Karolina Waclawiak - How to Get into the Twin Palms

I stopped at the pharmacy before I went to the Holy Virgin. I picked out a color called “Black Stilettos.” It sounded thrilling and dangerous. I wanted to dye my hair immediately but I had obligations. Mary had all her bingo boards laid out in front of her when I got there. She was wearing a red sweatshirt with bows all over it. Gold lamé, silver, she liked looking festive for her nights out. She waved me over.

“Come here, you,” she said.

I walked over and sat down.

“What’s with the new cards this week?”

I wasn’t in charge of the cards but she always brought her problems to me.

“I don’t know anything about them.”

“They’re martini glasses. We’re supposed to get bingo in martini shapes instead of diamonds. We were just getting used to the diamonds and now this.”

I had no idea what she was talking about. I was staring at the picture of her husband in a small, dirty frame. She only had pictures of him from when he was young. I’ve never seen him old, her age, and I couldn’t imagine him being dead. He lived in small picture frames with sepia tones and striking jaw-lines and a nose like a boxer and wavy 1950s slicked-back hair. He was handsome and he looked like a man. A man I wanted to know. A man I had never seen before. Even Lev wasn’t a man like he was. He was different. Mary was lucky. She caught me staring and took the picture and stuffed it in between her breasts. Her sweatshirt hugged him, enveloped him. “He’s mine.”

She took him out from between her breasts and kissed him. Over and over again. She had two birds on the table. Lovebirds. She had them kissing. She moved one behind the other.

“He’s doing her up the back skull.”

I stopped for a minute. “What?” I said.

I thought I didn’t hear her right.

“He’s doing her up the back skull.” She giggled when she said it. “Do you and your honey do that? Up the back skull?”

“I don’t have a honey, Mary,” I said.

“That’s too bad. My honey did.” She went back to kissing his picture.

“I have to go call the numbers, Mary.” The women were already pushing their cards around and glaring at me. Waiting for me to get on with it.

“Let me win this week,” Mary said as I walked away. She moved the birds back to the kissing position as I climbed up the stairs toward the big bingo board and took a seat.

“Hello, are we ready to get started?” I called out, smiling. I only got grumbles back.

“We’re starting with the regular game today. And we’ve got a new one… Martini glass. That’s coming up later.” More grumbles. I had to up the ante.

“Two Twizzlers with your money. Maybe even an éclair.” I heard a hoot.

“This is the Early Bird special, ladies. Let’s get ready. Regular bingo and 4 corners wins. Then full card for sixty dollars.”

I turned on the ball machine and watched the balls begin roiling through the air.

“O 69.” I heard more hoots. A few moans. Table bells ringing. This was their game. They loved when I called 69. I cringed. The sea of white-colored heads bobbed over their boards. One woman screamed out a fat man’s name after I said 69. He was at the table with the hot dogs and éclairs. I saw him blushing. He opened a bag of Doritos and ate. I tried to move on, regroup, and get their minds off of 69’s.

“I 16.”

There was a ruckus in the corner. I saw Mary waving her cane at the Mexican lady who took up the corner table. She was surrounded by small plastic toys — penguins, rabbits, lions. I leaned into the microphone while holding a bingo ball.

“What’s going on there, ladies?”

Mary looked up at me. So did the Mexican lady. They yelled something but I couldn’t hear over the whir of the bingo balls.

“Let’s keep going with the game. Sixty dollars on this board. Lucky 13 doubles your money today. Sit down, Mary.”

She did, but I could tell she wasn’t happy about it. She waved her cane at the woman. I saw her mouth “twat.” The priest came up to Mary and tried to calm her down.

“B 5.” I saw Mary making flirty eyes with Father Ford and I knew it was going to be okay. She batted her eyelashes at him.

Men took her mind off things.

Mary didn’t win. When I came up to her afterward she looked pissed.

“I was going to shove my cane up her twat.”

“What’d she do?”

“She’s loud and I don’t like her.”

“Sit somewhere else next time.”

“I could stick it up there. She has a big one.” She leaned in when she told me that. Like she was telling me a secret.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s the birds. Next week I’m just bringing the picture.”

“I didn’t see Carla.”

“Who the fuck knows where she is.” She looked up at me and smiled. “Did I tell you what I saw yesterday?”

“No, Mary. What’d you see?”

“A man, sitting in his car. Jerking off.”

I looked at her and shook my head. “In front of your house?”

“In front of my house. I went to the kitchen. Came back he was still at it…”

She looked past me. At the painted concrete wall of the multi-purpose room. “Looked like a big one too. He was going in and out like this.” She made the motion with her hand. She leaned in close. “It turned me on. It really did.”

I tried not to seem disturbed.

“It got me hot and bothered. It looked big.”

“Wow,” was all I could come up with and that made her laugh.

“I’m going to hell. I know it.”

I started walking away and all I could hear was her laughter. I tried to clean up. Get my money. I wanted to get out of there and put Black Stilettos in my hair, get away from Mary’s laughter. I put the bingo boards away, tried to get the chairs in order, get the women out and onto their buses. The drivers looked tired; the women were wearing them down too. I went back in to finish cleaning and saw Mary still sitting there.

“Mary, you missed the buses.”

She looked up, looked upset, maybe confused. “I didn’t know they were here.” She started getting up, using her cane. She had already put away her cards, her chips, and her birds. The picture was still on the table. I ran to see if I could catch the buses but they were all gone. Everyone was. It was just me and Mary. She was sweating when I got back and she looked nervous.

“How am I going to get home?”

The big electronic bingo board had already been turned off and looked worn out and outdated. They were starting to turn off the lights and I knew that I couldn’t leave her.

“I can take you home, Mary.”

Neither of us wanted it but we both moved toward my car anyway.

I had to move the seat back for Mary. Her cane, bag, and everything else wouldn’t fit.

“I think you should change back the games to the way they used to be. I don’t like the new ones.”

“I just call the numbers, Mary. I don’t choose the games.”

“You’re all in it together against us.”

I started the car and she looked away from me. Out the window.

“Where do you live?”

“Just drive this way. I’ll show you the rest.”

I told her I was sorry she didn’t win.

“I have to get out of the house. Otherwise, I just walk from room to room missing him.”

She paused for a moment.

“But I keep a clean house, honey.” She pointed her long frosted fingernail at me while she said it.

I didn’t want to look at her. I couldn’t.

“Why don’t you have someone? You’re not ugly. Anyone can get someone.”

I tried to pull apart what she said. There was no way to answer. So, I just said, I don’t know.

I also said, “I’m trying.”

“Women shouldn’t have to try. Even at the end, when he couldn’t get more than soft. He felt so terrible. He would cry. But he was mine and I told him it was okay.”