B. Johnson - House Mother Normal

uthr

gogoniant

huan

epil

syber!

.

Disglair

addurno

fyny

ynni

digrif

drud

Tirion

eisen

.

gwron

atodiad

ifanc

.

Hadu

unol

golenad

haul

eryr

safon

I am

terrible, Ivy

Now I can every

word you say I am a prisoner in my

self. It is terrible. The movement agonises me.

Let me out, or I shall die

No, I do

not get any

lighter, Ivy,

I in-

tend

not

to get

an y -

thing

any

more

no

mor

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

House Mother age 42 marital status divorcée sight 85 % hearing 90 % touch 100 % taste 40 % smell 95 % movement 100 % CQ count 10 pathology mild clap; incipient influenza; dandruff; malignant cerebral carcinoma (dormant)

They are fed, they are my friends. Is that not enough?

And what would be enough? Some of them indeed are not

capable of differentiating between meat and bread — no,

that is not an argument for not giving them meat. A balanced

diet is essential to the health of the aged. I know that.

I know what is best for them. I am a trained House Mother.

Did I not work under Frau Holstein of the House in Basle?

Ah! Sunny days sitting on the slopes of the Moron, or walking

by the green river, with that good, good, woman.

Yes, I know what I am talking about, friend, as regards

diet and everything else to do with the efficient running

of a tidy…. No! You can’t have any more meat, you gutsy greedy

old slobbery cow! The impertinence of it! And what does she

think of next? I can read her like a book — she is after Ron’s

meat, a birdlike eater, Ron, the twitcher will stop her. No!

Three from the twitcher for thieves, Mrs Ridge, one! two! three!

There! That will teach you, Mrs Ridge!

Treat them like children: they are children, aren’t they?

This is truly their second childhood, isn’t it?

Oh, do not think I justify

myself! I have no psychological need to do that, friend, none

at all. Do not deceive yourself: deception is a sin if not a crime.

Now come on, finish up like good second children. There’s

all the treats of our weekly Social Evening to come .

So many of them look beautiful,

manage to keep some beauty, even acquire some beauty. I use

the word advisedly. Even the bearded Stanton lady, in her

way. Come along now! Chivvy chivvy chivvy. Day-

dreaming, most of them, they remember years ago far better

than they remember to change themselves, or ask to be

changed. They admire the past, think so much of the past: why

therefore do they expect treatment any different from that

they would have received in the workhouse of the past?

Ah, you can bet, friend, they prefer at least this aspect of

modern life, do not want to return to the good old workhouse

days! Oh dear me, no, no!

Isn’t that a not unpleasing paradox?

This may be a

charitable institution, that may be the form of words, but

it is as remote from what was known as a workhouse as my

Ralphie is from a

dingo.

Right now! Clear up! Quietly ,

if you please, this is not a bandhouse or bothy! What d’you

imagine you’re at? Quietly!

At least we

don’t have washing up to do with these cardboard plates.

Just shoot the lot for pigswill, sell it. Must see if I

can get more off that swine Berry, ha, though he gets

enough off me one way or the other, besides the odd

bit of the other. I give him a good class of swill for

his pigs, they must enjoy the cardboard, I think. Pigs

eat anything, they say. No complaints, anyway, and it’s

all good for — You dirty old… person!

What a mess, dropped the lot!

Thought you were feeding Ralphie, did you? I tell you

Ralphie wouldn’t touch it after you had! He

has only the finest dogmeat, two tins a day, two large

tins, that is. Come here, Ralphie my darling, did

they try to tempt you with muck, Ralphie?

There, there . Feel the flowing of

those muscles, how tense he strains. Five

times! What a dog!

Mrs Bowen, I think we’ll make that

your last chance to drop anything, shall we?

Come on now! Last one to clear up is a cissy! Really

must get on to the office again about help. Can’t run

this place any longer with just a part-time cook. And

I’m not cooking once more in that place when she’s off

sick or drunk. They’ll have to give me help, have to.

Right, at last

we’ve finished clearing up our mess, haven’t we, and

so now it’s time for the House Song. Not

to say the House Hymn!

Are we ready ,

then? Altogether now, let’s be hearing

from you in the Balcony as well, one ,

two,

three!

The joys of life continue strong

Throughout old age, however long:

If only you can cheerful stay

And brightly welcome every day .

Not what you’ve been, not what you’ll be ,

What matters now is that you’re free:

The joys of life continue strong

Throughout old age, however long .

The most important thing to do

Is stay alive and screw and screw:

No matter if the future’s dim

So long as I can use my quim:

For I know best, and bring no cheer ,

Oh, lucky me, that I am here !

The most important thing to do

Is screw and screw, and screw and screw .

What a delightful song that is!

Now it’s work, everyone, work, and then play, play

later. Our little good deed for the day, work .

Ivy ,

fetch the boxes, please. It’s Fancy Goods

again tonight, my dears, Fancy Goods except for

Sarah and Charlie who I’ve got something very special

in mind for. Now my little Fancy Goods man

wasn’t too pleased with the work you did yesterday ,

I’m sorry to say — sorry for your sakes, that is, not

for mine, of course. Can we just be a little

bit more careful tonight? Not get the

sticky glue all over our fingers but only where it’s

supposed to go? Ivy, give me one of those here .

You see, it’s quite simple: you

just cut your crêpe paper to the width of your little

wooden roller, roll

it round like this and very carefully

glue all along the edge — very carefully, mind you ,

very carefully. You don’t need

much glue, just a smear, just a smear along one edge .

Is that all clear?

So do let’s do our little good deed for the day, but

do it well if we’re going to do it at all. Ivy ,

give out the work then, please .

Sarah and Charlie ,

my trusties, I have something special for you tonight .

Charlie, I want you to pour about

a quarter of each of these bottles into one of the