Amos Oz - Fima

The snows of yesteryear.

Azoy .

Fima remembered with disgust how the previous Friday, exactly a week ago, at Shula and Tsvi Kropotkin's the conversation had turned after midnight to the Russian component, which had had such a strong influence on various currents of Zionism. Tsvika made ironic fun of the naive Tolstoyism of A. D. Gordon and his disciples, and Uri Gefen recalled how once the country had been full of fans of Stalin and songs about Budyonny's cavalry. Whereupon Fima stood up, stooped slightly, and had the whole room doubled up with laughter when he began declaiming in liquid, orotund tones a typical passage from an early translation of Russian literature:

"Dost thou here also dwell, my good man? Beside Spasov I dwell, close by the V — Monastery, in the service of Marfa Sergeyevna, who is the sister of Avdotya Sergeyevna, if Your Honor might condescend to recall, her leg she broke as from the carriage she leaped, when to the ball then she was going. Now beside the monastery she dwells, and I — in her house."

Uri had said:

"You could go around the country giving public performances."

And Teddy said:

"It's straight out of the wedding scene in The Deerhunter —what was it called in Hebrew?"

Whereas Yael remarked dryly, almost to herself:

"Why do you all encourage him? Just look at what he's doing to himself."

Fima now accepted those words of hers like a slap in the face that brought tears of gratitude to his eyes. And he resolved that he would never again make a fool of himself in her presence. Or in the presence of others. From now on he would concentrate.

While he was standing there preparing his new life, staring at the names of the residents inscribed on a row of worn mailboxes in the hallway of a gray stone building, startled to see that there was a Pizani family here too and half surprised not to find his own name underneath it, a smooth-talking Sephardi rabbinical student, a thin, bespectacled youth clad in the costume of an Ashkenazi Hasid, addressed him politely. Warily, as if fearing a violent reaction, he urged Fima to fulfill the commandment of putting on tefillin, here, on the spot. Fima said:

"So, will that hasten the coming of the Messiah, in your opinion?"

The youth replied at once, eagerly, as though he had prepared himself for this very question, in a North African accent with a Yiddish lilt:

"It will do your soul good. You will feel relief and joy instantly, something amazing."

"In what sense?" asked Fima.

"It's a well-known fact, sir. Tried and tested. The arm tefillin cleanses the defilement of the body and the head tefillin washes all the dirt out of the soul."

"And how do you know that I have a defiled body and a dirty soul?"

"Heaven forbid that I should say such a wicked thing. Lest I sin with my lips. Every Jew, even if he be a sinner — may it not happen to us! — his soul was present at Mount Sinai. This is a well-known fact. That is why every Jewish soul shines forth like the heavenly radiance. Nevertheless, sometimes it happens, sadly, on account of all our troubles, on account of all the rubbish that life in this lower world is always heaping on us, that the heavenly radiance inside the soul becomes dirty, so to speak. What does a man do if he gets dirt inside the engine of his car? Why, he takes it to be cleaned out. That is an allegory of the dirt in the soul. The commandment of putting on tefillin cleanses that dirt out of you instantly. In a moment you will feel like new."

"And what good will it do you if a nonbeliever puts on tefillin once and then goes on sinning?"

"Well, you sec, it's like this, sir. First, even once helps. It improves the maintenance. One commandment leads to another. It's also like a car: after so many kilometers you service it, clean out the carburetor, change the oil, and all that. Naturally, once you've invested a little something in maintenance, you start to take better care of your car. So it keeps its value. Gradually you get into a daily maintenance routine, as we call it. I give you this example only as an illustration, to help you grasp the idea."

"I don't have a car," Fima said.

"No, really? You see, it's true what they say: everything comes from Heaven. I've got a car for you. A bargain like you've never seen. A once-in-a-lifetime chance. But first let's mark the difference between sacred and profane."

"I can't drive," said Fima.

"We'll get you through the test for three hundred dollars in all. Unlimited lessons. Or we'll find a way to include it in the price of the car. Something special. Just for you. But, first, put on tefillin: you'll see, you'll feel like a lion."

Fima laughed:

"Anyhow, God's forgotten me."

"And second," the young man continued, oblivious, with ever-mounting enthusiasm, "you should never say 'nonbeliever.' There's no such thing as a nonbeliever. No Jew in the world can be a nonbeliever. The very expression is tantamount to slander, or even — Heaven forbid! — to blasphemy. As it is written, a man should not reckon himself as wicked."

"I happen," Fima insisted, "to be a one-hundred-percent nonbeliever. I don't observe a single commandment. Only the six hundred and thirteen transgressions."

"You are mistaken," the young man said politely but firmly, "totally mistaken, sir. There is no such thing in the whole world as a Jew who does not keep some commandments. There never has been. One does more, another does less. As the Rebbe says, it is a matter of quantity, not quality. Just as there is no such thing as a righteous man who never sins, so there is no such thing as a sinner who does not perform some righteous acts. Just a few. Even you, sir, with all due respect, every day you observe a few commandments, at least. Even if a person considers himself a total apikoros , he still observes a few commandments each day. For example, the fact that you're alive, you're already keeping the commandment Thou shalt choose life.' Every hour or two, every time you cross the road, you choose life, even though you could have chosen the opposite, Heaven forbid! Am I right? And then the fact that you've got kids — they should be healthy! — you have observed the commandment 'Be fruitful and multiply.' And the fact that you're living in the Land of Israel — that's another half-dozen commandments. Then if you feel happy sometimes, you've got another one. Every one's a winner! Sometimes you may have an overdraft up in Heaven, but they never cut off your credit. Unlimited credit, that's what you get. And meanwhile, for the few commandments that you do keep, you've got your own private savings plan up there, and every day you invest a bit more and a bit more, and every day they credit you with interest and they add it to your capital. You'd be amazed, sir, how rich you are without even knowing it. As it is written, the ledger lies open and the hand writes. Five minutes to put on tefillin, less than five minutes even — believe me, it doesn't hurt — and you accumulate an extra bonus for Sabbath. Whatever your line of business in the lower world, believe me there's no other five-minute investment that will give you a higher yield. It's a tried and tested fact. No? So it's not so terrible. Maybe it's just that your time hasn't come yet to put on tefillin. When it comes, you'll know. You'll receive a signal there's no mistaking. The main thing, sir, don't forget: The gates of repentance stand ever open. Around the clock, as they say. Sabbaths and festivals included. Now, about the business of the car and the driving test, here, take these two phone numbers."

Fima said:

"Right now I haven't even got a phone."

The missionary shot him a pensive sideways glance, as though making some kind of mental assessment, and hesitantly, in a voice that was close to a whisper, he said: