Annie Proulx - Barkskins

Aaron knew that since the death of Amboise, his childhood brother, he had had a cold heart, but now, appalled, he felt it burning. He had no food but he had his wages. He reached for his money, his impulse was to thrust it into their hands, but he considered. They were too weak, he thought, to go buy food. But where was the nearest place? It would take him two days to go to and return from Halifax. Sydney was closer, and perhaps he would pass a whiteman farmer who would sell him food. “I will come back with food,” he said and rushed forward on the trail.

• • •

Two miles along he saw a settler’s house with a large garden, a cow and chickens. Before he could enter the gate a tall whiteman with glassy eyes and sprays of hair like black grass on the sides of his head came rushing around the corner of the house. “Git off’n my propty!” he shouted. “Git! Damn Indan.”

He walked on toward Sydney, passing settlers’ houses and gardens. He tried once more to buy food and an angry man shot at him. Once more he tried. He walked around the corner of a small church to the pastor’s house and saw the housewife on her knees weeding onions.

Poised to run he said, “Ma’am, I would like to buy some of your vegetables for some poor starving Indans down the trail.”

“Why, them poor things,” she said, “let me ask the pastor.” And she went into the house. When she came out again the pastor was with her, his yellowish old face drawn into a stern expression.

“So, who is starvin? Indans, eh? You do not know how often I hear this complaint, but we do live in a time when the Red Man passes from the scene, replaced by the vigorous European settler. The Indan has to learn to work and earn his livin, grow a garden and put the harvest by against winter. Charity does but delay the inevitable.” Then, taking in Aaron’s posture and face, which suddenly looked less like that of a softhearted white man and more like the visage of a murderous Indian with a barely suppressed intent to kill, he stepped back a little. “Course we do try t’ help, even knowin it — yes, course we sell you some vegetables. What will you, taters? Maggie, pull some taters and carrots for the poor Indans.” Hastily the two pulled at stems, plucked young turnips from the ground, heaped the plunder on the ground for Aaron to pick up as best he could. He stuffed everything inside his shirt, the warm turnips scratching his skin. He stood up with the last potato in his hand and said, “This potato means life to those people.” He held out his money. The pastor snatched it and with the passage of tender recovered from his fright and said, “I would say that the will of God, rather than a potato, decides the matter.”

Aaron did not wait for the end of the sentence but was on his way back to the broken wikuoms. On the trail he saw movement under an elderberry shrub. He picked up a heavy maple stick from the slash pile alongside the trail. He came closer and saw the animal was one of the whiteman’s favored creatures, a house cat. It had something — a bird — and he saw a wing rise and fall as the cat crunched the wing joint. Closer and closer, gripping the maple stick, came Aaron. The cat, intent on savaging the young partridge, which was large enough and still lively enough to escape, did not abandon the prey and Aaron crushed its head with the first blow. He then wrung the still-struggling young partridge’s neck. “This is the will of your whiteman god,” he murmured to the cat, taking it up by the hind legs and, with the limp partridge inside his bulging shirt, walked on toward the wikuom of Louis and Sarah Paul, left Louis making a fire and Sarah skinning the cat.

• • •

The next day in Sydney he saw five Mi’kmaw women sitting together on the dock. They seemed easy and content, joking with one another. They looked healthy. One of the women — he was almost sure it was Losa, the wife of Peter Sel, one of Kuntaw’s sons, the older brother of Etienne. Round-faced with very red lips, Losa carried a single basket and the others, their handiwork sold, were chiding her for making something so clumsy no one wanted to buy it. She said something he could not hear. They laughed and it felt good to him to hear Mi’kmaw women laugh.

And there was Peter Sel’s fishing smack at the far end of the wharf.

The basket makers began to board the vessel, chattering and laughing, still showing each other bits of finery or foods they had bought at the stores. Aaron, heavy in thought, and mentally rehearsing a variety of pleas to Kuntaw and Etienne to come west to the ruined wikuoms and save the starving people and bring them back to K’taqmkuk, followed. As they left Sydney harbor and entered the grey ocean, Aaron went into the bow and faced east, taking bouquets of spray in the face, staring into the haze of distance. Why had he come back? What had changed him, he who cared for nothing but himself, who acted on fleeting impulse?

• • •

Peter Sel, who owned the boat, called to his son, “Alik, take the rudder. I go talk a little to that Aaron Sel who come back.” He came up and stood beside Aaron for a few minutes looking east, said cautiously, “So you are back here. You are older.”

“Yes, I am older. As are you.”

“I heard that sad news about Jinot. Very sad.”

“What sad news?” He looked at Peter.

“Etienne didn’t find you? That Joe Dogg didn’t find you?”

“Nobody found me. I been to sea on the ships. Years. I just come back now. Joe Dogg from the ax factory? What was he doing here?”

“Lookin for you. That Mr. Bone never come back so Joe Dogg wants to go find out what happen. He wants you to go with him, look for you in Boston but never find you. So he come here. Etienne said to him, ‘I will go. I will find Jinot.’ They go to New Zealand, very damn far. When they come back Etienne and Joe Dogg look for you again in Boston. Then Etienne come back here and said maybe Joe Dogg finds you.”

“He did not find me. What happened?” Aaron knew of course with that much searching and travel that Jinot had to be dead.

“I only know Etienne said Jinot died with bad sickness in that sore leg. Mr. Bone dead, too, by a man in grass clothes.”

There was a long silence. Aaron looked at the horizon. He felt an interior ripping as though something was pulling at his lungs. He forced a breath, looked at Peter Sel. He said, “The death of my father does not surprise me. He went away so many years ago. I grieve. I wish I had gone with him. I was a bad and stupid person before, maybe I still am that person but I think I am different.”

“A man can get better,” said Peter Sel. They stood silent while the sails filled and the boat took its course east. “Alik is my son.”

“He is a good sailor,” said Aaron.

“He is. He has eleven winters but he knows the boat. And the water.” There was a long silence, then Peter said, “Sometimes good men start out very bad. I was bad like that. Wait when we dock. We can talk a little.”

• • •

It was dusk when Peter’s boat came alongside the wharf and the basket women raced ashore with their goods and money, and started the long trek home. Aaron did not follow them but waited. After some minutes Peter was there, lit his pipe, leaned on the rail. His son, Alik, coiled a rope a few feet away.

“You say you are changed,” Peter said. “I, too, changed. Used to drink rum and wine, whiskey, all them poison stuff. Drink and fight. Fight ever night, ever day. I didn’t have no boat then. I kill a man. Fight him very hard, drunk, smash his head. I try to break my own head. Just get headache. If I still live I got to change.” Alik came closer, listened, gazing at his father. Aaron wondered if Peter had ever told him this story. It seemed not. After some minutes Aaron said, “Does Kuntaw still live?”