Cecelia Ahern - The Time of My Life

‘Jemima,’ Mum said, rushing towards her for a hug. ‘What a lovely surprise.’

‘Mum couldn’t come today so Daddy told me I could visit,’ she said in her soft voice.

Riley cupped his breasts and I tried not to laugh. Philip’s wife Majella had transformed herself over the past ten years so much that there wasn’t a part of her skin that could move voluntarily. Philip was a plastic surgeon and though he claimed it was only ever reconstructive surgery, Riley and I did wonder if it had become cosmetic ‘on the side’ for his wife, something my father would be appalled at. I always felt that as a result of Majella’s surgery, her daughter Jemima, following her lead, was completely without expression. When she was happy, she appeared serene; when she was angry, she was serene. She didn’t frown, didn’t smile too largely, her forehead rarely crumpled, just like her Botoxed mother. Jemima high-fived Riley on the way around the table to me. My grandmother tutted.

‘Hello, Puddle Duck,’ I said, giving her a big hug.

‘Can I sit beside you?’ she asked.

I glanced at my mother who looked confused and started to pick up place names and think aloud in that way that mothers do. Finally she said yes and Jemima sat beside me and Mum returned to adjusting the knives and forks, which were already perfectly laid out. She seemed distracted. Silchesters weren’t distracted.

‘Did the carpet company say who they would be sending out?’

‘I spoke to a man named Roger. He said he didn’t work late in the evenings but his son would come around.’

My heart lifted, then sank, then lifted, bobbing up and down as though it were a buoy in the high seas. Oddly I felt excited to see him, but didn’t want it to be here.

Mum continued to move perfectly placed knives and forks around the table. ‘How are the wedding plans going, Mum?’ Philip asked.

When Mum looked up she had a slightly pained expression but it vanished so quickly I had to question whether it had been there at all.

‘Everything is going very well, thank you. I ordered both your and Riley’s suits. They are sublime. And Lucy, I received your dress measurements from Edith, thank you. I chose a wonderful fabric and I really didn’t want to order it without showing you first.’

I hadn’t sent my dress measurements, that must have been Life, which annoyed me – and it made sense as to why I’d woken up with a measuring tape wrapped around my chest – but I was relieved I could give approval before it was ordered. ‘Thank you.’

‘But the dressmaker told me if I didn’t order it by Monday it wouldn’t be ready on time so I had to tell them to go ahead.’ She looked a little worried. ‘Is that okay? I did call and call but you were busy, probably with … what do we call him, dear?’

‘You don’t have to call him anything,’ I said dismissively, then, gritting my teeth, ‘I’m sure the dress will be lovely.’

Riley chuckled.

‘It will stain,’ my grandmother said, coming alive. ‘Mark my words, that fabric will stain.’ She turned to me, ‘Lucy, we can’t be seated with a guest without knowing his name.’

‘You can call him Cosmo.’

‘What can I call him?’ Riley asked.

Jemima laughed without moving her forehead. An astonishing feat of nature, as she hadn’t a drop of rat poison under her skin.

‘What kind of a name is that?’ my grandmother asked, disgusted.

‘It’s a first name. Cosmo Brown is his full name.’

‘Oh, that’s the man from the film …’ Mum started clicking her fingers as she tried to remember. My grandmother looked at her with further disgust. ‘Donald O’Connor played him in …’ She clicked, clicked, clicked. ‘ Singin’ in the Rain !’ she finally said and laughed. Then, full of concern again, ‘He doesn’t have a nut allergy, does he?’

‘Donald O’Connor?’ I asked. ‘I don’t know, I think he passed away some years ago.’

‘From nuts?’ Riley asked.

‘I think it was congestive heart failure,’ Philip said.

‘No, I mean your friend, Cosmo,’ Mum said.

‘Oh no, he’s alive.’

Riley and Philip laughed.

‘I wouldn’t worry about him,’ I said. ‘Isn’t it just nice that we’re all gathered here together, regardless of whether he’s here or not.’

Riley caught the tone and leaned forward to catch my eye. I wouldn’t do it.

On that note Edith rushed into the dining room, her cheeks flushed. ‘Lucy,’ she said gently. ‘I wonder when your friend will arrive. It’s just that the lamb is now ready as Mr Silchester likes it and he has an important phone call at eight p.m.’ I looked at the clock. Life was ten minutes late and father had only allocated thirty minutes for dinner in his schedule.

‘Tell Mr Silchester that he can delay his phone call,’ Mum said sharply which surprised us all, ‘and he can eat his meat a little more well done than usual.’

We were all silent, including my grandmother, which was unheard of.

‘Some things are more important,’ Mum said, straightening her back and the silverware again.

‘Maybe Father can join us now and my friend can catch up with us later. There’s no point in waiting if he’s going to be much later,’ I said to Edith, giving her my emergency-eyes look, which I hoped she would interpret as He’s not coming, heeeelp!

On that note the intercom at the gate buzzed.

‘That’s him,’ Mum said with excitement.

I looked out the window and saw Don’s bright yellow van with the slowly turning flaming red magic carpet that looked like it was on a spit at the gate. I jumped up and pulled the curtains to the three grand windows closed dramatically. ‘I’ll greet him. You all stay here.’

Riley studied me.

‘I want it to be a complete surprise,’ I said, then I ran from the room and closed the door. I was pacing in the entrance hall when Edith came out of the kitchen to join me.

‘What are you up to?’

‘Nothing,’ I said, biting my nails.

‘Lucy Silchester, I have known you all of your life and I know you’re up to no good. I have one minute to fetch your father so I need to know if I should be prepared.’

‘Fine,’ I hissed. ‘My life and I had a fight and he’s not coming today.’

‘Merciful hour.’ Edith held her hands to her head. ‘Why don’t you just tell them?’

‘Why do you think?’ I hissed.

‘So who’s this here?’ We heard the car stop in the drive, the engine cut out.

‘The carpet man,’ I hissed.

‘And why is that bad?’

‘Because I slept with him last night.’

Edith groaned.

‘But I’m in love with someone else.’

She moaned.

‘I think.’

She whined.

‘Oh, God, what am I going to do? Think, think, think, Lucy.’

Then I instantly had a plan. She must have seen it in my face.

‘Lucy,’ she said in a warning tone.

‘Don’t worry.’ I grabbed her hands and held on to them tight. I looked her dead in the eyes. ‘You don’t know anything, nobody told you anything, you are not responsible, it has nothing to do with you, it is all my decision.’

‘How many times in my life have I heard those words?’

‘And isn’t it always okay?’

Edith’s eyes widened. ‘Lucy Silchester, of all the things you have ever done, this is the worst.’

‘They’ll never know. I promise,’ I said in an attempt to calm her.

She whimpered and shuffled off to get my father.

I stepped outside and pulled the front door closed behind me. Don was getting out of his car and he looked up at me in surprise.

‘Hi, welcome to my country retreat,’ I said.

He smiled, but not as widely as he used to. He came up the steps towards me, and suddenly I had an overwhelming desire to kiss him again. I didn’t know what to say but from inside the house I could hear my father’s study door open and his footsteps across the hallway.