Cecelia Ahern - If You Could See Me Now

She was greeted with silence.

“Actually, where is Sam, is he away?”

“We’re not friends anymore,” he said sadly.

“Why not?” she asked in surprise, sitting up and placing her coffee cup on the floor.

Luke shrugged.

“Did you have a fight?” Elizabeth asked gently.

Luke shook his head.

“Did he say something to make you sad?” she probed.

He shook his head again.

“Did you make him mad?”

Another shake of the head.

“Well, what happened?”

“Nothing,” Luke explained. “He just told me one day he didn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

“Well, that’s not very nice,” Elizabeth said gently. “Do you want me to talk to him for you, see what’s wrong?”

Luke shrugged. There was a silence between them as he continued staring at the screen, lost in thought.

“You know, I know what it’s like to miss a friend, Luke. You know my friend Ivan?”

“He was my friend too.”

“Yes.” She smiled. “Well, I miss him. I haven’t seen him all week either.”

“Yeah, he’s gone now. He told me so; he has to help someone else now.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened and anger welled inside her. He hadn’t even the decency to say good-bye to her. “When did he say good-bye to you? What did he say?” At the startled look on Luke’s face, she immediately stopped firing questions so aggressively. She needed to keep reminding herself that he was only six.

“He said good-bye to me the same day as he said good-bye to you.” His voice went up a pitch, as though she were crazy. His face crumpled up and he looked at her as though she had ten heads, and if she weren’t so confused she would have laughed at the sight of him.

But inside she wasn’t laughing. She paused and thought for a moment and then exploded. “What?! What are you talking about?”

“After the party in the garden, he came to the house and he told me that his job with us was finished, that he was going to be invisible again like he used to be but he would still be around and that meant that we were OK,” he spoke chirpily, turning his attention back to the television.

“Invisible.” Elizabeth said the word like it had a bad taste.

“Yep,” he chirped. “Well, people don’t call him imaginary for no reason, doh!” He hit himself on the head and fell over onto the floor.

“What is he putting into your head?” she grumbled angrily, wondering if she’d been wrong to introduce a person like Ivan into Luke’s life. “When is he coming back?”

Luke lowered the volume on the TV and turned to her with that crazy look on his face again. “He’s not. He told you that already.”

“He didn’t.” Her voice failed her.

“He did. I heard him talking in your room.”

Elizabeth cast her mind back to that night and to the dream she had, the dream she had been thinking about all week, the dream that had been bothering her, and suddenly realized with a sinking feeling in her heart that it hadn’t been a dream at all.

She had lost him. In her dreams and in real life, she had lost Ivan.

Chapter Forty-One

“Hello, Elizabeth.” Sam’s mother opened her front door wider and welcomed her in.

“Hi, Fiona,” Elizabeth said, stepping in. Fiona had been taking Elizabeth’s relationship with Ivan so well during the past few weeks; they hadn’t discussed it directly, but Fiona was being as polite as she always had. Elizabeth was thankful there was no awkwardness between them. Unfortunately, she was worried Sam hadn’t taken it as well. “I came around to have a chat with Sam if that’s OK, Luke is so upset without him.”

Fiona looked at her sadly. “I know, I’ve been trying to talk to him all week about it, maybe you can do a better job than me.”

“Has he told you what it’s about?”

Fiona tried to hide a smile and nodded.

“Is it about Ivan?” Elizabeth asked with worry. She had always worried that Sam would be jealous of the amount of time Ivan was spending with her and Luke, and so she had invited him over to the house and included him in Ivan’s activities, as much as possible.

“Yes,” Fiona answered with a broad smile. “Six-year-olds can be funny can’t they?” Elizabeth relaxed at finally learning Fiona hadn’t a problem with the time she and Luke had spent with Ivan, and was putting it down to Sam’s behavior.

“I’ll let him tell you in his own words,” she continued, leading Elizabeth through her home. She had to fight the urge to look around to see if Ivan was there. As much as she was here to help Luke she was also trying to help herself; finding and returning two best friends was better than one and she ached to be with Ivan so much.

Fiona pushed open the playroom door and Elizabeth entered. “Sam, honey, Luke’s mom is here to talk to you,” she said gently and for the first time, Elizabeth experienced a warm glow when she heard those words.

Sam paused the PlayStation and looked up at her with sad brown eyes. Fiona left them alone to talk.

“Hi, Sam,” she said gently. “Mind if I sit down?”

He shook his head and she balanced herself on the edge of the couch.

“Luke tells me you don’t want to be his friend anymore, is that right?”

Unashamedly, he nodded his head.

“Do you want to tell me why?”

He took a moment to ponder that and then nodded. “I don’t like to play the same games as him.”

“Did you tell him this?”

He nodded.

“And what did he say?”

Sam looked confused and shrugged his shoulders. “He is weird.”

A lump formed in Elizabeth’s throat and she was immediately defensive. “What do you mean, weird?”

“At first it was funny but then it just got boring and I didn’t want to play anymore, but Luke wouldn’t stop.”

“What game is that?”

“The games with his invisible friend .” He put on a bored voice and made a face.

Elizabeth’s hands grew clammy. “But his invisible friend was only around for a few days and that was months ago, Sam.” Sam gave her a funny look. “But you played with him too.” Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “Excuse me?” “Ivan what’s his face,” he grumbled. “Boring old Ivan who just wants

to spin on chairs all day, or have mud fights or play chasing. Every single day it was Ivan, Ivan, Ivan and”—his already squeaky voice raised a pitch— “I couldn’t even see him!”

“What?” Elizabeth was confused. “You couldn’t see him? What do you mean?”

Sam thought hard about how he could explain that. “I mean, I couldn’t see him,” he said, simply shrugging his shoulders.

“But you played with him all the time.” She ran her clammy fingers through her hair.

“Yeah, because Luke was, but I got sick of pretending and Luke wouldn’t stop, he kept saying he was real .” He rolled his eyes.

Elizabeth placed her fingers on the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know what you mean, Sam. Ivan is your mum’s friend, is he not?”

Sam’s eyes widened, he had a startled expression. “Eh, nope.”

“No?”

“No,” he confirmed.

“But Ivan minded you and Luke, he collected you and brought you home,” Elizabeth stammered.

Sam looked worried. “I’m allowed to walk home by myself, Ms. Egan. I only live two doors away.”

“But the eh, the em . . .” Elizabeth suddenly snapped to attention, remembering something; she clicked her fingers, making Sam jump. “The water fight, what about the water fight in the back garden, it was you, me, Luke, and Ivan, remember that?” she probed. “Remember, Sam?”

His face paled, he nodded slowly, and he said, “There was only three of us.”