Larry McMurtry - Lonesome Dove

But to his surprise, the minute he stepped inside the door of the post office his optimism gave way in a flash to bitter depression. In trying to think of what he would say in his letter he remembered all that had happened. Roscoe was dead, Joe was dead, the girl was dead, and Ellie not found-maybe she too was dead. All he had to report was death and failure. At the thought of poor Roscoe, gutted and left under a little pile of rocks on the prairie, his eyes filled with tears and he had to turn and walk back out the door to keep from embarrassing himself.

He walked along the dusty street for a few minutes, wiping the tears out of his eyes with his shirtsleeve. One or two men observed him curiously. It was obvious that he was upset, but no one said anything to him. He remembered walking into the post office in Fort Worth and getting the letter that told him about Ellie. Since then, it had all been puzzlement and pain. He felt that in most ways it would have been better if he had died on the plains with the rest of them. He was tired of wandering and looking.

But he hadn't died, and eventually he turned and went back to the post office, which was empty except for an elderly clerk with a white mustache.

"Well, you're back," the clerk said. "That was you a while ago, wasn't it?"

"That was me," July admitted.

He bought an envelope, a stamp and a couple of sheets of writing paper, and the clerk, who seemed kindly, loaned him a pencil to write with.

"You can write it right here at the window," the clerk said. "We're not doing much business today."

July started, and then, to his embarrassment, began to cry again. His memories were too sad, his hopes too thin. To have to say things on paper seemed a terrible task, for it stirred the memories.

"I guess somebody died and you've got to write their folks, is that it?" the clerk said.

"Yes," July said. "Only two of them didn't have no folks." He vaguely remembered that Roscoe had a few brothers, but none of them lived around Fort Smith or had been heard of in years. He wiped his eyes on his shirtsleeve again, reflecting that he had cried more in the last few weeks than he had in his whole life up to that point.

After standing there staring at the paper for a few minutes, he finally wrote a brief letter, addressed to Peach:

DEAR PEACH-

Roscoe Brown was killed by a bad outlaw, so was Joe. A girl named Janey was also kilt, I don't know much about her, Roscoe said he met her in the woods.

I don't know when I will be back-the folks can hire another sheriff if they want to, somebody has to look after the town.

Your brother-in-law,

JULY JOHNSON

He had already pretty well convinced himself that Elmira was not in Dodge City, for he had been in every public place in town and had not seen her. But since the old clerk seemed kindly, he thought he might as well ask. Maybe she had come in to mail a letter at some point.

"I'm looking for a woman named Elmira," he said. "She's got brown hair and she ain't very big."

"Ellie?" the clerk said. "Why, I ain't seen Ellie in two or three years. Seems like I heard she moved to Abilene."

"That's her," July said, encouraged again all of a sudden. Ellie had been living in Abilene before she moved to St. Jo, where he had found her. "I thought she might have come back," he added.

"No, ain't seen her," the clerk said. "But you might ask Jennie, up at the third saloon. She and Elmira used to be thick once. I think they even married the same man, if you want to call it married."

"Oh, Mr. Boot?" July asked.

"Yes, Dee Boot, the scoundrel," the clerk said.

"How could he be married to the two of them?" July asked, not sure he wanted the information but unable to stop talking to a man who could tell him something about Ellie.

"Why, Dee Boot would bed down with a possum, if the possum was female. He was a cutter with the ladies."

"Didn't he die of smallpox?" July asked.

The clerk shook his head. "Not so far as I know," he said. "He's up in Ogallala or Deadwood or somewhere, where there's lots of whores and not too much law. I imagine he's got five or six whores in his string right now. Of course he could have died, but he's my nephew and I ain't heard no news to that effect."

"Thank you for the loan of the pencil," July said. He turned and walked out. He went straight to the livery stable and got his new horse, whose name was Pete. If Elmira wasn't in Dodge she might be in Abilene, so he might as well start. But he didn't start. He rode halfway out of town and then went back to the third saloon from the post office and inquired about the woman named Jennie. They said she had moved to another bar, up the street-a cowboy was even kind enough to point out the bar. A herd had been sold that morning and was being loaded onto boxcars. July rode over and watched the work a while-slow work and made slower by the cattle's long horns, which kept getting tangled with one another as the cattle were being forced up the narrow loading chute. The cowboys yelled and popped their quirts, and the horses behaved expertly, but despite that, it seemed to take a long time to fill a boxcar.

Still, July liked the look of the cowboys-he always had, even when they got a little rowdy, as they sometimes did in Fort Smith. They were young and friendly and seemed not to have a care in the world. They rode as if they were grown to their horses. Their teamwork when the cattle misbehaved and tried to break out was interesting to see. He saw a cowboy rope a running steer by the horns and then cleverly trip it so that the steer fell heavily. When the animal rose, it showed no more fight and was soon loaded.

After watching the loading for a while he went back to the saloon where the woman named Jennie was said to work. He inquired for her at the bar, and the bartender, a skinny runt, said she was busy and asked if he wanted a whiskey. July seldom drank whiskey but he said yes, to be courteous, mainly. If he was taking up space in a bar he ought to pay for it, he figured. So he took the whiskey and sipped it until it was gone, and then took another. Soon he was feeling heavy, as if it would be difficult to walk fast if he had to, but in fact he didn't have to. Women came and went in the saloon, but the bartender who poured the whiskeys kept assuring him that Jennie would be down any minute. July kept drinking. It seemed to him that he was taking on weight in a hurry. He felt that just getting out of his chair would be more than he could do, he felt so heavy.

The bartender kept bringing whiskeys and it seemed to July he must be running up quite a bill, but it didn't worry him. Occasionally a cowboy would pass by, his spurs jingling. Some of them gave July a look, but none of them spoke to him. It was comfortable to sit in the saloon-as sheriff, he had usually avoided them unless he had business in one. It had always puzzled him how some men could spend their days just sitting in a saloon, drinking, but now it was beginning to seem less puzzling. It was restful, and the heavy feeling that came with the drinking was a relief to him, in a way. For the last few weeks he had been struggling to do things which were beyond his powers-he knew he was supposed to keep trying, even if he wasn't succeeding, but it was pleasant not to try for a little while.

Then he looked up and saw a woman standing by the table-she was skinny, like Elmira, and had stringy black hair.

"Let's get going, cowboy," she said. "You can't do nothing sitting there."

"Get going where?" he asked, taken by surprise. No one had ever called him "cowboy" before, but it was a natural mistake. He had taken off his sheriff's star for a few days-a precaution he often took in a strange town.

"I'm Jennie," she said. "Sam said you were looking for me, or have I got the wrong cowboy?"