Iris Murdoch - Under the Net

Sadie and Sammy were still talking. By now my ears were nearly leaving my head and gluing themselves on to the door behind me.

'What are you so nervous about?' Sadie was saying. There was no doubt who was using whom in this connivance of unsavoury characters. 'Present him with the star and the script and your contracts, and we have a flying start. Belfounder hasn't anything on us legally; and if he starts making complaints I can make plenty of counter-complaints about the way I was treated. As for young Donaghue, we can buy him any day of the week.' This annoyed me so much I nearly got up and banged on the door.

But at once Sammy replied, 'I don't know. These fellows have funny scruples.'

Good for Sammy! I thought; and I was seized forthwith by a convulsive desire to laugh, and had to prevent myself by covering my mouth violently.

The woman with the pinafore reappeared at her window, and at the same time the woman with the hat, who evidently lived in the flat above, appeared at a higher window accompanied by a man 'There he is!' she said, pointing to me. Then they came out on to the fire escape.

'Perhaps he's deaf and dumb,' said the woman with the pinafore.

'Can't you say anything?' called the man on the fire escape. This was becoming embarrassing. I glared at him, and pointing into my mouth shook my head vigorously. I wasn't sure whether nodding wouldn't have conveyed my meaning more clearly, but the possibilities of misunderstanding were in any case so enormous that it didn't seem to matter much one way or the other.

'He's hungry,' said the woman in the pinafore.

'Why don't you do something?' said the woman in the hat to her husband in that maddening way women have. I felt quite sorry for the fellow.

He scratched his head. 'Why can't we just leave him alone?' he said. 'He's not doing any harm.'

This was such a sensible remark that I couldn't but wave to him my congratulations and fellow-feelings. The effect must have been gruesome. He recoiled.

'You can't leave him there,' said the woman with the pinafore. She had come out on to the fire escape too. 'He's looking straight into our rooms. Suppose the children were to see him?'

'I tell you, he's got away from somewhere!' said the woman above.

A female who was obviously a char then appeared at the kitchen door of the flat below, and had to have the whole matter explained to her. All this while I was in a cold sweat in case the hullabaloo might attract the attention of Sadie and Sammy; but they were either so drunk or else so absorbed in their plot that so far they had noticed nothing.

'I'd like to look it over again before I see H. K.,' Sadie was saying, 'Where is it, incidentally?'

'It's at my flat,' said Sammy.

'Could we phone and have it brought over at once?' Sadie asked.

'There's no one there,' said Sammy, 'that is unless our new star has come. But that's unlikely.' He laughed.

'You know, I think that was a terribly bad idea of yours,' said Sadie. 'That stuff's just out of date.'

'You're jealous!' said Sammy. 'Look, I'll call there this evening and bring it round then; will that do?'

'That'll do,' said Sadie.

'Late!' said Sammy.

'That'll do!' said Sadie.

There was laughing and scuffling. I wished them joy of each other. But most of all I wished that I could understand what in heaven's name they were up to.

'I'll leave squaring Donaghue to you,' said Sammy.

'We aren't on very good terms,' said Sadie. 'Did I tell you I tried to employ him as a caretaker, but he cleared off?'

'With Belfounder on the rampage you'll need an armed guard,' said Sammy. 'But why employ an ass like Donaghue? You really have no common sense at all.'

'I rather like him,' said Sadie simply. This bit touched me deeply.

'Well, you look after him then,' said Sammy.

'Oh, stop worrying, will you?' said Sadie. 'One translation's just like another. If he won't let us use his we can buy another translation overnight. All we need is to let H. K. see it now in English. As for the Frenchman, he'd sell us his grandmother for dollars.'

This set me reeling, and I was just getting to the answer when Sammy gave it to me. 'It makes a nice title, doesn't it?' he said. 'The Wooden Nightingale.'

I sat there with my mouth open. But I was given no time to reflect. The scene opposite claimed my attention once more; things over there were beginning to move fast.

'Better call the police, if you ask me,' said the char. 'Better to let the police deal with them kind, I always think.'

The house opposite stood on one side of a wide cobbled lane which gave on to Queen Anne Street. At the corner of this lane I now saw that a small crowd was collecting, attracted by the drama on the fire escape.

'Look at 'I'm looking down!' said the char. "E knows what's going on!'

'You go and dial nine nine nine,' said the woman in the hat to her husband.

Then the char, who had retired for a moment, reappeared armed with an extremely long cobweb brush. 'Shall I poke 'I'm with my brush and see what 'e does?' she asked; and she forthwith mounted the fire escape and brought the brush into play, delivering me a sharp jab on the ankle.

This was too much. In any case, I had heard enough. I now had all the materials needed for the solution of the problem, and I was in mortal terror that at any moment Sadie and Sammy would come out.

With leisurely grace, under the fascinated gaze of many eyes. I uncurled my legs, and crawled on my stomach down the first two or three steps. After that I stood up, and rubbed my limbs, which had become very stiff, and walked without haste down the fire escape.

'I told you he was mad!' said the woman in the pinafore. 'He's getting away! Do something!' said the woman in the hat. 'Oh, let him go, poor devil!' said the husband.

'Quick!' said the char. And they all hurried down the other fire escape to join the little crowd at the bottom.

When I reached the foot of the steps I took a quick look back to see if anyone had emerged from Sadie's flat. There was no one. My tormentors were standing all together in the laneway. We looked at each other in silence.

'Creep up on him slow like,' said the char.

'Look out, he may be dangerous,' said someone else.

They stood hesitating. I took a look behind me, the alley which led into Welbeck Street was clear. Uttering a piercing hiss I suddenly rushed forward towards them; and they scattered in terror, some retreating up the fire escape and some back down the lane. Then I doubled back into Welbeck Street and took to my heels.

Eleven

I made for the nearest quiet place I knew of, which happened to be the Wallace Collection, to sit down and put together the fragments of my answer. Sitting facing the cynical grin of Frans Hals's Cavalier, I laboured at it. My mind was still not working very fast. My translation of Breteuil's Rossignol de Bois, which I had left with Madge, had been purloined by Sammy. No, it hadn't, it had been presented to Sammy by Madge. Why? To be made a film out of. Who by? Some fellow called H. K. who knows no French. An American probably. What's in this for Sadie? Sammy sells this idea to this Yank, and sells him Sadie at the same time. What about Bounty Belfounder? Sadie walks out on them. Can they do anything about that? Apparently not, they haven't got Sadie tied up properly. What about me? If I won't play it doesn't matter tuppence once this H. K. has been sold the idea. Would Jean Pierre defend me? Of course not. He'll deal directly with where the dollars are. Anyhow, have I any rights? None. Then what am I complaining about? My typescript has been stolen. Stolen? Madge shows it to Sammy, who shows it to H. K. Stolen? What's Madge up to anyway? Madge is being double-crossed by Sammy, who ditches her for Sadie. Sammy uses Madge and Sadie uses Sammy to get her revenge on Hugo and make a fortune in dollars at the same time. I began to see the whole picture. What was so maddening was that The Wooden Nightingale would in fact make a marvellous film. It really had everything. Madge, in days when she imagined that it might somehow be possible to persuade me to make money, had gone on about it continually. Poor Madge! She had picked the winner, but Sadie and Sammy would hit the jackpot.