Лоуренс Блок - Ariel

“I was the same way when I was a kid.”

“You? Honest?”

“Honest.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze. “Something I wanted to talk about with you,” he said. “Your mommy’s going through a hard time lately. I suppose you’ve been able to sense that yourself.”

She didn’t say anything.

“It’s the shock of what happened to your brother,” he went on. “She’s having trouble getting over it. It’s given her bad feelings about this house and—”

“Are we going to move?”

“I don’t think so. You don’t want to move, do you, honey?”

“No!”

He smiled at the determination in her tone. “Neither do I,” he admitted. “And I don’t really think it’ll come to that. It’s just something your mother has to go through right now, and we have to go through it with her. She’s been short-tempered with me and probably with you, too. She’s under a lot of emotional stress and it’s very difficult for her.”

“How can I help?”

“Just be understanding.”

“Okay.”

“And if you’ve got problems of your own, don’t keep them bottled up inside you. Bring ’em to me, hear?”

“Sure.”

He gave her another hug. “I love you so much,” he said “Your mother and I both love you. You know that, don’t you?”

“Sure.”

He glanced at his watch. “ Rhoda’s going on in a minute,” he said. “Want to watch it with me?”

“Okay, sure.”

“You go ahead downstairs,” he said. “I’ll be down in minute.”

He walked into the upstairs bathroom while she hurried downstairs. What Roberta had said was true, he noticed — the stairs made no sound when Ariel used them. She weighed less, he thought, and walked lightly.

He didn’t really have to use the bathroom. He just wanted a moment alone, so he rinsed his hands and dried them and stood for a moment in thought.

“Your mother and I both love you. You know that, don’t you?”

Did Ariel believe it?

Was it true?

He loved her, certainly. And never more than he did tonight.

But Roberta?

He left the bathroom, walked the length of the hallway to the closed door of Caleb’s room.

And remembered.

Roberta at the hospital right after she’d had the baby. They were wheeling her to the recovery room and she was still delirious from the anesthetic. People always said crazy things when they were coming out from under anesthesia. It didn’t necessarily mean anything.

“David? David, there’s something you have to do.” And, when he’d leaned forward to catch her words, she’d whispered, “Get rid of Ariel, okay? We have a real baby now so we don’t need her anymore. Okay? You get rid of her. You take her back where she came from and I’ll bring the real baby home from the hospital. Okay, David?”

It didn’t mean anything. That’s what he told himself now and what he had assured himself at the time. People said crazy things under such conditions, and she was delirious and had no idea what she was saying.

“Your mother and I both love you. You know that, don’t you?”

He stopped to pour a glass of brandy and fill a pipe, then joined Ariel in front of the television set. They were still watching Rhoda when Roberta returned, barely acknowledging their greetings. She brushed past them into the kitchen, set down a bag of groceries, then swept past them to carry the rest of her purchases upstairs. The two of them went on watching television. David was on the point of saying something to Ariel, something about having to understand her mother’s behavior, but he couldn’t find a sentence that would improve the situation. He took a small sip of brandy instead and drew contemplatively on his pipe. It was perhaps ten minutes later that they heard Roberta scream.

She managed to get hold of Erskine in the morning before the first bell rang. “Listen,” she said, “you have to tell me something.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Just tell me one thing. You remember when you were over at my house?”

“Which time?”

“The first time. When we found the picture.”

“So?”

“And you went into Caleb’s room.”

“So?”

“What did you do in there?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“What did you do? ”

“Nothing, I said. I didn’t even go inside, I just looked from the doorway. Maybe I went in a step. Why?”

“Did you touch anything?”

“No.”

“Swear it.”

“Ariel, what’s the matter? ”

She wanted to hit him. “Swear it,” she said. “This is important. Did you touch anything or didn’t you?”

“Jesus,” he said. “I solemnly swear I did not touch a thing in that room. Is that okay or do you want me to hunt for a Bible?”

She relaxed. “You really didn’t.”

“I just said I didn’t. What’s going on?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

“Hey, wait a minute.” He grabbed at her coat. “What’s it all about, Jardell? Hang on.”

But she wrenched free from his grasp. “Later,” she said. “After school.”

Several times in the course of the day he tried to get her to explain but each time she put him off. She wanted to wait until there was more time. As they walked from school to his house he was elaborately casual, not even deigning to refer to the incident. They talked about other things. Then, when they were in his room, while he recovered his breath from his headlong charge up the attic stairs, she explained.

“Somebody did something in Caleb’s room.”

“Did what?”

“I don’t know exactly. It was hard to understand because she was so excited. Took his fish mobile down. Pulled some of his decorations off the walls. You absolutely swear you didn’t touch anything?”

“How many times do I have to swear? Don’t you take my word all of a sudden?”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “But she came home last night and I guess she went into his room and she gave out with a scream like the world was coming to an end and then she tore downstairs and started yelling. She wanted to know why I’d been in his room and I said I hadn’t been in there, which was true, the last time I went in Caleb’s room was ages ago. Before the time you went in there.”

“You weren’t in there since?”

She hesitated for an instant, then shook her head. “No, not since the time you opened the door. Remember I didn’t even want to look inside?”

“I remember. You turned your head away.”

“Right. I haven’t been in there since. I’ll stand outside the door once in a while but that’s all. Listen. I just thought of something. Was the fish mobile hanging over his bed when you were there?”

“How do I know?”

“I thought maybe you would remember one way or the other.”

“I barely remember what the room looked like, for God’s sake.” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I wasn’t really interested in looking at anything. I just wanted to get an idea what it felt like. You know, standing there and looking at the crib where it happened.”

“Where what happened?”

“You know, where he died. That’s all. But I didn’t notice anything, really.”

“Some of the wall decorations were on the floor. And the mobile was all broken. You would have noticed things like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Maybe. I suppose so.”

“She thought I did it. She was screaming like an insane person. If David hadn’t been there I think she would have tried to kill me or something.”

“What did you say?”

“I told her I didn’t do it. What else could I say? I don’t think she believed me. She had to pretend to but I don’t think she really believed me.”