’—our very own Dusty Wilding!”

All rose as the star made a luminously diffident entrance from the wings. Livia took a dainty, deferential step backward; Dusty warmly chastised by bringing her in for a hug before turning to face the cavernous room. She let them love her awhile, then pantomimed “sit.”

“Nothing,” she began, after dramatically gathering herself, “ is or remains more important to me than Hyacinth House. I have been privileged to have grown up among so many selfless people who, with their sacrifice, their compassion, their consistency and single-mindedness of purpose , who with their hearts have been instrumental in transforming— saving — thousands of at-risk young people. Not just by providing them shelter from the storm — sanctuary from harm — but by literally rescuing them, many of them, rescuing this precious, vulnerable resource from dangerous, often life-threatening circumstances beyond their control. And I want to say very clearly… that I have been a soldier, not a general. Hyacinth has nourished me and fed my soul. I’ve tried to be a good soldier… and a mother as well. And I have been mothered too — sometimes rescued! — by the amazing Livia and her extraordinary staff, by the amazing volunteers and amazing fund-raisers, by the amazing judges and attorneys — yes, attorneys can be amazing! ( laughter ) And most of them are women! ( more laughter, applause, whoops ) I want to thank all of the ‘friends of Hyacinth’ too — I like to call them the garden where our flowers grow — who’ve worked so very hard and continue to perform miracles within our often very unmiraculous court and legal system.” She steeled herself, in anticipation of the next few words. “And when I say I have been mothered, it was by the children themselves . They have enriched my life in ways they can never know. They have been my lighthouse and taught me how to love in ways I never could have dreamed, never could have expected. And are walking with me now, on my own journey… ( the cryptic inference was meant for no one but herself ) So I’d really like everyone to stand — there are lots of ‘flowers’ out there, and I want them all to be seen. It’s a beautiful garden! A sea of hyacinths! — can we please rise? Would everyone who belongs to the House in any capacity please stand? Come on— everybody stand. Everybody! Lights up!”

—

She suggested Livia drop by the house to return the gown, an impromptu feint that somehow lightened the burden of what she was about to reveal.

Marta brought them tea by the pool.

“Was the night a smash?” asked Dusty.

“Three and a half million dollars!”

“Isn’t that wonderful?”

“That’s a high-water mark. Because of you .”

The actress waved that away. “Are we getting a new building?”

“That’s a conversation I’d really like to have,” said Livia. “You know, the old building isn’t so bad! We can do a little cosmetic work and still have so much left over for things that just seem more real.”

“Okay!”

“I keep thinking, Why? We’re not a hospital , you know; we’re not Children’s Hospital, where there’s a need … we’re not MOCA or LACMA either. We can always use more space, there are people who want to give us space. But I’ve seen too many foundations take a tumble over real estate.”

Suddenly something shifted in Dusty and her guest took note.

“What’s wrong?”

“Livia… we’ve spoken about this over the years — not a lot, but we have. And you know there’s some shame — a lot of shame — over how I’ve chosen… how I chose —to handle it. I’ve been so — I’ve tried to be courageous in my life, but this, this as you know, is an area where I’ve failed.”

She knew straightaway what Dusty meant.

“But you didn’t —you didn’t fail. You haven’t . You made a choice.”

“—and it’s okay. I’m okay with what I did, I really am. But I’m not that person anymore, the person I was when I made that ‘choice.’ Or whatever you want to call it. I’m not that sixteen-year-old girl anymore. Though sometimes I feel like her! Anyway, I’m making another choice now — a real one — because I think it’s time. I’ve been with the House for twenty years — I’ve grown up with you. She brought me to you. Everything I do, Livia, everything that motivates me, in my life —has been because of her .” She breathed deeply. “And… I think I want to find her now, Livia. I want to try to find her.”

“Oh, Dusty.”

Livia’s smile belied her emotions. She resisted leaning in to hug her friend; she didn’t want to whitewash the moment with sentimentality. She’d always looked up to her — Dusty was a great woman, a fearless woman — and felt so moved to be included in such intimacy.

“I know it sounds totally crazy but I actually do try to keep my life private. Some of it, anyway. You’ve seen that. And it’s a lot of work! But I’ve pretty much decided that… I want to make this ‘journey’— hate that word! — that I’d like to do it in front of the world. In front of a camera. Total transparency. And it’s not an ego thing. I just think it might really help people. Not just the ones who’re searching for their kids or for the kids who’re searching for their parents — but for anyone who wants to speak their truth but can’t find their voice. For whatever reason. That’s why I want to document it. I have some ideas about that and I want to hear yours.”

“Of course!”

The mood lightened, becoming almost festive.

“I don’t know if it’s an HBO thing or whatever… but I would like the proceeds to go to Hyacinth. And I want to do it hand in hand with you , I need you to be my partner …”

This time Livia couldn’t restrain herself and began to weep. Dusty went to her and the two cried together.

“It’ll be frickin’ scary but I think it’ll be amazing . I know it will be. I even reached out to Laura Poitras — the gal who did the Snowden movie? She’s amazing . I’m not sure she’ll do it but I think she’s definitely intrigued … The timing might be good because she’s kind of taking a hiatus from the heavy shit . Did you know she spent years worrying they were going to break down the door and arrest her? Though maybe the critics will arrest her, after she does our little film!”