Maki Kashimada: Touring the Land of the Dead: Two Novellas

“Obviously,” I answered.

“We’re probably the only people who would watch that movie together, as a family, don’t you think?” Moeko asked as she cut a piece from her omelet.

“That’s right, you’re pretty weird, Mom,” Meiko said.

“Do you think so?” Mom asked.

We were all getting pretty excited by our dirty conversation. I felt vaguely relieved that no one had mentioned S. The dirtier the conversation, the more excited us women would all get. Which is why the next time we come here, the four of us will no doubt shower Mom with yet more Denki Bran.

I was watching TV with Moeko, idling away some free time, when we decided to go to the local bathhouse. We messed around like a couple of puppies as we changed out of our clothes, playing with each other’s breasts. Out of all my sisters, I like Moeko’s breasts the most. Meiko is too skinny, and her breasts are meager and swarthy. Yōko’s are plump and nicely pale, but their areolas are too big. Moeko, though, is slim and fair-skinned, and her breasts are close to perfect circles, like steamed meat buns.

Moeko had stripped stark naked, standing there unabashed without even covering herself with a towel.

“Nakedness is nothing to be ashamed of,” Moeko said to me. “I mean, we’ve been coming to this bathhouse ever since we were kids, you know? We’ve all already seen everything there is to see.”

When I thought about it, I couldn’t help but agree. The counter had been occupied by a woman whom we had nicknamed Mitchan for as long as any of us could remember. She knew. Even when our bodies started changing during puberty. I can remember it so clearly. That day, my nipples had gone really hard—they had hurt so much, like someone had gone and hit them with a hammer. “It means your breasts are going to get bigger from now on,” Moeko said to me. “When your nipples go hard like that, it means that your breasts are starting to swell.”

“I know,” I answered.

“You might end up big-chested before long, like Yōko,” Moeko said, laughing.

I was overjoyed when she said that to me. I was so happy that I had brought it up with her. I wonder why I chose her to confide in, not Meiko, not Yōko, not Mom? The more I thought back on it, the more mysterious it now seemed.

That was what was going through my head, when all of a sudden Moeko called out to a young boy who had come wandering into the women’s dressing room. On instinct, I covered myself with my towel. He looked like he was about ten years old and had come into the dressing room with his mother. I had instantly assumed that he had snuck inside hoping to catch a glimpse of our naked bodies, that he was old enough to be thinking about the opposite sex. And then, to my surprise, Moeko walked right up to him, without even trying to cover herself in the slightest.

“Hey. You didn’t want to go into the men’s bath alone, did you?” she asked confidently.

The boy didn’t respond. He looked instead as if he were completely overwhelmed by Moeko’s presence.

“Can’t you talk?” she laughed.

The boy remained silent, averting his gaze.

“What a dull child,” she said, laughing again.

How wonderful it would be if all women could be like Moeko! I wish that I could be like her. This sister of mine, who even as a kid had never seen anything wrong with people from around the neighborhood looking at her body. This sister of mine, who was so proud of her physical beauty, without ever letting herself feel even the slightest hint of shame. Me though, I can’t stand this bathhouse. No sooner would I take off my clothes than my piano teacher might walk in, or a distant relative. Everyone can see me naked here, everyone can monitor my growth. And not just my body. Because when they see me, they always ask about my plans for the future. Moeko though, she’s unmoved, no matter what people ask her. She might not have graduated from a prestigious university or anything, she might have already passed the usual age of marriage, but still she doesn’t shy away, or try to hide anything, no matter whom she happens to bump into.

When my breasts started to swell, I felt like I was filled with sin. But Moeko wiped that stain away for me. Just because your breasts have started getting bigger doesn’t mean you’ve become a woman. Those were the words that she used to wipe away my feelings of self-disgust. Maybe Moeko’s different. Maybe she’s never felt this way about womanhood. She’s probably the only person in this whole neighborhood who can act so freely. Even though everyone here is watching on with abject curiosity, all wondering to themselves when this girl or that girl, girls who aren’t their own daughters or family, will grow into women.

Moeko soon lost interest in the boy, and we went into the bath.

“Your nipples are such a beautiful color, you know,” I said.

“People who have dark nipples, it’s because they touch them too much, don’t you think? It’s all that heat from the friction,” Moeko said.

I broke out into laughter. What she was saying was just so strange.

“Maybe it’s a man who’s been touching them,” I joked.

One afternoon, Meiko came home in a really good mood, carrying a freshly cooked taiyaki . She set the fish-shaped cake down on the table oh-so-carefully, humming to herself as she went to boil some water.

“I’m making tea. Do you want some?” she asked.

“Yes,” I answered. “Where did you get that?”

“I was walking by that place, you know, Kasenke, the one that makes the golden taiyaki ? S was there. He gave it to me.”

“Oh?” I murmured curtly.

I often went to Kasenke with Meiko, just the two of us. Out of all us sisters, Meiko is the biggest sweet-tooth. She would often buy things for me when I was a kid. She must have thought, since she liked sweet things, that everyone else must too. I wasn’t particularly fond of taiyaki , but I was so happy whenever she would buy me one.

“Oh, I picked up this map outside the shop,” Meiko said, unfolding it and passing to me. It was a literature-themed map of the Shitamachi, pointing out where this or that famous author used to live around Bunkyō Ward.

Did S take one of those maps too? That’s what I wanted to ask, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He had almost certainly taken one. After all, he had only just moved here, so of course he would want a map of the neighborhood.

My sister, my beloved Meiko. Were all her memories of going to buy taiyaki with me being painted over by this new one, of this one time that she had been given one from S? Was he in love with her? Was that why he had given it to her? I don’t know. I just wish that he would stop, that he would stop acting like he’s hinting at something else. I mean, he might have just been seeing the sights. He might have just been in a good mood, having stumbled upon a local taiyaki store. But my sister, my dear sister—she’s in love with him, and now that he has gone and done this, she’s probably going to end up thinking that he’s in love with her too.

Strange visions kept racing through my mind. Of my sister, her body stuck to mine. We were being pulled apart. Why did he have to be so nice to her? It isn’t like he’s in love with her or anything. I’m the one who has always been in love with her. So why does he have to go and do that, like he’s trying to hint at something more?

Meiko, I thought we had agreed, as a family, that none of us would ever fall in love? After Dad left, Mom and us four sisters—we had all been doing so well as a family of women. Isn’t that the future that we were all looking forward to? Didn’t we promise each other that we would all go to the same neighborhood old people’s home?