Larry McMurtry - Lonesome Dove

"Fort Smith, Arkansas," Jake said. "Not three weeks ago."

"Well, I've always considered dentistry a dangerous profession," Augustus said. "Making a living by yanking people's teeth out is asking for trouble."

"He wasn't even pulling my tooth," Jake said. "I didn't even know there was a dentist in the town. I got in a little argument in a saloon and a damn mule skinner threw down on me. Somebody's old buffalo rifle was leaning against the wall right by me and that's what I went for. Hell, I was sitting on my own pistol-I never wouldn't have got to it in time. I wasn't even playin' cards with the mule skinner."

"What riled him then?" Gus asked.

"Whiskey," Jake said. "He was bull drunk. Before I even noticed, he took a dislike to my dress and pulled his Colt."

"Well, I don't know what took you to Arkansas in the first place, Jake," Augustus said. "A fancy dresser like yourself is bound to excite comment in them parts."

Call had found, over the years, that it only did to believe half of what Jake said. Jake was not a bald liar, but once he thought over a scrape, his imagination sort of worked on it and shaded it in his own favor.

"If the man pointed a gun at you and you shot him, then that was self-defense," Call said. "I still don't see where the dentist comes in."

"It was bad luck all around," Jake said. "I never even shot the mule skinner. I did shoot, but I missed, which was enough to scare him off. But of course I shot that dern buffalo gun. It was just a little plank saloon we were sitting in. A plank won't stop a fifty-caliber bullet."

"Neither will a dentist," Augustus observed. "Not unless you shoot down on him from the top, and even then I expect the bullet would come out his foot."

Call shook his head-Augustus could think of the damndest things.

"So where was the dentist?" he asked.

"Walking along on the other side of the street," Jake said. "They got big wide streets in that town, too."

"But not wide enough, I guess," Call said.

"Nope," Jake said. "We went to the door to watch the mule skinner run off and saw the dentist laying over there dead, fifty yards away. He had managed to get in the exact wrong spot."

"Pea done the same thing once," Augustus said. "Remember, Woodrow? Up in the Wichita country? Pea shot at a wolf and missed and the bullet went over a hill and kilt one of our horses."

"I won't forget that," Call said. "It was little Billy it killed. I hated to lose that horse."

"Of course we couldn't convince Pea he'd done it," Augustus said. "He don't understand trajectory."

"Well, I understand it," Jake said. "Everybody in town liked that dentist."

"Aw, Jake, that won't stick," Augustus said. "Nobody really likes dentists."

"This one was the mayor," Jake said.

"Well, it was accidental death," Call said.

"Yeah, but I'm just a gambler," Jake said. "They all like to think they're respectable back in Arkansas. Besides, the dentist's brother was the sheriff, and somebody told him I was a gunfighter. He invited me to leave town a week before it happened."

Call sighed. All the gunfighter business went back to one lucky shot Jake had made when he was a mere boy starting out in the Rangers. It was funny how one shot could make a man's reputation like that. It was a hip shot Jake made because he was scared, and it killed a Mexican bandit who was riding toward them on a dead run. It was Call's opinion, and Augustus's too, that Jake hadn't even been shooting at the bandit-he was probably shooting in hopes of bringing down the horse, which might have fallen on the bandit and crippled him a little. But Jake shot blind from the hip, with the sun in his eyes to boot, and hit the bandit right in the Adam's apple, a thing not likely to occur more than once in a lifetime, if that often.

But it was Jake's luck that most of the men who saw him make the shot were raw boys too, with not enough judgment to appreciate how lucky a thing it was. Those that survived and grew up told the story all across the West, so there was hardly a man from the Mexican border to Canada who hadn't heard what a dead pistol shot Jake Spoon was, though any man who had fought with him through the years would know he was no shot at all with a pistol and only a fair shot with a rifle.

Call and Augustus had always worried about Jake because of his unearned reputation, but he was a lucky fellow and there were not many men around dumb enough to enjoy pistol fights, so Jake managed to get by. It was ironic that the shot which finally got him in trouble was as big an accident as the shot that had made his fame.

"How'd you get loose from the sheriff?" Call asked.

"He was gone when it happened," Jake said. "He was up in Missouri, testifying on some stage robbers. I don't know if he's even back to Fort Smith yet."

"They wouldn't have hung you for an accident, even in Arkansas," Call said.

"I am a gambler, but that's one I didn't figure to gamble on," Jake said. "I just went out the back door and left, hoping July would get too busy to come after me."

"July's the sheriff?" Gus asked.

"Yes, July Johnson," Jake said. "He's young, but he's determined. I just hope he gets busy."

"I don't know why a lawman would want a dentist for a brother," Augustus said rather absently.

"If he warned you out of the town you should have left," Call said. "There's plenty of other towns besides Fort Smith."

"Jake probably had him a whore," Augustus said. "He usually does."

"You're one to talk, Gus," Jake said.

They all fell silent for a time while Jake thoughtfully picked his teeth with the sharpened match. Bolivar was sound asleep, sitting on his stool.

"I should have rode on, Call," Jake said apologetically. "But Fort Smith's a pretty town. It's on the river, and I like to have a river running by me. They eat catfish down there. It got where it kinda suited my tooth."

"I'd like to see the fish that could keep me in a place I wasn't wanted," Call said. Jake had always been handy with excuses.

"That's what we'll tell the sheriff when he shows up to take you back," Augustus said. "Maybe he'll take you fishing while you're waiting to be hung."

Jake let it pass. Gus would have his joke, and he and Call would disapprove of him when he got in some unlucky scrape. It had always been that way. But the three of them were compañeros still, no matter how many dentists he killed. Call and Gus had been the law themselves and didn't always bow and scrape to it. They would not likely let some young sheriff take him off to hang because of an accident. He was willing to take a bit of ribbing. When trouble came, if it did, the boys would stick and July Johnson would have to ride back home empty-handed.

He stood up and walked to the door to look over the hot, dusty little town.

"I hardly thought to find you boys still here," he said. "I thought you'd have some big ranch somewhere by now. This town was a twobit town when we came here and it looks to me like it's lost about fifteen cents since then. Who's left that we all know?"

"Xavier and Lippy," Augustus said. "Therese got kilt, thank God. A few of the boys are left but I forget who. Tom Bynum's left."

"He would be," Jake said. "The Lord looks after fools like Tom."

"What do you hear of Clara?" Augustus asked. "I suppose since you traveled the world you've been to see her. Dropped in for supper, innocent-like, I guess."

Call stood up to go. He had heard enough to know why Jake had come back, and didn't intend to waste the day listening to him jaw about his travels, particularly not if it meant having to hear any talk about Clara Allen. He had heard enough about Clara in the old days, when Gus and Jake had both been courting her. He had been quite happy to think it all ended when she married, but it hadn't ended, and listening to Gus pine over her was almost as bad as having him and Jake fighting about her. Now, with Jake back, it would all start again, though Clara Allen had been married and gone for over fifteen years.