Roddy Doyle: The Commitments

He was explaining how it had happened.

— Why?

— I’m not sure, said Outspan. — It was over before I copped on tha’ ann’thin, was happenin’. —Do you know, Derek?

— I think it was when Deco seen Joey kissin’ ’melda.

— Imelda?

— Yeah.

— Wha’ abou’ Bernie?

— She didn’t seem to mind.

— For fuck sake! said Jimmy. — Real kissin’, like?

— Oh yeah, said Derek. — They were warin’ alrigh’. Over where you are.

— I seen tha’ bit alrigh’ said Outspan.

He shook his head.

— Nearly puked me ring.

— Then Deco said he was sick o’ this, said Derek, — an’ he pulled Joey away from her, righ’. An’ he called ’melda a prick teaser. An’ tha’ wasn’t on cos she isn’t, so I went to give him a boot, righ’. But then Deco had a go at Joey. I think he fancied ’melda, d’yeh know tha’? —He gave Joey a dig. Hurt him. Then Mickah went for Deco. He got him a few slaps an’ Deco ran ou’ an’ he said The Commitments could fuck off an’ Mickah went after him.

— How come I didn’t see annythin’? Jimmy asked.

— It happened very fuckin’ fast, said Outspan. — I didn’t see ann’thin’ either an’ I was here, sure.

— Where’s James?

— He had to go, remember?

— That’s righ’. —Dean?

— Dean took it very badly, Jim, said Derek.

— I heard this bit, said Outspan. — He — Listen to this now. — He said he was fucked if he was goin’ to waste his time jammin’ —Jammin’! —jammin’ with a shower o’ wankers tha’ couldn’t play their instruments properly. — Tha’ wasn’t on. — I gave him a dig. An’ he fucked off. I think he was cryin’. —Spa!

— Fuckin’ great, said Jimmy.

— D’yeh know wha’? said Derek. — I think Dean fancies ’melda too. It’s a gas really when yeh think abou’ it.

— It’s a fuckin’ scream, said Jimmy. — Where’s Joey?

— He went to the hospital. He thinks his nose is broke. The girls went with him but I don’t think he wanted them to. He was tryin’ to get away from them. They had to run after him.

Jimmy sat down on the platform.

Derek continued.

— It’s funny. — I think Joey was the oney one of us tha’ didn’t fancy Imelda an’ he’s the oney one of us tha’ got off with her. Fuckin’ gas really, isn’t it?

Jimmy said nothing for a while. He looked at the ground. Outspan and Derek reckoned that he was thinking, thinking things out.

Then he spoke. — Fuck yis annyway. — Fuck the lot o’ yis.

— We didn’t do ann’thin’! said Outspan.

— Fuck yis, said Jimmy, quietly. — Yis bastards.

The head barman came out of the room behind the bar.

— Why aren’t yis gone? he shouted.

— Most of us are gone, pal, said Outspan.

— Fuck yis, said Jimmy to the floor. — Just —

He swept his hand over his knee.

— Fuck yis.

— Come on, said the head barman.

— Hang on a sec, said Derek.

He bent down to Jimmy.

— Sorry ’bou’ tha’, Jimmy, he said.

He put his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder.

— Still. — It was good while it lasted, wasn’t it?

— Ah fuck off! said Jimmy.

That sort of talk gave Jimmy the pip.

* * *

Jimmy phoned Joey The Lips about a week after The Commitments broke up.

He hadn’t tried to get them together again. He hadn’t wanted to. They were fuckin’ saps. He’d watched telly all week. It wasn’t too bad. He’d gone for a few scoops with the lads from work on the Friday. That was his week.

He hadn’t gone into The Bailey to meet Dave from Eejit.

He hadn’t played any soul.

Now, a week after, he thought he was over it. He’d nearly cried when he was in bed that night. He’d have loved to have seen that Commitments single, with them on the cover, and maybe a video for Anything Goes. But now he was okay. They were tossers. So was Dave from Eejit. He had better things to do with his life.

But he was phoning Joey The Lips, just to say cheerio, and good luck, because Joey The Lips wasn’t like the others. Joey The Lips was different. He’d taught them all a thing or two.

Joey The Lips answered.

— The Fagan household.

— Joey? — Howyeh. This is Jimmy.

— Jimmy! My main man. How are you, Brother?

— Grand. How’s your nose?

— It’s still hanging on in there.

— Tha’ was a fuckin’ terrible thing for Deco to do.

— Forget it, forget it. — When I was leaving the hospital they were bringing Brother Declan in.

— Wha’?

— On a stretcher.

— Go ’way! — Funny. I haven’t seen him since. I’d forgot he works where I work.

— Have you seen the other Brothers and Sisters?

— No way. I don’t want to.

— Hmm. — A pity.

— Wha’ are yeh goin’ to do now?

— America calls, Brother. I’m going back. Maybe soul isn’t right for Ireland. So I’m not right. I’m going back to the soul.

— When?

— The day after tomorrow. Joe Tex called me. You’ve heard Joe Tex?

— I’ve heard the name alrigh’. —Hang on. He had a hit there. Ain’t Gonna Bump No More with No Big Fat Woman.

— Correct. — Joe wants me to tour with him again.

— Fair play to yeh. — Annyway, Joey, I phoned yeh to thank yeh for everythin’, yeh know. — So — thanks.

— Oh, I blush. Thank The Lord, not me.

— You thank him for me, okay?

— I will do. — Will you continue the good work, Jimmy?

— No way. I’ve learnt me lesson.

— Hang on one minute.

— Okay.

Joey The Lips was back.

— Howyeh, said Jimmy.

— Listen to this. — O sing into the Lord, a new song, for he hath done marvellous things. Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all the earth make a loud noise, and rejoice, and song praise. — Psalm Number 98, Brother Jimmy.

— Fuck off, Joey. Good luck.

Jimmy was in the kitchen filling the kettle when he remembered something, something he’d read a while back. Joe Tex died in 1982.

* * *

Jimmy met Imelda about a week after that. She had her sister’s baby with her. Jimmy cutchie-cutchie-cooed it. It stared out at him.

— Is it a young one or a young fella?

— A young fella. — Eddie. He’s a little fucker, so he is. He’s always cryin’. Aren’t yeh a little fucker, Eddie?

Eddie belched.

— No manners, he hasn’t. — Wha’ have yeh been doin’ with yourself since an’annyway? Imelda asked Jimmy.

— Nothin’. —Nothin’ much.

— Have yeh seen anny o’ the others?

— No.

— Have yeh seen Joey?

— Have YOU not? said Jimmy. — He’s gone back to America.

— Has he? The little fucker.

— Wha’?

— He never said bye bye or ann’thin’.

Jimmy had decided not to mention Joe Tex to anyone.

— He’s tourin’ again. With The Impressions, I think he said.

— That’s lovely, for some. — D’yeh know wha’, Jimmy? — Don’t tell annyone this now.

Jimmy said nothing.

— Promise not to tell.

— I promise, said Jimmy.

— I think Joey left because of us.

— Wha’ d’yeh mean?

— Me an’ Bernie an’ Nat’lie.

— Because yis all got off with him, d’yeh mean?

— Yeah. Sort of. — He was scared of us.

— D’yeh reckon? — D’yeh mind if I ask? said Jimmy. — How come yis all got off with him?

— Ah, we were messin’, yeh know. We did not like him but. It wasn’t just messin’. —It became a sort of joke between us. To see if we could all get off with him.

— Lucky Joey, wha’.

— Wha’? —oh yeah.

She laughed a bit.

— I suppose he was really. — The three of us.