Larry McMurtry - Lonesome Dove

"You try what you like," he said. He had begun, more and more, to talk out loud to her when they were alone. "I'll tell you this: I aim to ride you across the Yellowstone, and if I don't it'll be because one of us gets killed first."

The gray mare loped on toward Austin, once again easily eating up the miles.

LORENA WAS AMUSED that Gus had stopped. He was not a man to miss a chance. If he thought to trick her again, he would have to work hard at it, but she was relieved to have him stay. The two days since Jake had left were wearisome. Although she knew he would come back in time, she was less and less certain that it mattered, for Jake had taken a grudge against her and she suspected he would be slow to give it up. It was puzzling to her, thinking back on it, why she had been so quick to trust him. Somehow he had convinced her he was the answer to all her problems. She had felt an overpowering feeling of need and trust when he had sat down and began talking to her so friendly. He had seemed as eager to hear her talk as she had been to hear his.

Only a month had passed, and in the last few days he had made it perfectly clear that he had no interest in ever hearing her talk again and would prefer that she didn't. It made her sad. If she was always going to be so mistaken about men, she would be lucky ever to get to San Francisco.

At times, waiting, she had almost decided just to take the horse and the mule and try to find her way back to Lonesome Dove. Xavier had said he would marry her and take her anywhere she wanted to go. She remembered the day he had come into the room-his wild eyes, his threat to kill Jake. When she had nothing to do but sit around and think about it, her capacity for mistakes discouraged her so that she considered drowning herself in the little pool. But it was a sunny, pretty morning, and when she went into the pool a little later, it was only to wash her hair in the cool water. For a moment she put her head under and opened her eyes, but it felt silly-to die in such an element was only ridiculous. She began to wonder if perhaps she was touched-if that was why she made mistakes. Her mother had been touched. She often babbled of people no one knew. She talked to dead relatives, dead babies, speaking to them as if they were still alive. Lorena wondered if it was mistakes that had made her mother do that. Perhaps, after so many mistakes, your mind finally broke loose and wandered back and forth between past and present.

"Lorie, you look downcast," Augustus said. "Not four or five days ago you felt keen and looked more beautiful than the sky. What's that scamp done to cause such a change?"

"I don't know, Gus," Lorena said. "Seems like I change every day."

"Oh, like most people do," he said, watching her. She had a sad look in her eyes.

"I didn't used to down in Lonesome Dove," she said. "I mainly just felt the same from one day to the next."

"Yes, hopeless," Augustus said. "You didn't expect nothing. Then Jake come along and started you expecting again."

"I didn't expect this," Lorena said.

"No, but he got you hoping, at least," Augustus said. "The trouble is, Jake ain't a man to support nobody's hopes but his own."

Lorena shrugged. It hadn't been Jake's fault. He hadn't asked her to turn herself over to him, although he had accepted readily enough when she did.

"I guess I'm in a fix," she said. "He ain't gonna take me to California."

"Nope," Augustus said. "It's too bad Call's ornery about women or we could make you a cook and all the cowhands could fall in love with you. Dish is near crazy with love for you as it is."

"That won't get him much," Lorena said. Dish had been her last customer before Jake. He had a white body, like all the rest, and was so excited he was hardly with her any time.

"Well, he's got you to think about," Augustus said. "That's more important than you might think. A young man needs a woman to think about."

"I guess he's free to think all he wants," Lorena said. "Why'd you stop off, Gus?"

"Hoping for a poke," Augustus said. "What's it gonna be this time, draw poker?"

"No, blackjack," Lorena said. "I'm luckier at it. What do I get if I win?"

Augustus grinned. "I'll be your whore," he said. "You can have a poke on demand."

"Why would I want one?" Lorena asked. The notion of a man being a whore amused her a little, it was so unusual.

"Think about it a minute," Augustus said. "Suppose it all worked the other way, and men were the whores. You just walk into a saloon and jingle your money and buy anyone you wanted. And he'd have to take his clothes off and do what you said do."

"I never seen one I wanted," Lorena said. "'Cept Jake, and that didn't last any time."

"I know it's hard to think about," Augustus said. "You been the one wanted all this time. Just suppose it was the opposite and you could buy what you wanted in the way of a man."

Lorena decided Gus was the craziest man she had ever known. He didn't look crazy, but his notions were wild.

"Suppose I was a whore," he said. "I've always figured I'd make a good one. If you win this hand I'll give you a free poke and all you'll have to figure out is how to enjoy it."

"I wouldn't enjoy it," Lorena said. She had never enjoyed it, and it would take more than Gus's talk to change her opinion.

"Did you never play games?" Augustus asked.

"I played spin the bottle," Lorena said, remembering that she had played it with her brother, who had been sickly and had stayed in Alabama with her grandmother.

"Well, it's a kind of game we're talking about," Augustus said. "Games are played for fun. You've thought about it as a business too long. If you win the card game you ought to pretend you're a fancy lady in San Francisco who don't have nothing to do but lay around on silk sheets and have a nigger bring you buttermilk once in a while. And what my job is is to make you feel good."

"I don't like buttermilk," Lorena said. To her surprise, Gus suddenly stroked her cheek. It took her aback and she put her head down on her knees. Gus put his hand under her wet hair and rubbed the back of her neck.

"Yes, that's your problem," he said. "You don't like buttermilk, or nothing else. You're like a starving person whose stomach is shrunk up from not having any food. You're shrunk up from not wanting nothing."

"I want to get to San Francisco," Lorena said. "It's cool, they say."

"You'd be better off if you could just enjoy a poke once in a while," Augustus said, taking one of her hands in his and smoothing her fingers. "Life in San Francisco is still just life. If you want one thing too much it's likely to be a disappointment. The healthy way is to learn to like the everyday things, like soft beds and buttermilk-and feisty gentlemen."

Lorena didn't answer. She shut her eyes and let Gus hold her hand. She was afraid he would try more, without paying her or even playing cards, but he didn't. It was a very still morning. Gus seemed content to hold her hand and sit quietly. She could hear the horses swishing their tails.

Then Gus let her hand go and stood up and took off his shirt and pants. Lorena wondered what made him behave so strangely-they were supposed to play cards first. Gus had on flannel underwear that had been pink once. It was so worn the color had almost faded to white. It was full of holes and his white chest hair stuck out of some of the holes. He also took off his boots and socks.

"You had your bath, but I ain't had one," he said, and went to the water hole and waded right in, underwear and all. The water was cold, but Gus went splashing off across the pool. He ducked his head under a few times and then swam back.

"Dern, that water was so cold it shriveled my pod," he said. He sat down on a big rock to let the heat dry him. Then, looking beyond her, he apparently saw something she couldn't see.