Sarah Waters - The Night Watch

Milk, eggs, cheese, bugger , she had typed. She quickly looked up, embarassed; and had to pull the papers out and start again… What was Reggie doing, she wondered, as she turned the reel, right now? Was he thinking of her? She tried to reach out to him with her mind. My darling , she called him, in her thoughts. She'd never call him that to his face. My darling, my darling … She flicked closed the paper guard and started typing again; but she typed fluently, and one of the advantages-or disadvantages-of being able to type so well was that, while your fingers flew over the keys, your thoughts could start racing. If you had something on your mind, it could seem to pick up the typewriter's rhythm and run like a train… Now her mind ran with the idea of Reggie. She remembered the feel of him in her arms. She remembered the working of his hands over her thighs. She felt the memory in her own fingers, in her breasts, her mouth, and in between her legs… Awful to be thinking things like that, so vividly, with all these upper-class girls about, and in the arid crack-crack-cracking of so many typewriters. But- She glanced around the room. Weren't any of these girls in love? Really in love, like she was with Reggie? Even Miss Gibson must once have been kissed. A man must have wanted her; a man might have lain with her on a bedroom floor, taken off her knickers, put himself inside her, pushed and pushed-

Abruptly, the door to Mr Archer's office opened again and Miss Gibson herself reappeared. Viv blushed, and put her head down. Pork, bacon, beef, lamb, poultry , she typed. Herring, sardine, salmon, shrimp -

But Miss Gibson, having caught her eye, called her over.

'Miss Pearce,' she said. She had a roneo stencil in her hand. 'You seem for some reason to have time to spare. Take this down to the ink room, will you, and have them run off two hundred copies? Quickly as you can, please.'

'Yes, Miss Gibson,' said Viv, still blushing. She took the stencil and went out.

The ink room was two floors down, at the end of another marble corridor. Viv spoke to the girl in charge of it-a plain-faced girl in spectacles, whom no-one much liked. She was turning the handle of one of the machines; she looked at Miss Gibson's stencil and said, with great contempt, 'Two hundred? I'm making a batch of a thousand here, for Mr Brightman. The trouble with all you people is, you seem to think that copies can be whistled up by magic. You'll have to turn them out yourself, I'm afraid. Ever worked one of these machines? The last girl I had in here made such a muck of things, the drum was unusable for days.'

Viv had been shown how to fit a stencil, but months before. She fumbled about with the cradle now-the girl, still turning her own machine, looking over and calling, witheringly: 'Not that way!' and, 'There, look! There! '

At last the stencil and the paper and the ink were all in place; and all Viv had to do then was stand and turn the handle, two hundred times… The motion hurt her tender breasts. She felt herself begin to grow sweaty. And to make things worse, a man from another department came in, and stood, smiling, and watched her.

'I always like to see you girls doing that,' he said, when she'd finished. 'You look just like milkmaids, churning butter.'

He only had a few copies of his own to make. By the time she'd counted out her sheets and let them dry he had finished, and he held the door for her when she went out. He did it rather awkwardly, because he walked with a cane: he'd been an airman, she knew, at the start of the war, and had been lamed in some sort of smash. He was young, quite fair: the kind of man of whom girls said, 'He's got nice eyes,' or, 'He's got nice hair'-not because his eyes or his hair were especially handsome, but because the rest of his face wasn't handsome at all, and yet you wanted to find something pleasant to say about him… They set off together down the corridor and she felt obliged to walk at his pace.

He said, 'You're one of Miss Gibson's girls, aren't you? Up on the top floor? I thought so. I've noticed you about the place before.'

They got to the staircase. Her arm was aching, from turning the handle of the machine. She had an uncomfortable, moistish feeling between her legs. It was probably sweat, but might, she thought, be something worse. If the man hadn't been with her, she would have run downstairs; but she didn't want him to see her dashing off to the lavatory. He took the staircase one step at a time, steadying himself by gripping the banister; perhaps he was laying it on a bit thick, too, to give himself a few extra minutes with her…

'That must be your room along there,' he said, when they got to the top. 'I can tell by the clatter.' He moved his cane from his right hand to his left, so that he could shake hands with her. 'Well, goodbye, Miss-?'

'Miss Pearce,' said Viv.

'Goodbye, Miss Pearce. Perhaps I'll see you churning milk again, some time? Or else- Well, if you'd care to make it a stiffer drink-?'

She told him she'd think about it; because she didn't want him to suppose she wouldn't, because of his leg. She might even let him take her on a date. She might let him kiss her. Where was the harm? It wouldn't mean anything. It was just what you did. It wouldn't be what she had with Reggie.

She gave the papers to Miss Gibson; but on the way back to her seat she hesitated, still thinking of the lavatory. She remembered a girl who, a few weeks before, had been seen all over the building with blood on her skirt… She picked up her handbag, went back to Miss Gibson, and asked if she could be excused.

Miss Gibson looked at the clock, and frowned. 'Oh, very well. But this is why you girls have lunch-hours, don't forget.'

This time, to keep herself from being jolted about by the stairs, Viv took the lift. But then she almost ran into the cloakroom: she went into one of the lavatory stalls, pulled up her skirt, lowered her knickers; she pulled a couple of sheets of paper from the box and pressed them between her legs.

When she drew the paper away, however, it was quite unmarked. She thought, maybe peeing would bring the blood down… But she peed, and it made no difference.

'Hell,' she said, aloud. For periods were annoying enough when they came; but waiting around for them was almost worse. She got the sanitary towel out and pinned it in place, just to be on the safe side; she looked in her bag, and saw Reggie's card, and was almost tempted to take it out and read it again…

But beside the card there was her little pocket diary: a slim blue Ministry diary, with a pencil in its spine. And when she saw that, she checked herself. She thought of dates. How long had it been since her last period, anyway? It seemed like ages, suddenly.

She got the diary out and opened it up. The pages looked cryptic, like a spy's, for there were all sorts of codes on them: a symbol for the days she'd visited Duncan, another for her Saturdays with Reggie; and a discreet little asterisk, every twenty-eight or twenty-nine days. She began now to count up the dates from the last asterisk: she got to twenty-nine, and counted on-to thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three.

She couldn't believe it. She went back and counted again. She'd never been so late before. She'd never really been late at all; she always joked to other girls that she was like a clock, like a calendar. She said to herself: It's because of the raids . That must be what it was. The raids mucked everybody up. It stood to reason. She was tired. She was probably run-down.

She pulled more paper from the box and pressed it between her legs again; and when, again, the paper came away unmarked, she even got to her feet and did a couple of little jumps, trying to jolt the blood out. But jumping made her breasts hurt: they hurt so much they were almost stinging, and when she put her hands to them she felt how swollen they were, how stretched and full…