Kyung-ran Jo - Tongue

Do you still like my kitchen?

I used to cook and read and drink tea and sit here and gaze out the window. And down a glass of cognac under candlelight with him and play with Paulie and listen to music. That feels like it was a really long time ago. It’s only been seven months. A lot of things happened to us. What do you think? You agree with me, right? But I didn’t know I would consider leaving. It’s true that you can’t always live the way you want to. But I guess that’s not the case for you, Se-yeon .

I’m going to cook in this kitchen just two more times. Once for him. And once for you. Tell me what you like. I’ll make it for you. Do you want to eat something in particular? Why are you sweating so much? Do you want some water? If you promise you won’t yell, I’ll take the towel out of your mouth .

The water’s refreshing, isn’t it? Okay, Se-yeon. If you agree with what I’m saying, just nod like that. I’m going to gag you again. Oh, don’t say anything. Don’t say you don’t want to. Don’t ask me to do things that I can’t do for you. I’ll let you drink as much water as you want. Are the knots too tight? But I can’t untie your hands. I don’t want you to get hurt. Let’s just sit here together for a bit. And listen to what I have to say. I have a lot to say to you. I’m going to leave soon so I want to say everything I didn’t say. You’re really pretty even when you’re gagged. Your skin, too, it looks so healthy and young! It makes me want to lick it, like it’s chocolate. I think being beautiful is a good thing for yourself and also for people around you. Because they feel better when they’re just looking at you. It’s like looking at a delicious dish. How old are you again? Twenty-five? Twenty-six? Oh, twenty-seven! It’s a great age. Very few women in the world have everything they want at that age. You’re so lucky .

Tell me if there’s anything you want to eat .

Fruit? Vegetables? Or fish? You should be able to answer such a simple question. I guess you wouldn’t want any meat? Okay, I know. Why would I forget that you’re practically a vegetarian? Of course, this isn’t about you, but vegetarians are annoying. There are so many things to eat in the world and they give up that opportunity, voluntarily. Vegetarians make it impossible for a cook to do her best work. No, I know. I know that you’re not one of those people. But a person who cooks can’t have prejudices against food or be afraid of eating like you are. Not eating is basically a refusal of everything, including sex. And you’re already so thin and you like sleeping with him, isn’t that right? What’s taking you so long, I said I would make whatever you want. Is it because there are too many things you want to eat?

Everyone likes different food. Did you know that Hemingway loved oysters? I think I mentioned it in class once. Kant liked to slather mustard on everything he ate, so he always had a bottle with him. Heraclitus liked greens and vegetables, like you, but he was lonely and quick-tempered. Plato liked olives and dried figs and Heidegger enjoyed potato salad and Diogenes loved wine and Toulouse-Lautrec liked drinking port sprinkled with nutmeg and Cleopatra was partial to the hoof of a baby camel. Just imagine the ecstasy they would have experienced after eating their favorite foods. Don’t you think it would have been beautiful to witness? You know how to make that expression, too, right? I want to see it again. You were really beautiful then. When you were lying together, your thighs on top of each other. Oh, sorry. I happened to catch you back then. That was the most erotic sex I’ve ever seen. Because you were both so immersed in it. I almost fell in love with you then. When your tongues were in each other’s mouths it looked like you were breathing, singing into each other. That amazing feeling, I felt it too. Sex is good, no? Every food is the result of a sexual act of an animal or plant .

You see that basket of fruit on the table? Once I was going to eat an apple but there was this black-bean-like fleck on it. On the surface of the red Jonathan apple. I rubbed it with my finger and it happened to be a piece of black nail polish. This is a little while after you came to my cooking class. Remember? You were the only person who came to learn how to cook with nail polish on. And black, at that. That week we didn’t even have class. Se-yeon, did you come here often when I wasn’t here? Did you sit here with him and eat fruit while I wasn’t home? Even so, you shouldn’t have left behind that fleck of nail polish. Black stands out. Se-yeon, you look like perfect pottery but you have an unexpected carelessness to you. No, I guess it could be all my fault. No matter how tasty and useful a potato is, when it starts to sprout you have to cut it out .

Still not hungry? Then should we make something simple? What about caviar on toast? I wanted to make something special for you. I still have so much to say; it’s a waste to be in the kitchen by myself. But this caviar is excellent, so don’t be disappointed. Should I open the fridge? What do you think? Caviar is so shiny and minuscule, isn’t it? I’m drooling already. I’ll open a bottle of white, too. Oh, but do you like caviar? If you do, you can nod. Oh, not really? Why not? It’s so good. You don’t like it because it looks like ovaries? Or because it’s creepy to see all the little black eggs clustered together? I don’t think you understood what I said. You can’t be so picky when you’re a cook. Don’t you want to be the best cook you can be? In such a perfect kitchen, too. Too bad, even if you don’t like it. We’ll eat this tonight .

Se-yeon, did you know that a female sturgeon with eggs is as valuable as gold? When you harvest eggs from a sturgeon you hit the softest part of its head to stun it. And then quickly with a flat sharp knife you pull out the egg sac from the body. Then an expert wearing a white coat and white gloves receives the large egg sac covered in membrane as if it’s a baby. Because it’s so expensive. The stunned sturgeon dies without knowing any better and the eggs are harvested in a perfect state. If the sturgeon is injured or scared or stressed the caviar doesn’t taste good. Adrenalin pumps through so the eggs die or smell bad. So the perfect caviar has to be taken from a happy living sturgeon. This here is the most expensive caviar, which was harvested correctly. What do you think now? You’re hungry, right? You want to eat it, right? I’m cutting this bread into thin slices like this and I’m going to toast it lightly with butter. And then I’m going to top it with a teaspoon of caviar and eat it. Se-yeon, you know you have to eat caviar by putting it in your mouth and popping it lightly with your tongue?

Water? Do you want more? Oh, you must be so thirsty. I’ll give you warm water this time. Cold water is so fleeting. You know what’ll happen if you yell, right? I always keep a promise. You keep the promise you made with me, okay? What is it? Is the water too hot? Don’t worry. Once it goes past the tongue there won’t be any damage to your throat or stomach. The tongue is the most heat-sensitive place on the body. So just drink it. If you shake your head like that the water keeps spilling. Just drink it all up. Instead of bothering me again for more water. Let me see, open your mouth. I guess it really was hot, your tongue is all red. But it’s still healthy pink like a flamingo’s tongue, and your taste buds are standing at attention too. Everything about you is so pretty! You must be so happy that you’re beautiful and can get whatever you want. But looking at you drooling like that is kind of disgusting and sad. I hope he’s never seen you make that expression. Do you know why Hemingway ate oysters at every meal? It’s because he was feeling so empty. So empty, so he would slurp down oysters. That never happens to you, right?