Сигрид Нуньес - Salvation City

Tracy says, “I love this great big beautiful world and I know my life has been blessed. But when I see what’s happening out there, all the violence and greed and perversion, well, I understand why it’s time for this chapter of the story to end. I want to go where evil can’t get its filthy hoof in the door. I want to be with all the people I’ve ever loved and all the good folks that ever lived, all of us happy together forever with the angels and saints and the Lord.”

Everyone in Salvation City talks about being rapture ready. They even joke about it. (“Don’t cry. It’s not like it’s not the end of the world.”) They talk about the Second Coming and the Resurrection and being reunited with loved ones who’ve already gone home.

Mason tries to comfort Cole. How did they know his mother and father hadn’t seen the light? Who was to say that, at the very last minute, they hadn’t taken Jesus into their hearts? How could anyone say for sure that wasn’t the way it went down?

Cole could say. For sure, his parents had not done that. And Mason cannot tell a lie. Unless that miracle occurred, Cole’s parents would never be with God. And he opens the Bible to John 14:6 to show him where it is written.

He cannot bring himself to believe that his parents are in hell. It is very different from believing that they are not in heaven. He can understand why those who had never accepted or worshipped God would not ever be permitted to meet him. But it maddens Cole that anyone would think his parents deserved to be punished for not knowing Christ. The Christians he has met are not better people than his mother and father. Some of them, like Mason, have done things worse than anything his parents had ever done. Cole does not understand how, after Judgment Day, the saved are going to be happy in heaven knowing that at every moment they are enjoying themselves billions of other people are being horribly tortured. Wouldn’t that be incredibly mean and selfish of them? He wonders if God intends to wipe the knowledge of hell from the minds of the saved in the way that, before the Fall, he kept Adam and Eve from knowing about evil. But that is another puzzle. If Adam and Eve knew nothing of evil, how could they have known right from wrong? And if they didn’t know right from wrong, how could they sin?

“You’re overthinking,” PW tells him. “Which is one very good way of keeping the Lord at a distance.”

Instead of overthinking, Cole is supposed to pray. But prayer does not come easily to him. It’s not just that his mind tends to wander, as it did during mindfulness training. It’s that it always feels more as if he was talking to himself or to the air than to God. He certainly has a very hard time believing God is listening. Besides, he is never sure what to pray for.

“Well, what would make you happy?” says PW. “Part of your prayers should always be telling God what your hopes are.” But what if his hopes are against God’s rules? What if his hopes are that hell doesn’t exist, and that if it does exist his parents are nowhere near there?

“Think of all the things that had to happen in order for you to end up here with us,” says PW. “Then tell me you don’t see God’s work in that.” Cole knows what PW is saying. He has felt it, too: some kind of force, some hand. His coming to Salvation City has never felt to him like an accident. But he is full of questions and doubts. And since he can tell the others do not feel what he is feeling, he thinks this must mean he is unsaved. At his worst moments he is afraid that he accepted Jesus not out of faith but to please Pastor Wyatt. He is not a true believer. He became a Christian because he did not see how he could stay in Salvation City if he didn’t.

He fills the moat with crocodiles. He draws a little medieval child about to fall in. A guardian angel poised on a turret, ready to swoop down.

WHEN THE PLAGUE STRUCK Salvation City, Tracy had not been among those who were passed over. Like Cole, she’d had a brush with death. One morning, when they were supposed to be studying tectonic plates, she told him all about it.

“It was touch-and-go with me for about two weeks. The way I felt was worse than being sick with the cancer. What it was really like was chemo. I was weak and dizzy as a top and I kept throwing up. And I remember it was just like I was dreaming, even when I was awake. I knew I should be praying nonstop, but there were times when I was just too sick. And though I always put my trust in God, I tell you, I was scared. You know, it wasn’t as bad here as it was in some other places, but there were plenty of folks who didn’t make it through, and some of the ones that did make it have never been the same.

“I remember lying there in my sopping sheets and starting to panic because I was having so much trouble breathing. And this great shivering took ahold of me, really like some kind of fit, and I had room for only one big thought and it was that my time had come. I tried to call WyWy but all I got out was a squeak. It was daytime, but all of a sudden the room got way dark, like night. Next thing I felt myself being sucked through that darkness, like a train racing top speed through a tunnel. Then I burst out the other end into this flashing light, which I knew right off was a holy light. And standing right in the middle of that light I saw him.”

Holding up his hand like a traffic cop.

“Like, not so fast, ma’am!”

It was the second time Christ had appeared to her. The first time, she was in the hospital and had just had surgery.

“Only that time it was night and I was lying there wide awake. It’s not like the doctors were mean to me but they didn’t hide the bad news, either. I remember I turned my face to the wall and started crying harder than I’ve ever cried in my life. And then someone turned on the light. Or at least that’s what I thought at first. Then I rolled over and saw him.”

He was sitting in the visitor’s chair by the bed.

“That really got to me, how he was sitting there with his legs crossed like any ordinary dude, except for the awesome light. And even before he said a word, I stopped crying. My family always loved me, and from the time they knew I was sick they were right there, doing everything they could for me. But nothing they ever did brought me anything like the peace I felt then. It was just a whole ’nother scale. I still thought I was going to die, but now I was ready.”

Except what Jesus had come to tell her was a different story.

“You know me, CoCo, I got a memory like a sieve. But even though I didn’t write them down, I never forgot his words. ‘Your name is written in the book of life, and the day is near when you will be with me forever. But that time has not yet come. Do not be afraid of the suffering you will have to endure.’ He was talking about the pain and the horrible chemo and the fact that I’d never be able to have a baby.

“I was raised to believe in God, and I always went to church and said my prayers and tried to be a good person. But back then, I confess, whole days would go by without my giving much thought to Christ. But ever since then I have felt him right here, and I have always trusted him. That’s how I beat the cancer. I put my faith in his love, and in the end I got my reward. God sent me the best husband a woman could ever have, and then he sent us you.”

Cole wants to know what Jesus looked like. Tracy laughs and pinches his cheek. “Like himself, silly puppy. Who else?”

Later, when he is alone, Cole ponders Tracy’s story. To him it is not a comforting story. It is a splinter in his heart. I was raised to believe in God, and I always went to church and said my prayers. Tracy had already accepted Jesus Christ. Her name was already written in the book of life. So why did Jesus choose to appear to her, and not just once but twice? Cole’s parents had not been raised to believe in God. His parents were not redeemed. Hadn’t they needed to see Jesus a thousand times more than Tracy did?