Tom Hanks - Uncommon Type - Some Stories

(tossing into a basket)

Okay. Tomatoes. Radishes. Those long green things. And half of my fingernails.

Wouldn’t avocados be perfect? I’ve got to plant some avocado trees.

They grow on trees?

Yes. But you need two. One male tree and one female tree. Otherwise no avocados.

The trees… have sex?

Once a week. Just like that old man and me.

Bea LAUGHS. Even the chickens SQUAWK in jest.

That is way too much information…

EXT. POOL AREA—DUSK

Phil has been preparing an old barbecue, where a scrawny chicken rotates on a spit. The pool, empty of water…

So you never had kids?

(shakes his head)

Couldn’t. Didn’t mind though. Back in the old days this place was swarming with kids all the time. That’s ’cause of this swim pool. A dozen motels along Eighty-eight before the interstate cut us off. Only three had swim pools. I put up signs every twenty miles, saying, ‘Mount Olympus—Swim Pool.’ Guess where the kids demanded to stay?

With Phil and Bea.

You ever work in the hospitality business?

Not legitimately.

Phil gives him a look.

It’s a line of work you can’t learn. Has to come natural. You have to like people and trust ’em. And lie a little when those with crazy eyes ask if there’s a vacancy. No shame in that. Wisdom.

You must like the motel business.

I like this motel. Could use a bit more business.

MUSIC: “Last Date” by Floyd Cramer

EXT. LANDSCAPE—SUNSET

At the very moment the sun blinks out, gone, beyond the horizon.

EXT. MOTEL OLYMPUS—THE WHOLE PLACE—NIGHT

The sign is not lit up itself, but has only a cheap garden light shining up on it.

Down by the pool we see that a picnic dinner has been enjoyed by the two innkeepers and their guests.

Tell me something. How long you kids been together?

What?

You two. You an item?

Phil, whose business is that?

(her eyes go wide!)

Are we an item? An item? Item?

A man and a woman drive up. In a car together.

Check in together. Have a room together. It’s only happened about a million times…

Ms. Mercury rolls her eyes. Then she shakes her head. Then she laughs to herself.

(pointing to F.X.R.)

This man could no sooner be my half of an “item” than I could fart toast.

Oh, I’m gonna steal that.

As Ms. Mercury says, we have an employer-employee relationship that is proper in every way.

If he isn’t sleeping on the couch, and he isn’t because he’s never slept on a couch, I sure as hell am!

Okay.

(then)

You a gay lesbian, Ms. Mercury?

No, I’m not that fashionable. I’m just single.

No man in your life?

Look… Let me explain this aspect of my life to two relative strangers, as nice as you are.

(then)

A man would complicate my life in the extreme. I need a man right now like your chicken coop needs a satellite dish. I am unattached, connected to no one. The day will come when I chuck it all and bid my boss adieu, and go for the mate, the kids, the hand-made Halloween costumes, all of it. Until then, I’m happily solo, working for this guy…

(F.X.R.—who nods)

Who drives me nuts but can take a joke. I’m making good bank and I see the world, from Tasmania to this lovely inn. I. Have no room. For a boyfriend.

Things are silent for a beat.

Then there’s my answer.

And another beat. The quiet is all-encompassing, beautiful.

Listen to that.

To what? I don’t hear anything.

You’re not listening.

I sure as hell am.

The quiet. He means listen to the quiet.

Oh.

(she does)

I am really trying here… but I don’t hear anything.

The only time I feel like this quiet makes me feel is…

(whenever it is he keeps it to himself)

And it never lasts.

It does around here.

I’ve come to marvel in its totality. No matter the problems or worries, there’s solace in the quiet of the night.

Phil looks at his wife. F.X.R. also looks at Bea. Ms. Mercury looks out into the night.

Oh. I hear it now. Nothing. You mean the sound of nothing.

(she listens)

Ooh. Aah.

A distant CAR HORN honks. Headlights appear, and a panel truck pulls into the motel lot.

So much for that.

That’s Tommy Boyer.

With that part for Bachelorette Number One’s car.

(to Ms. Mercury)

Since you’re not fashionable, you might like Tommy.

(more eye rolling)

Gosh, let me fix my hair…

(calling)

Tommy!

From out of a truck comes TOMMY BOYER. He is the most gorgeous male creature on the planet Earth.

That’s Tommy Boyer?

(she is transfixed)

My lord…

She immediately starts primping her hair.

Oh my. My my my…

He loves to cook.

(licking her hair into place)

Are. You. Shitting. Me?

The great Tommy Boyer approaches. He carries an engine part.

Evening, Bea. Folks.

You eat, Tommy?

I did, thanks. You call for an old GM fuel pump, Phil?

Yep. For this little lady right here.

Everyone can see that Ms. Mercury is smitten with Tommy.

Hi.

(giddy)

Howdy-oo-doody-doo!

Car problems, huh?

Yes indeedy. Terrible that pesky little car problems with of mine.

That it over there? The Buick.

Is it a Buick? Yes. Our sad, bad broken Buick…

Let’s see if we can’t get ’er running.

Okeydokey. I’ll come pop the hood…

(whispers to Bea)

I keep talking like a six-year-old. Help me.