Масахико Симада - Death by Choice

“You can kill me, but don’t kill yourself,” he told her. “If you die too, who’s going to remember me? Who can I visit in dreams?”

“Well stay alive, if that’s what worries you.”

“OK, say we die together. How do we do it? What’s your plan?”

“You lie on top of me, then I shoot you through the back. That way the bullet will get us both.”

“You’re the heroine of a tragedy right now, but this is going to be a joke later, you know. Come on, get dressed. I’m going out to bring this thing to an end.”

But for all his urging, Shinobu stayed put on the bed clutching the pistol, her finger poised over the trigger. Kita put out his hand and attempted to lift it from her grasp as if seizing a butterfly, but she continued to glare at him, and pointed the gun at her jaw. Her finger was still on the trigger.

“If you’re going to die, do it next Friday. You’ve still got lots more things you’ve got to do in this world. It won’t matter if you give yourself an extra week to do them. There must be things you’d love to do before you die. I’m into my seventh day here, and I’ve satisfied all my desires. But you haven’t yet.”

Shinobu heaved a deep sigh, took the barrel of the gun, and held it out to Kita. Then the corners of her mouth turned down and she fled weeping to the bathroom to take a shower.

Shinobu emerged in a better mood, with a smile ready for Kita, but he was no longer there. She searched under the bed, in the toilet, and out in the pool, but there was no sign of him. She stamped with vexation. Here she’d just decided to live a bit longer, and look what he’d gone and done! Fancy running off while she was in the shower! “I hate you Yoshio Kita!” she yelled, and began to throw whatever was to hand – pillow, towel, coffee cup. She came to her senses abruptly when the glass table shattered. Perhaps she would still be in time catch him, she thought. She flung on her clothes and rushed out of the room, her hair still wet. The moment the elevator doors opened onto street level, she dashed out into a street teeming with businessmen and office girls sauntering back from lunch.

People turned to watch, tittering as Shinobu flew along the street, drops flying from her hair and breasts flopping. Hadn’t they seen that face somewhere? Then a cry went up: “It’s her!”

Shinobu ran on. Kita had disappeared into the anonymous crowd. Still she ran. Her nipples rubbed painfully against her blouse. Her throat was so dry she felt it would split. She paused to buy a grapefruit juice from a drinks machine, tossed it down, then wiped her sweat with her sleeve and plumped herself down on a bench in front of a convenience store.

Three young men stood around her, eyeing her from a distance. They’d been on the lookout for a woman to chat up when they spotted her sitting there. A discussion followed. Now they stared blatantly, whispering her name among themselves, and to escape them Shinobu set off at a run once more. The men followed. As she ran, Shinobu remembered that she’d left her Bible in the hotel room. How could she have forgotten her protective talisman? She had to go back and get it! But she’d turned right and left and run up and down so many slopes in pursuit of Kita that she no longer had any idea where she was.

She dashed into a department store. The eyes of the girls at the cosmetics counter bored into her. Gasping for breath, she went up in the elevator. Now at last the effects of the vodka were beginning to hit her.

“Where do you sell Bibles?” she asked a lady shop assistant in the uniforms section.

“Bibles? You’ll find them in the bookstore on the fifth floor. Excuse me, er, are you the one who was kidna—”

“No. I’m free again.” Shinobu pushed the middle-aged woman out of the way and raced to the fifth floor. The sales floor heaved like a ship in a high sea. They were all looking. Gazes pierced her from everywhere, and she felt pursued by the whisper of her name. That’s Shinobu Yoimachi running past! She’s alive! What’s she doing in Shibuya? Is the kidnapper somewhere nearby? She should go straight to the police – was she raped by the kidnapper? Was she really abducted? Let’s save Shinobu Yoimachi! Chase her! What fun… Inaudible words echoed around her head. Help me, Kita! They’re trying to kidnap me!

“A Bible, please,” she said to the shop assistant.

“You want the New Testament? The Old Testament?”

“The one that has Jesus’ words in it,” Shinobu retorted irritably.

“They’re both on the Religion shelf,” the shop assistant said in a stupid voice.

Maybe, just maybe, she’d find Kita there browsing the Bible, she thought. But instead she found a close-cropped young man, turning the pages of a book with the ridiculous title Ten Steps to Happiness . Shinobu picked up a Bible with a yellow cover, and hurried back to the counter. Once more, everyone was looking at her. She had the urge to vomit. Bible clutched to her side, she fled to the toilet, rushed into the large Disabled Toilet, turned the lock, and vomited up a bitter black fluid.

If Kita were here he’d rub her back for her, he’d read the Bible to her, she thought. But here she was, alone once more. And all she had was a Bible. She idly opened it, and voicelessly spoke the words that met her eyes. These were the words from The Revelation of John that she read:

Written on her forehead was a name with a secret meaning: “Babylon the great, the mother of whores and of every obscenity on earth.”

Well if Tokyo was Babylon it could go up in flames for all she cared, thought Shinobu. Along with me, and all the men I’ve slept with. It wasn’t Tokyo’s fault, but that of its tainted people. No one spoke the truth. All were equally dyed deep with evil and corruption. That was why we needed God; a God who could make us all humble and ashamed of our sinfulness. But such a God could never appear on Earth in human form. If He did, all our envy and hatred would be hurled at Him.

Ah, she thought, I wish I could see Kita again. I don’t want to let him die. Even if we can’t meet again in this life, I just want to believe that there can exist on this Earth a man free of envy and hatred, like Jesus in the Bible.

A sudden thought flashed into her mind. That killer – she still had his cell phone number! She rushed out of the toilet and straight to a public telephone box. He answered on the fourth ring.

“Hi, it’s Shinobu. I’ve got something to ask of you. You can save people’s lives too, can’t you? If so, please stop Kita from killing himself. He absolutely mustn’t be allowed to die. I’ll pay you a million yen.”

“Right.”

“You can?”

“I’ll see what I can do. I was just about to come and get my fee for killing Yashiro, actually. Is Kita still with you? Oh, he’s escaped, has he? I see. But no need to worry. I’ll find him, have no fear. I put a transmitter in his backpack, see, so I can tell pretty much exactly where he is.”

And so Yoshio Kita was once again a followed man.

Kita intended to quit the capital again. He hadn’t fixed on where he should kill himself, but he could see that it would be useless to hang around the city with its high ratio of police.

Hot on Kita’s trail aided by the transmitter in his backpack, the doctor caught sight of him going into Tower Records. The doctor stood just beyond the periphery of Kita’s vision, watching his feet to see where they’d take him next. Kita walked past the Opera section three times and finally left without buying anything. Outside, he hailed a taxi.

His destination was the airport out on reclaimed land in the bay. With what must be close to the last of his money, Kita bought a ticket at the counter, and proceeded to check in for the flight to Sapporo. The doctor followed suit, allowing a two-minute interval. There were still forty minutes before boarding. Still wearing his backpack, Kita went into the bathroom, and didn’t emerge for some time. Maybe he was having trouble getting rid of the pistol, mused the doctor. Or busy plastering down his hair. Or did he want to be alone for a bit? Then the worrying thought flashed through his mind that Kita might actually commit suicide in there behind closed doors. He was just setting off to check when Kita emerged, looking cheerful. He went straight to the hand luggage inspection point, and passed through without any check being made of his backpack. Evidently he was no longer carrying the pistol. Well, that meant that at least he wouldn’t be able to shoot himself, and also that the doctor needn’t worry about being kidnapped again.