Jarett Kobek - Only Americans Burn in Hell

Despair.

All secularism has done, really, is remove a yoke from the rich. They’d always been horrible, but at least when they still paid lip service to Christian virtues, they could be shamed into philanthropy.

Now they use market forces to slide the whole thing into feudalism.

New York University built a campus with slave labor!

In the Twenty-First Century ad!

And has suffered no rebuke!

Applications are at an all-time high!

The historical arguments against Christianity are as facile as reviews on Goodreads.com, and come down to this: Why do you organize around bad people who tell you that a Skyman wants you to be good?

To which the rejoinder is: yes, the clergy sucks, but who cares how normal people are delivered into goodness?

As for philological research.

C’mon, get real.

None of these arguments would’ve worked on Fern or the Fairy Knight.

How does one supranatural creature tell two other supranatural creatures that they shouldn’t believe in a fourth supranatural creature?

Rusticano couldn’t make that argument.

So he made a fire.

You can’t talk people out of religion.

But you can violently assault them and burn down their churches. Or spraypaint MUHAMMAD PROPHET OF BUTCHERS on their masjid.

It won’t work, you won’t disabuse people of their belief.

But anything’s better than subjecting the world to another lecture about atheism.

The 2016 AD Aston Martin Vanquish made its way up Sunset Boulevard.

Dmitri Huda had the night off.

HRH was in the driver’s seat.

HRH turned left onto Silver Lake Boulevard.

A sex worker was in the passenger seat.

She looked out of the passenger-side window at the Silversun liquor store.

HRH followed Silver Lake Boulevard to the 2016 AD Aston Martin Vanquish’s final destination, which was HRH’s mid-century Los Angeles home overlooking the Silver Lake Reservoir.

HRH’s personal breaking point with Beverly Hills had come in the autumn of 2015 AD, when the media turned its attention to HRH’s cousin HRH Majed bin Abdullah bin Abdulaziz Al Saud.

HRH Majed had, allegedly, thrown a party over three days.

The party had, allegedly, spanned from September 21, 2015 AD to September 23, 2015 AD.

On September 25th, 2015 AD, three women, who’d been employed by HRH Majed to provide housekeeping services during the party, filed a civil lawsuit with the Superior Court of Los Angeles.

In the complaint, the women were anonymous. They were listed as JANE DOES 1 through 3.

On October 22nd, 2015 AD, the three JANE DOES filed an amended complaint. And this second complaint caught media attention.

In the complaint, it was alleged that over the alleged three nights of alleged drug abuse, HRH Majed bin Abdullah bin Abdulaziz Al Saud had: (1) allegedly attempted to urinate on or around JANE DOES 1 through 3 while saying, allegedly, “I want to pee pee!” (2) allegedly threatened to kill JANE DOE 1, allegedly saying, “Tomorrow I will have a party with you and you will do everything I want, otherwise I will kill you” (3) allegedly jumped on top of JANE DOE 2 while she was seated and allegedly started rubbing his body against her body in a sexual manner and then, allegedly, shouted: “I am a prince and I do what I want! You are a nobody” followed by, allegedly, “You’re not a woman! You’re nobody! I’m a prince and I’ll do what I want and nobody will do anything to me!” (4) allegedly grabbed JANE DOE 2’s arm and allegedly kicked her on the knee while maintaining his grasp, allegedly leaving nail marks on her wrist and bruise marks on her thigh (5) allegedly instructed JANE DOE 3 as follows: “You’re going to go upstairs. I’ll be up there in two minutes and you’ll do whatever I want. If not, then I’ll kill you” (6) allegedly forced JANE DOE 1 and JANE DOE 2 to watch as his penis was stroked, allegedly, by a male employee who was allegedly on his knees before HRH Majed (7) allegedly forced JANE DOE 1 to watch as a different man, by request, allegedly farted in HRH Majed’s face (8) allegedly told JANE DOE 1: “I will pay you to lick my entire body. If you make me feel good, you’ll feel good too.”

The complaint said very little of HRH Majed’s subsequent arrest for alleged forced oral copulation, brought after a neighbor saw a woman smeared with blood, shouting for help, and trying to climb an eight-foot wall.

But the media reports said quite a bit.

To be fair to HRH Majed Majed bin Abdullah bin Abdulaziz Al Saud: he never faced a criminal trial stemming from his arrest at the hands of the LAPD.

The Los Angeles District Attorney’s office declined to press charges.

And, through his representatives, HRH Majed denied everything stemming from both the arrest and the civil trial. A representative said: “I will not dignify these salacious allegations – which the District attorney found to be unsupported by evidence… The decision by the D.A.’s office not to file charges shows that the accuser’s stories cannot be substantiated… The sheikh is very happy to put it behind him and move on with his life.”

And, it must be said: the lawsuit was filed anonymously and never went to trial.

None of its claims were even proven in a court of law.

And on December 12, 2017 AD, all parties filed for dismissal.

“Can you conceive of how difficult it is for an Arabian prince to be arrested in Beverly Hills?” HRH had asked Dmitri Huda after the media descended. “Even with these false charges and obvious calumnies, how does one achieve such a miracle?”

“His father died in January,” said Dmitri Huda. “Maybe he’s distraught.”

“I wish that my father would die in January! Or any other month! You would never find myself dismantling an equitable arrangement with law enforcement! If one cannot trust the LAPD, then one can trust nothing. The heat is on, Dmitri.”

And so HRH escaped to Silver Lake.

The 2016 AD Aston Martin Vanquish pulled into HRH’s driveway.

A small plastic device sent out a radio transmission that instructed a motor to open the garage door.

The 2016 AD Aston Martin Vanquish pulled into the garage.

HRH removed the crystal key from the ignition.

HRH and the sex worker walked up the stairs and into HRH’s hallway.

“Is this you?” asked the sex worker, pointing to a photograph of a young HRH and Ronald Wilson Reagan, taken during the last year of the former actor’s Presidency, when Alzheimer’s disease had begun transforming the former actor’s brain into useless mush.

“I am indeed the prepubescent so pictured,” said HRH.

The sex worker walked past the photograph of HRH and Richard Milhous Nixon, taken in the early 1990s AD, just before the former President’s death. In the photograph, an unfortunate wisp of a moustache was present on HRH’s upper lip.

HRH walked past the photograph of himself and William Jefferson Clinton, taken in the late 1990s AD. In the photograph, HRH had become a young man.

The sex worker walked past the photograph of HRH and George Walker Bush.

HRH walked past the photograph of himself and George Herbert Walker Bush, taken only moments after HRH was photographed with George Walker Bush.

“The noblest soul ever to vomit upon the Prime Minister of Japan,” said HRH.

The sex worker walked past the photograph of HRH and Donald J. Trump, taken around 2005 AD. The two men were in Bangkok. They were surrounded by pleasure girls.

“Fuck,” said the sex worker. “You know him?”

“He is a friend of my father,” said HRH.

“Who the fuck is your father?” asked the sex worker.