Xu Xiaobin - Dunhuang Dream

Xingxing suddenly had a strange premonition. She turned her eyes away from him and saw that the seat beside her was empty. Her heart pounded. She had no desire to see her premonition materialize so quickly. This was followed by a feeling that disaster was about to strike.

Heavy-hearted, she looked at Wuye. He blushed and smiled at her as his legs brushed her knees. His legs trembled slightly and she trembled all over.

8

The first night after Xingxing was released from the hospital, she and Wuye became lovers.

It was unusually dry that night and when their flesh met, blue sparks flew, crackling in the dark. Xingxing felt thirsty and wanted to ask him to wait so that she could have a drink of water, but she never said anything. She stroked Wuye’s soft hair. His hair was so soft and dry. She touched her own hair and found it as black and stiff as wire. Genes are such wondrous things. She and Wuye were so different, even in the smallest ways.

“It’s hard to imagine, Xingxing, that your breasts could be so white and beautiful,” he said, cupping her breasts in his hands and softly kissing her nipples. “They are like a girl’s, but full. You have the most beautiful body I have ever seen.”

“How many female bodies does a doctor see?” Xingxing’s gentle eyes glowed mischievously.

He flushed red. He blushed so easily. Despite acting calm and experienced, Xingxing could tell that it was his first time. He was still a virgin. As far as she could tell there were two types of men when it came to women and love: one was the letch and the other was the aesthete. Wuye was of the latter type. His eyes, which kissed every part of her body, were filled with praise, worship, and adoration, enough to satisfy a woman’s vanity.

“You are strange, Wuye. You’re a strange guy.” Xingxing smiled and bit her lip, her eyes filling with tears.

“What do you mean, strange? I meet the most beautiful, most intelligent, most attractive woman and fall in love with her. Nothing could be more natural. How can you call it strange?”

“One day you will have your regrets. I’m eleven years older than you, and not very good looking.”

“Why are you always talking about such things? Why do you doubt me?” He grew more anxious and the blue veins on his neck stood out, throbbing.

“I believe you. I believe everything.” She grabbed his hand and kissed it, the moist hand of a young man around twenty years of age. “But. .”

“No buts!” He clasped her tightly to himself, with all his youthful ardor. He thought of the story of the Garden of Eden. God had said that Eve was the bone of Adam’s bone and flesh of his flesh.

“Wuye, I’m married and have a child.”

“I know.” The tears shone in his eyes. “Everything is up to you. If you think it’s too much trouble, I’ll leave and go far away. But regardless, I love you. I’m free to love, and you are free to accept or reject my love.”

“Love and freedom have never coexisted.” Xingxing hung her head in silence. “Love and freedom are a paradox, an eternal paradox.”

She recalled a quote from Sartre: “Love is the most futile thing in that it is the possession of a freedom. Though all lovers demand this oath, they also hate it. He wants to be loved freely, but this freedom must be a freedom without freedom.”

She suddenly felt afraid of herself. Goodness. Is this how she loved Wuye? Was her love that calm and rational? Who was it that she really loved? Was it Wuye? Xiaojun? Or some figment of her imagination? She didn’t want to think about it anymore. She knew that a person who had lost hope in love was beyond hope.

9

When Yu’er entered, the whole dining hall seemed to light up. She was accompanied by her mother who carried an odd-looking stringed instrument. Her clothes were unusually pretty. To her pure Yugur dress, some alterations had been made. She did not wear the usual vest over her embroidered silver-white gown. She wore a heavy necklace of coral and shells. Her brown tresses hung down like two streams of gold in which she wore a large red rose. The white and red served to highlight her brown skin. Her deep amber eyes blended with the gold.

There was no band, no microphone, nothing modern, but as soon as she opened her mouth, it was as if she were in the middle of the most modern music hall. It was as if there were loudspeakers positioned all around the restaurant that were a bit static and raspy at first. But as soon as she opened her mouth, her voice was unusual. Those from the big cities applauded vigorously. Between numbers, Yu’er picked up a glass, drained it at one go, said thank you, and continued singing. Without a delay, the entire restaurant erupted in applause. Yu’er began to enjoy herself and danced as she sang. She was barefoot and four strands of pale purple beads were strung between her toes, and her fingernails were all painted the delicate pink of a new moon. She began to gyrate, sometimes she would raise her ten interlaced fingers before her face; sometimes she would raise both arms and spread them. Her soft curves undulated more rapidly and in her mad gyrations, she uttered a marvelous trill. She was like a kite on a long, thin string scudding here and there. A scudding golden illusion. The audience seemed to rise and fall with this illusion. Handfuls of colorful flowers were tossed at the illusion, creating a rainbow of color in the golden light.

The old woman strummed the odd stringed instrument. Xingxing couldn’t determine how many strings it had, but felt that its sound had a certain magical power. It allowed Yu’er’s sometimes gloomy and sometimes unrestrained voice to expand and contract, rising and falling like a tide, by turns bitter and happy.

We were from the distant West,

Our ancestors told us,

Our home would be Xizhihazhi

The sacred black ox led the way

To the Bazi Mound.

Atop the Bazi Mound,

A patch of rosy tamarisks

Can be seen in the desert.

It was an auspicious place

We’ve remained here since then

And became the Yugur people of today .

Xingxing could see a tear rolling slowly from the dry corner of old Guonu’s eye.

10

With wine and song, Yu’er pushed the banqueters toward insanity.

Later, everyone began to dance madly. Xingxing signaled with her eyes to Wuye. The two of them were about to leave when Yu’er approached as if on a breeze. Yu’er smiled sweetly at Xingxing and then turned quickly to Wuye. She took up the wine bottle and poured a glass and raised it in a toast: “Brother Wuye, I know you don’t drink, but according to the etiquette of the Yugur people, wine offered in a toast must be drunk. If you don’t, I’ll sing you a song that will never end.”

Wuye blushed the color of a ripe persimmon. He had no idea why he had become so popular. His eyes dulled and he dared not look in Xingxing’s direction. He was not conscious of the presence of anyone else in the hall save Xingxing. He vaguely sensed that Xingxing nodded at him. He then gulped down the draught. It was like a cold snake descending his gullet. Then as if the poison suddenly spread, his eyes teared up and vaguely noticed that the glass was untouched.

“Drink up, Brother Wuye.”

He heard her charming voice. Her words reverberated in his mind. He felt afraid and powerless to prevent it. It was just like that mysterious incantation from the red room, which, repeatedly pronounced, became thoroughly enervating.

“Drink up, Brother Wuye!” “Drink up, Brother Wuye!” “Drink up, Brother Wuye!”

Repeated over and over, the words became a hypnotic spell. He felt confused. It was as if he were drinking from a bottomless glass. He felt everyone was staring at him with mocking smiles. A grown man like him couldn’t drain the glass. He felt humiliated. He drank without stopping, clutching the glass till it nearly shattered in his hand.