Rafik Schami - Damascus Nights

"That was beautifully said," whispered Mehdi the teacher.

Musa the barber voiced his reaction as well: "A few weeks with a girl like that would make me younger by a few years."

"And what would you do with your false teeth?" jabbed Isam.

"In any case," the minister went on, "the king wanted a son. But his wife gave birth to a daughter. And even though she surpassed her mother in beauty, the king looked on his child and broke into a rage. With tears in his eyes, he gave the order to have them both taken to a distant island. Throughout his kingdom, however, he had it proclaimed that the queen had died in childbirth'

"God should have crippled the tongue of this heartless man for such a lie!" shouted Junis the cafe owner.

"Cowardly dog," Musa vented his own anger. "What does he have against a daughter? I have five of them, and I wouldn't trade their tiniest toenail for a son."

"Just a minute, now. I have six sons, and each one is a lion—" the locksmith objected.

"And that's exactly what the king wanted," said the minister, returning to his story, "but his second wife also bore him a daughter. She, too, was removed, to an even more distant island. The third," the minister laughed, "the fourth, the fifth, the sixth…" He was laughing so hard he choked and had to clear his throat.

"This king's beginning to get a little boring," said Tuma, as if he wanted to ask the minister what he was finding so funny.

"All right, now it gets really funny," said the minister. "With every passing year, the king grew angrier and angrier. He listened less and less to his ministers and least of all to his jester. In the seventh year of his reign, he married a woman known for her shrewdness. She, too, became pregnant, but in her eighth month — it was already summer — she told her husband she wanted to move to the summer palace, since it was too hot in the capital for her to rest. No sooner said than done, and off she drove into the refreshing climate of the mountains, accompanied only by her loyal handmaid.

"As soon as the queen began her labor, messengers from the king arrived, ready to race back to the palace with good news or bad. For three days and three nights they waited outside the queen's chamber, to become either the doves of good tidings or the hyenas of bad."

"Well said, may God bless your mouth!" said Mehdi.

"And yours," the minister replied and continued: "Late in the afternoon on the third day the messengers heard the newborn cry and the handmaid give a joyful shout. After a short while she came outside, her eyes flooded with tears. Tell our most beloved lord to cast off all his worries'—she was sobbing with joy —'for Heaven has granted his wish and given us all a strong and sturdy prince!'

"The king was ecstatic to hear that his heart's desire had been fulfilled, and he received the queen with great pomp and circumstance. Thousands of his subjects thronged to greet her. From his balcony the ruler held up his successor — whom he named Ahmad — for all to see. The whole land went giddy with joy A few people climbed the minaret and leaped to their death, just like that, out of sheer joy. People went crazy on that day, it's hard to imagine the stupidities some subjects are capable of committing.

"The next day the king gave the command to tear down an entire neighborhood and build a palace with a garden and fountain for his son. The people who lived in the small cottages wept and begged for mercy, but the soldiers whipped anyone who had not left his cottage by sunset. Hundreds of weeping people who had lost their homes made their way to the palace to plead for help, but the guards only pushed them back. That's the funny thing about happiness: it can turn to unhappiness quicker than the flicker of an eyelash."

"Nicely put!" raved Mehdi and Musa.

"But there was one person who wasn't crying, and that was the witch Mira. Known throughout the land for her kindness, she was also feared for her vindictiveness. She, too, was required to give up her cottage to make way for the prince's palace. When the guards saw Mira, they were afraid and hurried to tell the king that the witch wanted to submit her complaint. The king just roared with laughter: 'Complaint? What is there to complain about? A prince has been born! From now on my entire realm has no more worries! I will not hear any complaints!'

"When Mira the witch heard the king's words, she looked upon the crying people, then turned to heaven and uttered several unintelligible phrases. The blue skies suddenly thundered, the people became frightened and fled. 'O vile king screamed the witch, 'for as long as you shall live, you shall never hear another word!' With these words, Mira the witch vanished into thin air, never to return.

"The king was in the midst of an audience with scholars and traders who had come to offer their congratulations when his face suddenly became twisted with pain. He grabbed his head and screamed out loud, 'My ears! My ears!' Then he spun around three times and fell to the ground unconscious. From that day on, the king was unable to hear. But even that hardly worried him, so happy was he to have a son.

"The king continued to rule with a strong hand. He sent hundreds of spies throughout his kingdom to be his ears. They would repeat their reports over and over until the king was able to read the most important details from their lips.

"The stars stood in the young kings favor. Year after year, the heavens provided the farmers with rain for their fields and warmth for their fruits, and the kingdom thrived. But instead of enjoying the peace, the king built up his army and moved to annex a small neighboring realm — it didn't take much to fan the flames of his greed. And no matter how often the soothsayers and scholars warned against such actions, he read less and less from their lips, and he refused to follow their advice. He did exactly as he wanted.

"And in fact, he managed to achieve a great victory in his first war — because he was a brilliant tactician. His army consisted of fifty thousand soldiers armed with lances and swords, twenty thousand archers, ten thousand knights, and over fifty catapults. The king hid the majority of his troops in the forest and marched on to meet the enemy. When he saw the great army assembled in the plain, he positioned his archers behind the hill, as if he were preparing to attack the enemy's left flank. Then he rode into the middle of the field, wheeled around and fled without even engaging in combat. His opponents saw him fleeing with a tiny army, and scrambled after in pursuit, abandoning all caution. Their best knights chased after the king in great disarray. The king and his retinue soon made it back to safety, and then the skies were darkened with the arrows of his archers. Many horses and many men fell to these arrows…" The minister went on at great length about this battle, omitting not a single stroke of the sword, stab of the lance, or blow of the club — just as if he were in court.

"So what happened with the kingdom?" Tuma interrupted.

"After seven years of good fortune, a terrible drought befell the kingdom and caused great suffering. The kings viziers brought him the news, but he refused to read their lips. His subjects began to curse him whenever he appeared on the balcony. But he mistook their angry fists for friendly waves and replied with his own friendly greetings.

"The drought raged for three long years, bringing misery and tears to the kingdom. But the king was impervious to all such cares, so happy was he about his son, Ahmad. The boy was a wonderful poet and played the lute like an angel. At the age of twelve he could outride all the king's knights and outshoot all his archers. Braver than a panther, the young prince wrestled with the lions the king kept in his palace— no on dared to imitate him. Only water seemed to frighten him. Whenever the sons of the ministers played in the lake, Prince Ahmad sat on the shore and watched the romping boys."