Kwan Kevin - Sex and Vanity

“She is?”

“Yes! I just saw her in the lobby with her agent.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that. She’ll never get past the board, especially in one of her crazy caftans. Doesn’t that Ferrer lady on the third floor rule this building like Catherine the Great?”

“Mrs. Zao was stripped bare of makeup and dressed like a Scandinavian royal when I saw her in the lobby. And Ms. Ferrer is a huge fan of her father’s work. Apparently he’s some famous classical poet.”

“Why on earth is she choosing to move into this building? I would have thought she would want to buy in one of those ghastly glass skyscrapers along Fifty-Seventh, where all the other international gazillionaires live,” Charlotte wondered.

“Charlotte, get a clue! Now that I’ve broken things off with Cecil, she’s trying to force George on me, and she obviously thinks her moving into this building is going to help! From the very beginning in Capri, she’s been trying to get us together.”

Charlotte almost cracked a smile. “Well, my dear, she can’t force you to do anything. We all know that. But you know, I’ve come to see that she’s really not that bad. She’s awfully generous with your mother and me. She treated us to that lovely Korean spa night.”

“I didn’t realize you were that easy to buy off.”

“That’s not it. She’s actually quite amusing. She was telling us the most hilarious stories about her dating days in Hong Kong. She certainly is an authentic soul, that’s for sure.”

Lucie stood by her window, staring out onto Central Park pensively. “Why does everyone seem to think that I’ve broken up with Cecil because of George? First Auden Beebe accosts me in the park about it, and then Mrs. Zao actually has the audacity to try to invade my home! God knows what everyone will think when the news truly gets out that I’ve broken things off with Cecil, if it hasn’t already—Freddie’s been gossiping up and down Madison Avenue. I’m sure even the three guys at 3 Guys Restaurant know by now.”fn2

“Lucie, don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?”

“Absolutely not! You know what? I think I should go away. The Ortiz sisters are going to Mongolia to visit the reindeer people on horseback, and then they’re going to drive the Silk Road all the way from China to Italy, tracing the route of Marco Polo. I’m sure they’d love another driver. I can even call it a work trip. I mean, you never know what emerging artists I might discover along the way.”

“I really don’t think escaping to Mongolia is going to solve anything,” Charlotte gently suggested, worried by how worked up Lucie seemed to be getting.

Lucie paced her room. “Actually, it’s going to solve everything. Don’t you see I must go away for a long while until this all blows over?”

“I don’t understand. Why is this such a secret? Why are you acting like it’s the nineteenth century and you’re some cad who’s going to ruin a girl’s life by breaking off your engagement? You dumped Cecil. And I’m sure there’s going to be a thousand girls swarming around trying to land him the minute the news gets out.”

“I don’t want to give George or his mother any ideas. And I certainly don’t want our family to ever think that I’m interested in George Zao!”

“But what would it matter if you did?”

Lucie stared at her incredulously. “I can’t believe I need to spell things out for you. Don’t you see? It was already bad enough when I was engaged to Cecil. Can you imagine what would happen if I brought someone like George home? I can already hear the snide comments coming out of Teddy’s and Cacky’s mouths.”

“Oh my goodness, who cares about them?”

“Charlotte, you of all people were against my fraternizing with George when we first met him in Capri, or don’t you remember?”

Charlotte paused for a moment, trying to find the most delicate way to answer Lucie without spooking her. “You know, Capri seems like another lifetime. I hope you realize I have nothing against George. I mean, when you were nineteen and there was a risk of a drone sex video going viral, I had my concerns, but nothing about George concerns me anymore.”

“But you tried to shame me! You said I couldn’t help being attracted to him because of my recessive genes!”

Charlotte looked horrified. “Did I really say that? Oh dear, it was so long ago …”

“Are you really changing your tune now? All my life, all you Barclays and Churchills have made me feel like I wasn’t really part of the family, like I was some little troll in the attic.”

“What are you talking about? We’ve done no such thing!”

“Why is it that every time you introduce me to someone new, you have to explain to them exactly how we’re related? Our racist grandmother does the exact same thing, as if no one would ever believe from looking at my face that I was really a Churchill, a bona fide Mayflower Knickerbocker Social Register Churchill!”

“Lucie, our grandmother is many things, but the one thing she is not is racist. She is an insufferable snob and a creature of her background, and she has many limitations that I myself have been victim to.”

Lucie shook her head vehemently. “I’m sorry, but Granny is a racist.”

“But Granny loves you!” Charlotte insisted.

“Don’t you see it’s possible to love someone without realizing you’re being racist toward them? How can you not see it? Especially after the way Granny treated you over your Jewish boyfriend?”

Charlotte sank onto Lucie’s bed, visibly conflicted. Within her cocoon of privilege, it never even occurred to her to equate her own tribulations with those of her cousin’s. “You know, Lucie, shortly after your father passed, Granny called a few of us together for a special lunch. We were all quite aware there would be snotty, close-minded people out there, particularly among our crowd, and your father was no longer here to guide you through this maze. Granny wanted to rally the family and circle the wagons, as it was our duty now to protect you and your brother, and that’s all we’ve ever tried to do.”

“But protecting me is precisely what’s made me feel like a total freak my whole life!” Lucie cried.

Charlotte sighed deeply. “That’s the last thing any of us ever wanted to happen. I don’t know how you could ever think of yourself as a freak. I mean, jeez, what I would do for your skin! I’m only forty-two, but I’m already beginning to resemble an alligator Birkin.”

“Charlotte, you’re forty-nine.”

“Oh, hush! The point is, if you ever felt I was being insensitive, I am truly sorry. You know I have always adored you. You know you’ve always been my favorite cousin. I mean, hell would freeze over before I would travel anywhere with Cacky!”

“Help me then, if I’m really your favorite. I’m going to call the Ortiz sisters right now about Mongolia, and I expect your full support if Mom makes a fuss about it. Now, I just need to deal with Freddie, before he hits the R&Tfn3 this afternoon,” Lucie said.

She walked down the hallway toward Freddie’s bedroom, passing her mother’s study along the way. Peeking in, she noticed a white envelope sitting in the wire tray by the door that her obsessively organized mother always used for outgoing mail. It was marked To the Co-op Board in her mother’s handwriting on the front. Curious, she carefully opened the half-sealed envelope and confirmed her suspicion. It was a letter of recommendation for Rosemary Zao that her mother had written to the board of their building, a particularly glowing letter that Lucie knew would go a very long way with the board.

No, no, no, she simply couldn’t bear the thought of Rosemary living in the building, just floors away from her, and having to run into her and George all the time in the elevator. She didn’t want Rosemary invading for more Chinese meals with her suddenly woke mother. As if she was seized by some mania, Lucie sat down at her mother’s desk, opened her laptop, and began frantically composing a new letter, her heart pounding in tandem with the words she was pounding on the keyboard. When she was finished, she printed the new version on her mother’s letterhead, forged her signature quickly, and placed the resealed envelope back in her mom’s outgoing tray.