Cecelia Ahern - The Time of My Life

‘Where do you work instead?’ Riley asked, waiting for the good news.

‘Eh … Nowhere yet.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that but they’ve been haemorrhaging money for years, more job cuts were always on the cards.’

I was grateful to Philip for saying this.

‘Did they offer you a redundancy package?’ Riley asked, concerned.

‘Actually, no, because I left. It was my decision.’

My father slammed his fist down on the table. Everyone jumped, the cutlery and condiment bowls all rattled on the white linen.

‘It’s okay sweetheart,’ Philip said to Jemima, who was wide-eyed and looking at her father in terror – at least I guessed it was terror because her face wasn’t moving much apart from her eyes. I put my arm around her protectively.

‘Is this your doing?’ Father demanded of Don.

‘Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this now,’ I said gently to my father, hoping he’d pick up on my tone.

‘I think this is the perfect time to talk about it,’ he boomed.

‘Jemima, come with me,’ Philip said and he brought her out of the room, to my grandmother’s tutting. When the door opened I saw Edith letting Life into the house. Life looked in and saw me, just as the door was closing.

‘Well, answer me,’ Father said patronisingly to Don.

‘We’re not in the courthouse now,’ I said, under my breath.

‘Don’t you dare speak to me like that in my house.’

I ignored him, I kept eating my soup but everybody was silent and nobody moved an inch. Father rarely lost his temper, he was rarely tipped over the edge but when he was, it was mighty. He had been tipped over the edge now, and I could hear it in his voice; the anger was building too and though I tried to keep calm, I couldn’t help but feel my nerves grow.

‘He had nothing to do with it,’ I said quietly.

‘And why not? Shouldn’t he be responsible for your decisions?’

‘No, because he’s not actually my—’

‘No, that’s okay Lucy,’ Don interrupted. I don’t know if it was because he was afraid or if it was because he wasn’t but when I looked at him I saw no fear at all, just annoyance and the desire to protect.

‘What exactly is your role here?’ my father asked.

‘My role,’ Don looked at me, ‘is to make her happy.’

‘Nonsense.’

‘And when she’s happy she’ll find the right path,’ Don said. ‘I wouldn’t worry about Lucy.’

‘I’ve never heard such absolute nonsense. This is drivel. If, in fact, you are to help her on her right path, aren’t you failing?’

‘And how well do you assess your abilities in your role as her father?’ he said, anger in his voice. He was protecting me but he didn’t know what he was up against. He’d barely met me but I felt he knew me better than anyone at this table. My eyes widened. I can’t believe he said that. I couldn’t look at anybody, I didn’t know what anybody was thinking.

‘How dare you speak to me like that,’ Father shouted and stood up. He was a tall man, and he seemed to be a giant beside us all at the table now that he was standing.

‘Samuel,’ Mum said quietly.

‘Lucy left her job because she wasn’t happy,’ Don continued. ‘I don’t see any harm in that.’

‘Lucy is never happy with work. Lucy is lazy. Lucy will never find anything to which she will feel the need to apply herself. She has never applied herself. She has walked away from everything which, and everyone who, has ever been of any use in her life. She wasted the good education we provided for her, she is living like a pig in a home the size of this room, she is a disappointment and a disgrace to the family name – as, clearly, seeing as you are her life, are you.’

Silchesters don’t cry. Silchesters don’t cry. Silchesters don’t cry. It was a mantra I had to repeat in my mind after each nasty word was spoken but I knew my paranoia was right, it was everything that I thought he felt about me and now he was saying it. To me and to the person he thought was my life but was actually a man that I had feelings for. It was beyond humiliating, it was beyond hurtful, it was the worst thing I think I had ever heard or endured. Worse than Blake leaving me, worse than losing every job I’d ever worked at.

‘I am tired of her behaviour, her constant failure to apply herself. We come from a long line of successes. Here in this very room Philip and Riley have shown themselves to be competent men and hard workers, whereas Lucy here has failed, time and time again, to reach the heights that we have given everything within our abilities for her to reach. Sheila, I have stood back and let the course which you have so believed to be right be carried out, but it is clear to see that when left to her own devices Lucy cannot find direction, so it is left to me to find it for her.’

‘Lucy isn’t a child,’ Don said. ‘She’s a grown woman. I think she’s well able to make her own decisions.’

‘And you, sir,’ my father raised his voice even more, so that I was sure it must be echoing through the valley, ‘are no longer welcome in my home.’

Silence. I could barely breathe.

His chair scraped across the wood as he pushed it back from the table. ‘It was lovely to meet you,’ he said gently. ‘Thank you for your hospitality. Lucy?’

He was asking me to leave with him and I wanted nothing more than to get out of the room but I couldn’t look up. I just couldn’t face anything or anyone. If I stayed still, maybe they’d forget I was there. I felt hot tears about to fall and I couldn’t do it, not in front of him, not in front of anybody, not ever, ever, ever.

‘I’ll show you out,’ my mother said, her voice a whisper. Her chair didn’t scrape on the wood, she lifted it just the appropriate amount in order to prevent that and she quietly left the room. When the door opened I saw Life in the hallway, ashen faced. I had let him down too.

‘Lucy, in my office now, we need to make a plan for you.’

I couldn’t look at anybody.

‘Your father is talking to you,’ my grandmother said.

‘Father, I think you should allow Lucy to finish her dinner and you can discuss it after,’ Riley said firmly.

Allow Lucy. Allow me .

‘Edith can warm it, this is of importance.’

‘Actually, I’m not hungry,’ I said quietly, still looking down at my plate.

‘You’re not a disappointment, Lucy,’ Riley said gently. ‘Father is worried about you, that’s all.’

‘I meant what I said,’ Father said, but he was sitting down now and his voice was no longer booming.

‘None of us think you are a disgrace. Lucy, look at me,’ Riley said again.

I couldn’t. Mum returned to the room but she didn’t sit down; she stayed at the door testing the environment, sticking her toe in to feel the temperature before diving in again.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said, my voice trembling, ‘if I have been such a disappointment to you. Edith, thank you for dinner, sorry I can’t stay.’ I stood up.

‘Sit down,’ my father hissed. It was sharp, like a whip. ‘Sit down at once.’

I paused, then continued to make my way to the door. I couldn’t look at Mum as I passed her by and gently closed the door behind me.

Life and Don stood beside one another in the hallway staring at me.

‘Sorry I’m late,’ Life said. ‘The taxi got lost. Did I miss anything?’

‘Should I tell him where the Persian rug is?’ Don asked.

They both had wicked glints in their eyes but gentleness in their tone. They were trying to cheer me up. They at least made me smile.