Xu Xiaobin - Dunhuang Dream

As a result, she saw Zhang Shu several times at Xingxing’s, and each time she threw him meaningful looks. But unfortunately, Zhang Shu never noticed. He and Xiao Xingxing talked about those unusual things, and she found it impossible to join the conversation. She found them a bit strange, but that only made him more attractive. Each day when she changed outfits, the fine clothes and jewelry only enhanced her beauty. But the moment she took her assigned seat, the brilliance of the not so pretty Xiao Xingxing overpowered her, making her feel as helpless as the White Snake pinned under the Leifeng Pagoda.

If Xiao Xingxing hadn’t changed her mind that day and gone to the Yulin Caves with Wuye, Yu’er might have lost what connection she was fated to have with Zhang Shu.

Zhang Shu returned quite late that day. As usual, the first thing he did upon returning was to examine the painting by Yu-Chi Yiseng. He had made little or no progress in researching Lakshmi, and had started to lose interest in the matter and had considered going home.

But he couldn’t find the painting — the place where he kept it was empty. He turned pale with fright and searched thoroughly several times again to no avail. Preoccupied, he sat by the window watching as the stars sank in the curtain of night. Finally, without turning the light on, he climbed into bed without even bothering to wash his feet. It was then that he heard a playful laugh following which he felt a soft, warm body.

At that moment, as the Buddha is his witness, he felt his hair stand on end. He fumbled to turn on the light, almost tripping over his shoes. When he finally managed to turn on the light, he saw Yu’er, as she lay under the blanket, stretching out her beautiful arm and covering her face, her lips slightly protruding as if she were going to smile. She was the epitome of beauty.

“You! What kind of joke is this?” he said, his fear giving way to anger.

Yu’er opened her arms wide and stared at him with her amber-colored eyes, her long lashes fluttering.

“Get out of here! Don’t make a fool of yourself!” he roared, pressed by his rising fear, his back to her.

Now, facing the window, he heard a rustle behind him followed by the sound of tired, shuffling footsteps. He saw an uncommonly lovely torso flash by him like a flash of brown light; he saw the curves of an exquisite form — like something on an ancient Greek vase — narrow at the waist and widening at the hips. Her dark, silky brown hair, which hung down to her waist, seemed to emit a fragrance and brushed softly against him like a jellyfish.

That lovely brown vase leaned in the doorway, trembling ever so slightly. In one hand she held a red silk garment that rustled strangely.

“What do you have there?” he heard himself say, his words catching in his throat.

“I’m taking back the painting. Aren’t you sorry to see it go?” he heard her ask tenderly. Desperately he stepped forward and pulled aside the bright red garment, revealing the painting. The moment he grasped the painting, he felt a cold, metallic grip.

9

She grabbed him and wouldn’t let go, scarcely giving him a chance to breathe. The moment he touched her body, every thought deserted him, leaving his mind blank, as if by magic.

Her body was smooth and cold like marble. Though she burned with desire, her body remained ice cold. In his confusion she seemed more like some mysterious black eel, a descendant of the fishy tribe, who was at that moment leading him into an evil labyrinth, where he would not be able to find another human being or himself. Everywhere was her reflected light, a brown light as cold as metal. Everywhere he looked he saw a golden woman, a naked, brightly shining woman. Was she a mystic consort or the compassionate Guanyin, the goddess of mercy? He found her mysterious, resembling both a young girl and someone who had lived a thousand years. In fact, she made love cold and impassively without the least hint of feeling, then frightfully she was as unbridled as a wild beast, her body filled with a heavy animal scent. This scent totally demolished Zhang Shu’s reason, intelligence, morality, and everything else associated with civilized human beings. At that moment, he even felt that his very soul was stark naked. In that absence of all else, he experienced an immense happiness and freedom — if two such things exist — he had never before encountered them.

That night a fierce wind howled. Zhang Shu heard it but thought it was his own ears ringing. Several years later, when he recalled that night, Zhang Shu’s ears would ring.

By midnight, the wind had subsided substantially. He suddenly awoke. The woman beside him was sleeping soundly, her lips parted greedily, revealing her shiny teeth. Her hair stuck together because of the sweat on her forehead. Looking at her, he was filled with a deep sense of regret.

After dressing, he walked to the window where he lit a cigarette. His legs felt as if they would give way. That cold body filled him with the same fear one might have felt in the presence of a snake or scorpion. He felt that that cold body would suck him dry.

The stars were beginning to fade. He thought of Xingxing next door. What would she think if she knew? Civilization had changed and transformed Xingxing too deeply. It was so difficult for two such civilized people to communicate and love. Then he thought of Xiyi, his wife. Now perhaps they were even. Neither could say anything about the other. Thus, it had always been so easy. He couldn’t help but secretly admire Yu’er’s resourcefulness and decisiveness. Civilized people appeared so stupid and pitiful before the uncivilized. And so he pondered until his cigarette burned down to his fingers. He suddenly recalled his son — his weak and scrawny little Zhang Gu. He felt he could never be as open as he had been. His son’s sharp little eyes would see right through him. Children are always smarter than adults.

10

Wuye dragged Xingxing off to the Yulin Caves so that he could see an old classmate, his best friend from his high school days. His friend was the captain of the basketball team and school chess champion, but the previous year he had gone to Dunhuang and not returned. Only after numerous inquiries was his family able to learn that he had become a monk at the Yulin Caves. His parents had made the long trip and pleaded with him tearfully to return home, all to no avail. For this reason, Wuye was more determined to see him.

However, they had been unable to see him. On the way, a sandstorm overtook them by surprise, preventing them from proceeding. They were on the bus at the time. The sandstorm rose, forming a thick, gray, impenetrable barrier, cutting off all visibility. The bus was jolted. Xingxing saw many passengers talking — their lips were moving, but she couldn’t hear a thing. The storm swallowed all other sounds. As the bus was making the second turn on the mountain switchback road, the bus spun like a top, following which, Xingxing felt herself hurled through the air and slammed to the ground. Just before she lost consciousness, she seemed to see an infinite number of multicolored fragments in the sandstorm.

Later, her head spinning, she seemed to find herself on a camel. Jounced around on the camel’s thin, bony back, she felt as if she were being painfully shaken apart. She heard the wind howling in her ears and felt as if she were soaked to the bone by the freezing rain. She wanted to say something or shout but was unable to do so. She was incapable of producing a sound, and try as she might to open her eyes, all she could see was a ghostly black shade. Terribly frightened, she squeezed the camel’s back between her legs. The camel suddenly knelt, nearly throwing her to the ground.

Startled, she suddenly glimpsed light in front of her. She could also see that the windblown sand was still obscuring everything. Her clothes had become the same ashen color as the blowing sand. Then she discovered that she was unable to find herself and that she was not riding a camel, but was being carried by Wuye.