James Kelman - Dirt Road

She seemed not to know he was there, until then she spoke, barely so much as moving her lips: Hey Mister Murdo you going to play with me?

Murdo grinned. He kept grinning.

You going to play with me?

That would be great.

What you been doing all day?

Walking about.

You didnt stop and say hullo this afternoon now why was that? Edna said you were there and Sarah went looking. You disappeared.

Queen Monzee-ay shifted on her chair, she studied him. Murdo lowered his gaze, switched hands on the accordeon-case handle. She massaged the side of her back a moment then lifted her bag from the floor, pointed to the emergency exit door. Get a chair from in there, she said.

Murdo did as she bade. When he returned and was seated she gestured at the accordeon-case. Let me see that thing.

Murdo brought out the accordeon. Queen Monzee-ay looked at it. I dont like its face, she said. It play okay?

Not bad.

I got you the turquoise.

Did ye! Aw! Thanks! Thanks! Really I mean thanks, thanks.

Queen Monzee-ay chuckled. You like that one huh?

Yeah I do, yeah. Yeah, I do.

Yeah, that old turquoise got a history… Hey now you make Diego’s show?

No.

Okay. Queen Monzee-ay nodded. They were wanting you there, Diego’s boys, wanting you to hear what they do. I would have gone myself but these venues got no place proper to sit Murdo and I got this back.

She rubbed at her back and at her sides again. And a weird thing happened: Queen Monzee-ay was looking away to the front someplace but at the same time was talking to him or seemed to be. Except he couldnt hear anything, if she was speaking it was so quietly, hardly at all, like saving her breath.

Also the light, her facing to the sunset and him seated behind her, not able to see her face properly. This wee patio was a special place. A place so quiet ye could go to sleep, sitting right here. And if ye were weary, really really weary, and Murdo was weary, just so so weary, if he even had a mind, if he had one

The chair screeched on the wood. His chair, on the wooden floor.

Diego would have been good for you to hear, said Queen Monzee-ay. Got his own style of playing but he goes rocking along.

Mm.

Life in us old-timers huh? Come over here, she said. Murdo dragged his chair closer. Queen Monzee-ay reached to touch his left wrist and she stroked it. Sarah said you would come. And Miss Edna said it too. Oh he’ll be here, that is what she said.

Queen Monzee-ay held onto Murdo’s left hand and he couldnt have taken it away, and she kept looking at him until he raised his head to meet her eyes properly. He smiled. You laughing? she asked. What you laughing at Murdo?

Murdo chuckled.

Boy you laughing at me! You are too young to be laughing at me! Queen Monzee-ay made a fierce face at him. You know who my people are!

No.

You dont know who my people are!

Queen Monzee-ay kept a hold of his hand and he could not withdraw it; he would have preferred to. He didnt like being held by people. Although it was her and she was different. What you got to say for yourself? she asked, and Murdo could not raise his head. He studied the floor, the spars of wood, chipped and one edge rotted away. Queen Monzee-ay continued: You got to talk son. Women like a man to talk. Not all the time but some of the time. You got to talk some of the time Murdo.

Sorry.

What you mean sorry? Dont you be sorry.

Murdo put his right hand to his eyes, shielding them.

Hey now, ssh, let me say about Sarah, you met her mom who is Carrie. Carrie is my own daughter but she aint like me. You think I’m tough! I aint tough, not one little bit. Carrie is tough. But now Sarah, Sarah is sweet and she is my girl, she tells me everything.

Murdo took his hand from his brow. Queen Monzee-ay was peering at him. I know about your sister. I know about your Mother. I know how hard it’s been; I know it son. My Sarah tells me. Sarah is my girl; my most close friend — next to Edna.

Murdo smiled.

You laughing again! Miss Edna make you laugh! Hey now people quake with Edna! I’m talking men, rough tough men! She is Miss Kwankwan, you know who that is!

Murdo looked at her.

Woah, they walk in fear boy, you know what fear is! Queen Monzee-ay let go his hand, she tilted her head and squinted at him: What name do you call me?

Eh.

Queen Monzee-ay waited a moment. Murdo was frowning, thinking about this, until she said, Yeah Murdo, you got it now: you dont call me nothing.

No but

You dont.

Well because it’s hard to say like I mean Queen and ye’re not my grandmother.

No now I aint your grandmother! Queen Monzee-ay glared. You call me Miss Monzee-ay.

Murdo smiled.

Say it.

Miss Monzee-ay.

Monzee-ay, she said. No secret there son it’s my own family name. Aint Cajun. Dont go mixing that up; Edna wont speak to you ever, not ever. We got our French they got theirs, we were here first son. We didnt come from no Canada. You know about that?

Murdo was looking at her. Queen Monzee-ay reached to the other side of her chair, lifted a cigarette pack and extracted one, flicked the lighter to light it, and inhaled.

Murdo said, I’m not sure what ye mean.

No, they aint big on history here. Queen Monzee-ay exhaled smoke. You got to make your own space in this country Murdo. People dont give you that. You got to take it. You’re American. White is American.

Murdo looked at her. Queen Monzee-ay raised her hand. White smooths the way, she said. Makes it easier for you. Black dont make nothing easy. We make a space we take a space. Queen Monzee-ay studied him, and smiled. It aint against you son. How long you in this country?

Two weeks.

Two weeks. My Lord, two weeks. You got it already. You walked in that door and here you are. That is the most amazing thing ever could happen. You come in our home. Our family. Queen Monzee-ay smiled, shaking her head.

Yeah but you invited me. Murdo shrugged.

Okay but you got to come. Someone invites you you got to come. You got invited and you came. That is what you did. You came. People dont do that. Folks want to give them something and they wont take it. They dont take nothing, only they will grab it. When you aint looking, they will push you out the road; they will stab you and they will beat you. Queen Monzee-ay paused in talking. She said, What you got to give they dont want. They take what they want. You know what I’m talking about?

Yes.

Queen Monzee-ay nodded. Now we got a little time left son and I will see you soon.

Thanks.

You do one tonight? Huh Murdo, want to do one?

Do one, yeah!

Okay.

Murdo grinned.

Go talk to Sarah and Gene about where you play now I dont want to be falling over your feet.

Well ye wont.

No. Queen Monzee-ay chuckled.

I only mean like I wont get in yer way.

I know you wont. I know that. She pointed round the side of the building. Go round there, she said, then pointed to the rucksack and the accordeon-case: Leave them in the truck. Joel’ll bring you the turquoise.

Thanks.

Murdo walked closeby the wall of the building and this brought him out near the carpark which was busy now. A queue had formed by the club entrance. The big cowboy doorman was exchanging comments with people, having a laugh while ushering them in. Murdo saw Sarah standing near Joel’s pick-up truck. The guy was there too, leaning against the side of a car parked next to it. Sarah was talking, moving about and waving her hands in that excited way she did. But how could ye not look at her? Any guy at all. Ye would. She had a tough way about her till ye knew her then she wasnt. He would never have come except for her. It was her, that was why he came.

Queen Monzee-ay thought he could talk to her. That was just stupid. Although he had to. It didnt matter anyway. He gripped the accordeon-case. More people queuing and cars arriving. Sarah saw him and waved, and came forwards. Murdo was already walking towards her. She called to him: I knew you would come Murdo!