Cecelia Ahern - The Time of My Life

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

‘Don, I’m so sorry,’ I said straight away, ignoring my life for now. ‘It was a stupid stupid idea of mine.’ I was still shaken up. ‘I have no idea why I thought that would work.’

‘Relax,’ he said and I felt his hand on my back, rubbing me comfortingly. ‘Right after this you’re coming to my parents’ for dinner to pretend to be the long-term currently pregnant girlfriend that I’ve been pretending to have.’ I looked at him with fear. ‘Just joking,’ he smiled. ‘Though that would make their lives.’

The door to the Oak Room opened and all our heads turned. Mum appeared, her hand still on her chest as if that motion alone would bring her breath back, as if it was keeping all her emotions in check, caging her heart in so that it wouldn’t move, wouldn’t feel, would only pump to keep her alive and expressionless, and emotionless, and appropriate. ‘Lucy, sweetheart,’ she said, then took in the two men standing before her and after all her practising she said to Life, ‘Oh, hello. You must be the cleaner.’ The irony.

‘Actually, I’m the cleaner,’ Don said, remembering then to take off Riley’s jacket which was covering the magic carpet emblem on his T-shirt. ‘He’s Lucy’s life.’

‘Oh,’ she said taking him in, hand still on her chest. She didn’t seem embarrassed for mistaking Life for the carpet cleaner but she must have been.

‘Mum, this is Don,’ I said. ‘Don is a friend. He’s a kind friend who decided to step in at the last minute because our guest couldn’t make it and I didn’t want to let you all down. I’m sorry, Mum, I didn’t want to tell you that he couldn’t make it today, I could sense that you were excited.’

‘I’m sorry about that in there,’ Don said, humble and contrite.

‘It was my idea, I’m sorry,’ I apologised, still feeling shaky, feeling a little bit faint, wanting to just get out of there but not knowing how.

‘We should get you some tea,’ Edith said, suddenly at my side, which meant she’d been standing listening.

‘Yes, that’s a good idea.’ Mum finally spoke and I wasn’t sure if she needed it more for her or for me. ‘I’m Sheila, Lucy’s mum,’ she said, holding her hand out to my life. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you. And Don,’ she smiled warmly, ‘it’s been lovely to have you in our home. I’m sorry the welcome was not warmer as it should have been, but you are still cordially invited to the wedding renewal ceremony.’

It was unbearable having to listen to the polite chit-chat that was now taking place. Edith was shaking hands with Life and Don and offering them tea and discussing biscuit types and from the way that Mum was talking I knew that she was trying to figure out if it was appropriate for Don actually to clean her carpet or if she should let him go. Then Life and Mum were talking about flowers for the ceremony and Don was looking at me. I knew this not because I was looking at him but because I could sense it from the corner of my eye. And all the while these conversations were going on I could hear my father’s words, loud and succinct in my head.

Life came closer to me. ‘You told a really big lie.’

‘I’m not in the mood,’ I said quietly. ‘And anything you can say can’t make this moment any worse.’

‘I’m not trying to make it worse. I’m trying to make it better.’ Life cleared his throat and sensing something important Mum ended her conversation with Don and Edith.

‘Lucy feels that she’s never good enough for any of you.’

There was an uncomfortable silence and I felt my face flush but I knew I deserved it. A big lie deserved a big truth. ‘I have to go.’

‘Oh, Lucy.’ Mum looked at me, devastated, but then something snapped in her; the Silchester switch was flicked and she gave me a bright smile. ‘I’ll see you to the door.’

‘You didn’t deserve that,’ Life said from the passenger seat as we drove through the Wicklow mountains and back towards the motorway.

It was the first thing he’d said in the fifteen minutes we’d been in the car, in fact it was the first thing either of us had said since we’d got in the car. He hadn’t even tried to turn on the radio, which I appreciated because there was already enough noise in my head. It was mostly the sound of my father’s voice, his words being repeated over and over again and I was very sure there was no way that he and I could ever come back from that. He had said all that he said without difficulty, without emotion; sure, there was anger but it wasn’t driven by anything like hurt that would lead him to say things he didn’t mean. He meant every word of it and I bet he would back it up until the day he died. There was no going back. I hadn’t wanted Life to travel with me but he had insisted and I had wanted to get of there so urgently, I didn’t care if a Bengal tiger was in the back seat.

‘I got what I deserved, I told a lie.’

‘You deserved that alright, I mean, you didn’t deserve what your father said.’

I didn’t respond.

‘Where are you going?’

‘I’m not in the mood for deep psychological conversation, please.’

‘How about geographical then? You missed the turn for the motorway.’

‘Oh.’

‘I assume we’re going to Wexford now?’

‘No, we’re going home.’

‘What happened to finding the love of your life?’

‘Reality happened.’

‘Meaning …’

‘He’s moved on and I need to too.’

‘So are you going to call Don?’

‘No.’

‘Oh, so now you’re not good enough for anybody.’

I didn’t answer but I was shouting yes in my head.

‘What your dad said isn’t true, you know.’

I didn’t say anything.

‘Okay so I may have lost my temper with you earlier and I also may have said some unfair things.’

I looked at him.

‘Okay, I definitely did say some unfair things but I meant them.’

‘What kind of an apology is this?’

‘It’s not one. I’m just saying you shouldn’t have left your job before you had secured another one but that’s all, anything else your father had to say was untrue.’

‘I can’t pay my rent. I don’t even know if I have enough money to get us to Wexford in this heap of crap even if I did want to go. I haven’t got enough money to pay Don, which I most certainly am going to do. I should have stayed in the job for financial stability. I should have been looking for other work while in that job. That’s what I should have done. That would have been the responsible thing to do.’

He was silent which meant he agreed. I hadn’t been paying attention to the road, I took a wrong turn and found myself on a road I didn’t recognise. I did a U-turn and took the next right. Again it was unfamiliar territory. I turned in someone’s driveway, went back to the road. Looked left and right. I rested my head on the steering wheel.

‘I’m lost.’

I felt Life’s hand on my head. ‘Don’t worry, Lucy, you’ll find the right path, I’m here to help you.’

‘Well, have you got a map? Because I mean, geographically, I’m lost.’

He quickly removed his hand from my head and looked left and right. ‘Oh.’ Then he glanced at me. ‘You look tired.’

‘I am. I didn’t get much sleep last night.’

‘Too much information. Let me drive.’

‘No.’

‘Let me drive. You can lie down in the back seat and I’ll drive us home.’

‘I can’t stretch my arm in the back seat, never mind lie down.’

‘You know what I mean, have a rest. Switch off your mind for a while.’

‘Can you drive?’

He reached into his inside pocket and retrieved more paperwork. He offered it to me. I didn’t take it; I was too tired to read.