Patrick McCabe - The Butcher Boy

Then I started laughing I couldn't stop myself. It wasn't an ordinary laugh either it was a bogman laugh the way they laugh at nothing with snots coming out of their noses still laughing long after the joke is over. I says I know what I'll do I'll give this bell a whack and see what happens. I'd say it'd make enough noise to waken every boarding school bogman in the world even the ones who are completely deaf. Ready steady – fuck off! If I did that they'd be down on me like a ton of bricks and maybe give Joe the boot into the bargain. Oh no you don't pill you'll not make a cod of old Francie that easy. Pill, I said – have manners!

I was in a right state now with all this laughing I couldn't stop. Hmm I says I wonder what tricks Joe gets up to in this place. Sliding down the knotted sheets out of the dormitory and away off to midnight feasts in the boatshed I'll be bound! I say Purcell you bounder! You are a perfect cad! For fuck's sake! I wonder is there any secret passageways I said. Fall against the knob of a banister next thing aaaaaaaaaaah! and away off down a black corridor full of cobwebs and the skeletons of dead bogmen boys.

Up the stairs I went what's this, a wooden door creak creak Our Lord Jesus appearing out of nowhere in the dark, hanging on the cross – hello yes what can I do for you? I'm looking for Joe Purcell Jesus. Straight on up to the top of the stairs. Right so Jesus thank you.

What's all this I said, a hundred sleeping bogmen! But not for long. Wait till they seen me and Joe in action!

Da-dan!

Flick – on goes the light blazes away and them all gone chinky-eyed and pulling the clothes round them: What's goin' on who's puttin' on the lights? I nearly said: why its me – Algernon Carruthers of course!

When I thought that I doubled up again and all I could see was them staring at me. They were all saying to the perfect who is he you do something about it its your job and all this but he wasn't going to do anything he had the blankets pulled up the same as the rest of them.

I thumped my thigh with the rolled up music book: Joe! Where are you Joe Boy? I'm here! saddle up! We're ridin' out!

I shouted it for all I was worth and then I shouted it again in case he didn't hear me. As soon as I said that all the things I had ever worried about floated away like silk scarves in the breeze and I knew all I had to do now was wait for Joe and we were off and this time we'd be gone for good. It made me feel so good I shouted again: Joe. Yamma yamma yamma! Yamma yamma yamma!

Then I said: Yee haa! Take 'em to Missouri men!

We'll ride out to the mountains Joe and there we can track for days. We can listen to the coyotes in the night. The coyotes baying at the moon because it makes them feel good they howl out anything they ever worried about. Then I did it. A-woo! A-woo! I closed my eyes and cried out across the prairie.

Then I looked up and who's coming the priest. It was Father Fox not because his real name was Fox but because he had a long snout and a hmm I wonder how could I trick this fellow face? Hello Father Fox I said, I'm looking for Joe Purcell. You're what! he says and I could see that Father Fox he wasn't such a nice old fox at all his face went all dark and his eyes didn't say I wonder how could I trick this fellow any more they said one more word out of you my friend and I'll take this collar off and I'll floor you by Christ I will and don't think for one second that I wouldn't. Father Fox I'm surprised at you! Don't say such things!

That's what Algernon Carruthers would have said. But I didn't say it.

I just said I'm looking for Joe can you help me please?

What did Fox say half to himself and half to the bogmen I can not believe it I just can not believe it! He shook his head and when the bogmen seen him doing that they did it too. I could hear doors banging and all this commotion and running on the stairs. Then two more priests came in and who had they with them only Joe Purcell.

Joe! I shouted. Fuck!

I knew I shouldn't have shouted that, but I did. Fox made a wind at me but I ducked. He tried again but that was no use either I sidestepped it he was only making a cod of himself. All I had to do now was walk right over to Joe and that's what I would have done only for what happened then who was standing right behind him only Philip Nugent. He was taller now a bit tougher looking but it was him all right with the hair hanging down in his eyes. He was staring at me in a way he never did before straight at me. As soon as I seen him everything started to go wrong because he wasn't supposed to be there. All the things I was going to say I couldn't remember what they were now then the priest brought Joe over and the way he looked at me my stomach turned over it wasn't Joe. Philip was still standing over by the door with his arms folded. I knew when it was all over what he would be telling them. That I had wanted to be one of them and had turned my back on my own mother. He'd laugh then and say: Imagine him thinking he could be one of us!

Joe said to me: What do you want?

No he didn't. He said: What do you want?

It was no use me trying to say I wanted us to ride out Joe I wanted us to talk about the old days and what we'd do if we won a hundred million trillion dollars maybe go tracking in the mountains I don't know Joe, it was no use me saying that for I knew it wouldn't come out right so I said nothing I just stood there looking at him.

He asked me again: What do you want me for? Are you deaf or something?

Then he said: Do you hear me. What do you want me for?

I never thought Joe would ask that I never thought he would have to ask that but he did didn't he and when I heard him say it that was when I started to feel myself draining away and I couldn't stop it the more I tried the worse it got I could have floated to the ceiling like a fag paper please Joe come with me that was all I wanted to say dumb people have holes in the pit of their stomachs and that's the way I was now the dumbest person in the whole world who had no words left for anything at all. All I had now was one thing and that was the music book. It had got all twisted up with sweat marks all over it I says don't worry Francie its going to be all right I smoothed it out a bit and handed it to him some way or other I dropped it and the next thing the priest came in between us and says: Look this has gone far enough! Is this fellow a friend of yours or is he not Purcell?

I looked at Joe please Joe I was saying but he wasn't looking at me he was just saying I'm tired I want to get back to my bed its three in the morning.

Then Joe just shook his head and said: No.

Then he left he said something to Philip on the way out and Philip smiled. I stayed there for a minute I was still twisting the book then the priest said I think its time you were leaving Mr Brady. I said yes, yes Father and they brought me to the gate they said I was lucky they didn't call the police I said yes it was then I went off into the dark I had left the bike somewhere but I didn't know where. It didn't matter anyway I just walked I felt like walking that wasn't Joe I said I don't know who that was but it wasn't Joe, Joe is gone they took him away from me and all I could see was a pair of thin lips saying that's right we did and there's nothing you can do that will ever bring him back again isn't that true Francis Pig you little piggy baby pig and I says yes Mrs Nugent it is.

When I got to the town they were all running round saying the world is going to end. The first thing I seen was Mickey Traynor wheeling a statue of Our Lady up the street in a barrow did you not hear he says the world is going to end it was on the news last night its all over he says oh I know says I I know that all right you don't have to tell me that!