Cecelia Ahern - If You Could See Me Now

“No!” Elizabeth shouted in frustration.

“Well, where’s he from?” Joe asked, trying to calm her.

“I don’t know,” she said angrily.

“Well what’s his surname, then?” he asked.

Elizabeth swallowed hard. “I-I-I don’t know that either.”

“Sure, then how can I help you at all if you don’t know his surname or where he’s from? It doesn’t sound much like you know him either. As far as I remember, you were dancin’ around out there on your own like a madwoman, don’t know what got into you that day, at all.”

Elizabeth suddenly had an idea, grabbed her car keys from the counter, and ran out the door.

“But what about your hot drop?” he called, as she slammed the door behind her.

“Benjamin,” Elizabeth called out, banging her car door shut and running across the gravel to him. He was standing among a group of builders, crowding around and hunched over documents that were spread across a table. They all looked up at her.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” She was breathless and her hair danced around her face from the strength of the wind at the top of the hill.

“Sure,” he said, stepping away from the silent group and leading her to a quieter area. “Is everything OK?”

“Yes.” She nodded uncertainly. “I just want to ask you a question, is that OK?”

He braced himself.

“You’ve met my friend Ivan, right?” She cracked her knuckles and shuffled from foot to foot, in anticipation of his answer.

He adjusted his hard hat, studied her face, and waited for her to laugh or tell him she was joking, but no smile hid behind those dark and worried eyes. “Is this a joke?”

She shook her head and chewed nervously on the inside of her cheek, brow furrowed.

He cleared his throat. “Elizabeth, I don’t really know what you want me to say.”

“The truth,” she said quickly. “I want you to tell me the truth. Well, I want you to tell me you’ve seen him, but I want that to be the truth, you see.” She swallowed.

Benjamin studied her face some more and eventually shook his head slowly.

“No?” she asked quietly.

He shook his head again.

Her eyes filled and she looked away quickly.

“Are you OK?” He reached out to touch her arm, but she swayed her body away. “I assumed you were joking about him,” Benjamin said gently, slightly confused.

“You didn’t see him at the meeting with Vincent?”

He shook his head.

“At the barbecue last week?”

Another shake.

“Walking through the town with me? In the playroom that day when that, that . . . thing was written on the wall?” she asked hopefully, her voice full of emotion.

“No, I’m sorry,” Benjamin said kindly, trying to hide his confusion as best he could.

She looked away again, turned her back on him to face out toward the view. From this point, she could see the sea, the mountains, and the neat little village tucked away in the bosom of the valley.

Finally, she spoke. “He was so real, Benjamin.”

He didn’t know what to say, so he remained silent.

“You know when you can feel someone with you? And even though not everyone believes in that person, you know they’re there?”

Benjamin thought about it and nodded understandingly, even though she couldn’t see him. “My granddad died and we were close.” He kicked at the gravel self-consciously. “My family never agreed on much, they never believed much in anything, but I knew he was there with me at times. You knew Ivan well?”

“He knew me better.” She laughed lightly.

Benjamin heard her sniff and she wiped her eyes.

“So was he a real person? Did he pass away?” Benjamin asked, feeling confused.

“I just believed so much . . .” She trailed off. “He’s really helped me over the past few months.” She looked around at the view for another moment in silence. “I used to hate this town, Benjamin.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I used to hate every single blade of grass on every hill, but he taught me so much. He taught me that it’s not the job of this town to make me feel happy. It’s not Baile na gCroíthe’s fault that I don’t feel I fit in. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, because it’s about where you are up here.” She touched the side of her head lightly. “It’s about the other world I inhabit. The world of dreams, hope, imagination, and memories. I’m happy up here.” She tapped her temple again and smiled. “And because of that, I’m happy up here too.” She held out her arms and displayed the countryside around her. She closed her eyes and allowed the wind to dry her tears. Her face was softer when she turned to Benjamin. “I just thought it was important for you of all people to know that.” Quietly and slowly she headed back to her car.

Leaning against the old tower, Benjamin watched her walk away. He hadn’t known Elizabeth as well as he’d liked, but he had an idea she’d let him into her life more than she’d let others. Likewise, he had done the same. They’d had enough conversations for him to see how similar they really were. He’d seen her grow and change and now his unsettled friend had settled. He stared out to the view Elizabeth had been looking at for so long and for the first time in the year he’d been here, he opened his eyes and saw it.

...

In the early hours of the morning Elizabeth sat up in her bed, wide awake. She looked around the room at the time, three forty-five, and when she spoke aloud to herself, her voice was firm and confident.

“To hell with you all, I do believe.”

She threw off the covers and jumped out of bed, almost imagining the sound of Ivan howling with laughter in celebration.

Chapter Forty-Three

“Where’s Elizabeth?” Vincent Taylor hissed angrily at Benjamin, out of earshot of the crowd that had gathered for the opening of the new hotel.

“She’s still in the kids’ room.” Benjamin sighed, feeling the cement of the building wall of pressure from the last week finally dry and lay heavy on his aching shoulders.

“Still?” he shouted and a few people who had been paying attention to the speech being made at the front of the room turned around. The local politician from Baile na gCroíthe had come to officially open the hotel and a few speeches were being made around the original tower in the hotel grounds. Soon, the crowd would be trampling through the hotel, looking in each room to admire the work and the two men still didn’t know what Elizabeth was up to in the playroom. The last time either of them had seen it four days ago, it was still a blank canvas.

Elizabeth literally hadn’t come out of that room for the past few days. Benjamin had brought her some drinks and food from a vending machine and she had hastily grabbed it from him at the door and slammed it shut again. He had no idea what the interior was like and his life had been hellish all week trying to deal with a panicking Vincent. The novelty of Elizabeth speaking to an invisible person had long since worn off Vincent, he had never had rooms being worked on during the very moment the building was being opened, it was a ridiculous and extremely unprofessional situation.

The speeches finally finished, there was polite clapping, and the crowd began to file inside, where they began inspecting the new furniture, everyone inhaling the smell of fresh paint as they were led around.

Vincent swore loudly over and over again, receiving angry glances from parents as by room after room they got closer to viewing the playroom. Benjamin could barely take the suspense and paced the floor. He recognized Elizabeth’s father looking around in boredom while leaning on his blackthorn cane, and her nephew with his nanny among the crowd, and he hoped to god she wouldn’t let them all down. Judging by their last conversation on top of the hill, he believed she would come through for them. At least he hoped so; he was due to Fly back to his hometown in Colorado next week and he couldn’t take having to deal with any delays on site. For once, his personal life would come before his work.