Масахико Симада - Death by Choice

“I imagine they’ve grilled you to death over it all. You’re the only one who knows the details of the abduction, after all.”

“The cops have kept the pressure up. They’re trying to claim the abductor and I were in cahoots, and it was all a put-up job. I spent another five hours being questioned yesterday. And once the cops were done, it was the turn of the reporters. I’m worn out, let me tell you. Then the production manager’s been fleeced of all that money, so he’s going to use me to the hilt to make up for his losses. I have a half-day off today, then tomorrow I’m back on the treadmill again – magazine interviews, appearance on a talk show, recording discussions, discussions about appearing in some TV drama. In the next few months I have to decide about my future, so I’m being as nice as I can to everyone.”

“You sure no one’s eavesdropping?” the doctor murmured nervously.

“No, we’re fine in here. This is Daddy’s flat. I can’t go back to my own, it’s too dangerous. But they’ll be turning their attention to this place, too, before long.”

She wouldn’t be sleeping properly, he guessed. There was no way she could call a halt to this show-in-a-million she’d set in motion. She’d have to keep up the lies till the day she died. If they ever learned the truth about that abduction, they’d arrest her as an accessory to fraud. If she ever did get the urge to confess, the safest way would be to use a public broadcast. She’d be arrested, true, but at least she’d be free of the harassments of the production manager and the gangsters and politicians. They were bound to smell something fishy about this whole abduction story. And if they started following up their hunch, all they had to do was ask at the inn at that hot springs resort where the two had stayed, and the answer would be clear. Then it would be only a matter of time before they figured out that it was Shinobu herself who was behind all their problems. They’d wipe her career, for sure. Mind you, God knows what kind of career she had to look forward to anyway.

The cops weren’t completely satisfied that she was a victim, yet there was no way they could really set her up as an accomplice either. How could they find a motive that would stick? The only theory that would hold water was that she had been driven by her ambition to get back into the public eye. The mass media were playing up the claim that this former idol was using her misfortune to her own advantage. Meanwhile, the public was on the side of Shinobu and her unknown abductor. Many were saying that even if the whole story proved a farce, they should be let off lightly because, after all, they had helped sick children. Some sympathizers were even saying that thirty million yen was cheap at the price, while fans claimed Shinobu had grown up thanks to her abduction, and cynics spoke of “the starlet whose comeback cost a bomb.”

The names of the production manager, the gangsters, and the politicians who’d put up the ransom money had been publicized. They’d been made to squirm by being asked to explain themselves and clarify whether they intended to recover their money. In response, they had been forced to unanimously declare that Shinobu Yoimachi had their unwavering support and that they were delighted that she had come back safe and sound. This being the case, they were happy to have been able to help those unfortunate children with their donation.

They’d been forced to act charitably, and it made them hopping mad.

“Do you plan on keeping up the lie, then?” the doctor asked, just to remind her.

“Sure, no problem,” she replied. “Just so long as I can keep the money flowing. Those guys are just dogs that will follow along wherever the money runs. If they rubbed me out now, it would be their loss.”

“But sooner or later everyone’ll forget this thing, you know.”

“Sure. And I have lots to do before that happens. The battle’s just begun.” Her eyes held neither uncertainty nor loneliness.

Kita had looked just this way on Friday, the doctor thought. Though he made bad jokes, though he got giggly and stoned on marijuana, the determination in his eyes never wavered. Like her, he had had the will to fight.

Meeting Kita had changed Shinobu. What was it that had brought them together? That’s right, he’d been a fan of hers. He’d paid a hundred thousand yen to meet her, thus fulfilling one of his last wishes before he died. Shinobu must have sensed something at that meeting. She must have understood that within this man dwelled a proud and noble will.

When Kita had decided to end his life on Friday, his feelings must have been those of a soldier headed for the front – a tangle of tension, elation, and an exalted sense of purity. Shinobu’s keen senses would have picked up on this. And it was Kita, yes Kita, who had coaxed her from her cocoon and encouraged her to spread her wings. And Kita who had sent the doctor his dizzy spell.

“Just what is it you plan to battle, Shinobu?”

Neither she nor Kita would really have a clear enemy they needed to fight, after all. Surely there was an element of random willfulness in all this. The doctor couldn’t imagine a battle without an enemy in any terms other than as sheer hard work. But Shinobu had her reply ready.

“It’s simple. Kita and I fight freedom.”

“Freedom? You mean you’re a slave and you’re fighting to be free?”

“No, no. It’s just that I can’t any longer believe in sham freedom. Everyone keeps using the word, but all it amounts to is some limited freedom they’re grateful for being given by someone. Everyone’s ‘free’ on someone else’s terms. Freedom of expression, freedom of occupation, freedom of religion, freedom of living, freedom of movement – it’s all just about the rules of society really, not something I personally have won for myself, see? Look at it this way. No one’s going to give you the freedom to kill others, or to steal, or to commit arson, or to dispose of a corpse, or dig a grave wherever you want, or live on the street. So you may as well stop wanting to do any of those things. No one can actually be ‘free’ without being given the nod to do it. No one can even understand what freedom is. I get the feeling I’ve been deceived into thinking I was free all this time. So from now on, I intend to fight the lie of freedom.”

The doctor listened entranced. He could never have imagined that such an argument could have come from the mouth of this pouty-lipped star with fabulous breasts.

Maybe this realization of hers was due to the experience of having abducted herself along with the kidnapper, and given her own ransom money to sick kids instead of using it in some way connected with herself. It was the old Shinobu, the one who hadn’t yet met Kita, who’d sulked about how she was just a means for other people to make money. But having been abducted from her former self, she had learned the value and use of treating herself as property.

And so – eureka! Shinobu had discovered that she could change in all sorts of ways depending on who used her for what. And that she could change herself, any way she wanted.

She’d arrived at pretty much the same place that Kita had after his week-long travels – hadn’t she? Kita had thrown everything to the winds, and she’d taken on his colors and changed too. Or so it seemed.

“I guess you’re not afraid of dying now, eh?”

Shinobu snorted at this. “By the way, what’s become of my friend? If no one’s found his corpse, that would mean he’s still alive somewhere, surely?”

How was he to answer this? Kita appeared to have killed himself. The doctor had personally witnessed the wreckage. He hadn’t managed to prevent it, so he couldn’t claim payment from her. Miraculously, however, the suicide attempt might have failed. Perhaps Kita hadn’t died. The rest was groundless speculation, but he guessed Kita may have stubbornly tried to kill himself again, by some other means. Or perhaps he’d forgiven himself, given up on the suicide, and was back to his everyday life again?