Xu Xiaobin - Dunhuang Dream

He recalled how one day she had told him that she worshiped Green Tara. Tibetan Tantric Buddhism had always seen the female as symbolic of wisdom, and, for thousands of years, the Tibetans have respected and worshiped the Green Tara most. The Green Tara is in some ways similar to the Chinese Guanyin, but with apparently vaster spiritual powers and who handles more things. Zhang Shu could see from a tanka that Ahyuexi had brought that Tara’s skin was deep green. She was pretty and half naked and was draped with red and purple jewelry and sat on a lotus flower. Her teacher had told Ahyuexi that by worshiping Green Tara she could not only benefit herself, but also help others liberate themselves from suffering.

Sitting in meditation this evening, who is it she seeks to pull from the sea of suffering? He smiled wryly as he thought about this. No, so many forms of happiness were immersed in that sea of suffering. By rescuing someone from that sea, you were rescuing them from suffering and happiness, love and hate, life and death, love and desire and entering a world without all that. Perhaps that world was a good place, but it would never be a place he would seek out.

He knew that Ahyuexi was visualizing Green Tara. She said that when she was first initiated, she had visualized Green Tara, who was the chief object of her worship. Her right hand was lowered in the alms-giving mudra. In her left hand she held a blue lotus blossom. It was as if a hand held a precious vase above her from which poured a warm fragrance that flowed down along her deep gray hair, moistening her entire body. At that moment a green light burned around her and she felt she became Green Tara. And like Green Tara she remained behind in the cycle of life and death to help others and not enter nirvana.

But why was it that she couldn’t forgive her mother and her sister?

“Pan Sumin told me that that bastard Dayejisi seduced and was in league with my mom. They did him in. The only thing is that no proof has ever been found. .” That day Ahyuexi sat cross-legged beside a mandala she had painted and quietly told him all of this.

“She knows?”

“Of course, she knows! She’s our bodhisattva and everyone here tells her the truth. . My mom, that cheap bit of goods, told her so herself. She suspected that Dayejisi had sent someone to kill my father. But shortly after that, she married Dayejisi. For two years before my dad died, the two of them fought constantly. They had a reputation in these parts. .”

“Your mom has only one eye. Who made her that way?”

“I don’t know, but it’s said that it was karmic retribution for when she poked out the eye of Lakshmi in that painting handed down by the family.”

“Who said that? Was it your Bodhisattva Pan again?” snorted Zhang Shu sarcastically.

“That’s none of your concern. I feel like I have two mothers — the one of my youth who was gentle and pretty and the one here when I returned from Tibet, mean and ugly. Did you notice how much money Yu’er seems to have? She dresses well, but she’s nothing more than a carpet weaver. My mom makes even less money. So where did the money come from? A painting was stolen from Cave Seventy-three. Bodhisattva Pan says that my mom and Yu’er are most likely behind it. They’re rolling in money now! You’ve seen Yu’er’s necklace, haven’t you? It’s made of gold and jade.”

“If that’s the case, then why latch on to Wuye and not let him go?”

“Mom and Yu’er aren’t the main culprits. That Xiang Wuye is an expert in stealing frescoes. He knows all about what sort of resin to use, and he also confessed to the crime. Bodhisattva Pan recorded her interrogation of him.”

“Confessed? Stealing important cultural treasures carries extremely severe punishment. You’ve got to be kidding?” said Zhang Shu, suddenly restraining himself.

“Who said anything different? Bodhisattva Pan said to release him and get to the bottom of things, then arrest him. She said that he wasn’t going to run off.”

“That Pan Sumin is really sharp.” He thought of that compassionate-looking woman and his hair stood on end. “But there’s still a problem. What about that painting of your family’s that you just mentioned? It’s that painting titled Lakshmi Bathing , right?”

“How do you know about that. . you’re. . in it. . with them. .” Ahyuexi suddenly pressed her lips tightly together, her eyes afire. “Have. . have you slept with Yu’er?”

He was stunned. He never thought she would be so sensitive.

“Answer me. Did you sleep with her?” Her long, dark gray hair flared and stood like the antennae on a water sprite.

He didn’t utter a word.

“Oh. . you did, you did! You slept with her!” Her voice suddenly grew hoarse. As if a severe pain swept over her, she suddenly collapsed in a heap. He was frightened by the sight of her ashen face. He took hold of her, but she slipped from his grasp like a struggling fish. As they struggled, she did not strike out, but feebly resisted. She loved him deeply. This was the main difference between her and Yu’er.

“Yu’er is not a true yoga adept. She was never initiated. .” She looked up at him through her bleary eyes, struggling to speak.

She cried for a long time. Touched, he stayed with her.

At that time, amid the golden light and the breeze, she sat quietly beside Yueya Spring, reflected in the water like a Green Tara with a blue lotus, praying for his future.

7

Every day, Xingxing repeated the same thing: “You’d better leave, Wuye.”

Wuye always gave the same reply: “I’ll leave tomorrow.”

But the days slipped by and Wuye was still there.

That is until that day, the day the copy of The Transformation of the Western Paradise was completed. The brief romance of Wuye and Xingxing suddenly came to end when they parted. It was a complete break, and they never saw each other again. They departed for two different worlds.

That day, the Research Center held a banquet to celebrate. The banquet was, of course, held at the best restaurant in Dunhuang. Xingxing thought the Sanbaotai was very good. And then all the liquors, some of which she knew and others she did not, had wonderful bouquets. Director Tang specially seated Xingxing next to Pan Sumin, no doubt a great honor. Both protested the seating arrangement. They avoided each other’s eyes and when they couldn’t avoid each other, they would force a smile. Xingxing pretended to listen to Director Tang’s remarks and twisted her neck until it ached. Actually, she was watching the main door, watching for Wuye’s arrival, because she had secured a place for him.

“. . and I would like to thank our guest from Beijing, Comrade Xingxing, a young woman painter. She was particularly helpful in completing the copy of the huge fresco The Transformation of the Western Paradise . Moreover, her assistance was voluntary. Let’s hear it for her!”

Applause erupted and all eyes moved in her direction. She felt flustered when she heard her name, but now it was even worse. She had to force a smile. She noticed Pan Sumin’s placid gaze. To cover her discomfort, she hurriedly took a sip of Sanbaotai , but in doing so, upset Pan Sumin’s long-stemmed wineglass.

“I’m sorry.” Xingxing quickly used her napkin to wipe up the spill, but was prevented by Pan Sumin.

“A waitress will be here.” She spoke coldly, “Waiter. .”

“. . we would also like to ask Yu’er, the young Yugur woman, to sing. .”

Director Tang was still speaking. People were coming and going. Among them, Xingxing saw the old manager, Chen Qing. Then she saw Wuye approaching.

He had a handsome walk. Perhaps because of his long legs, he looked comfortable and natural. He was his usual self: T-shirt and jeans but with a faded jacket this time. He was still paler than most people there and looked very serious, except when their eyes met, and then he smiled. Once again she found herself charmed by him. He really was a goodlooking young man with a fine disposition. If he were a pop idol, hordes of young women would swoon before him. Unfortunately, Wuye would not get up on stage, no matter how you might threaten him.