Ha Jin - A Free Life

"Pingping can do better," Nan put in. "Her mozzer won prizes for paper cuttings."

"This is art." Janet sounded incredulous.

"Sure, that's why I married zer girl with zer deftest hands." Nan laughed, scratching his crown.

"Don't believe him," said Pingping.

Janet looked her in the eye. "Can you really make artwork like these?"

"Yes, I can cut these things."

"Then you should make some for me."

"It take a lotta time." Pingping smiled blithely.

As the conversation went on, the Mitchells brought up the topic of Hailee's biological parents, but husband and wife couldn't see eye to eye on this subject. Janet had asked the leaders of the orphanage to send her information on Hailee's biological parents, ideally some pictures as well; although they didn't promise to provide anything more, the head of the orphanage, a good-looking young man with a chipped tooth, had assured her that he'd try to gather the information for her.

"I don't think you will hear from zem," Nan said to Janet, and put down his coffee cup on the glass end table.

"What use to know her ex-parents?" asked Pingping. "You and Dave are her parents."

"That's right," Dave chimed in.

But Janet couldn't be persuaded. "I want to see what her biological parents look like and also to know the medical history of the family."

"They don't have medical history," said Pingping.

"What do you mean?" Janet looked puzzled, her eyes blinking.

"People in Chinese countryside don't write down their disease," Pingping explained.

"They don't have a medical record," added Nan.

"But certainly they know who died of what disease in the family," said Janet.

Nan answered, "You shouldn't bozzer to look for her biological parents. Even if you find zem, they might give you a lawt of trouble down zer road."

"That's what I think too," said Dave. "Hailee is our daughter, period. No matter what happens, she's ours and we'll take care of her. I don't have to know the medical history of her biological family."

"I don't mean we might give her up if anything bad happens," Janet said. "You'll have to kill me before you can take her away from me."

They kept talking about parenthood. To the Wus' surprise, the Mitchells asked them to be their daughter's godparents. Pingping said, "I don't go to church, how can I be godmother? I can be her stepmother."

The Mitchells were astonished, while Nan laughed. He told them, "Pingping means she can be a nominal mozzer. That's zer Chinese way and has nothing to do wiz religion. A child can have nominal parents in China."

Janet said, "I heard of nominal parents in Nanjing."

So Pingping agreed to be Hailee's nominal mother, but Nan was reluctant, saying he couldn't be a good father. Both Janet and Dave looked dismayed. Indeed, they had promised to be Taotao's legal guardians if his parents died. Why wouldn't Nan reciprocate the favor? Pingping explained, " Nan can never be good father. You see, Taotao and he is not close."

"That's because I didn't spend a lawt of time wiz him when he was little," said Nan.

Ignoring his words, Pingping went on, "After Taotao was born, he doesn't sleep with us for three month. He sleep in his father's office every night."

Nan kept silent, awash in shame. Pingping had often dredged that up and he'd defend himself by insisting that he'd have to attend seminars in the mornings and must sleep well at night. Now, in front of their friends, he felt it futile to argue with her. He told the Mitchells about the nominal fatherhood, "Let me think about zat, okay?"

"Sure, no rush," said Janet. "We thought it would be wonderful if Hailee has Chinese godparents or nominal parents."

"I'm not sure eef I can bring her up like my own child," admitted Nan, as if mumbling to himself.

"You wouldn't have to do anything for Hailee if Dave and I were both gone."

"All right, I will let you know my answer soon."

After the Wus left, Janet carried Hailee upstairs to the nursery, Dave following her. Dave liked Nan but sometimes found it hard to communicate with him. Undoubtedly Nan was a decent man, but he was too introverted and often as aloof as if he were in a kind of trance. It was impossible to talk with him about fishing, sports, dogs, cars-not to speak of women and girls. He'd call an SUV "a big jeep" and wouldn't listen carefully when Dave explained to him the rules of football, though he bragged that he used to play soccer in college, a halfback. By nature Nan was a bookish man who could have thrived in an academic environment, yet somehow the restaurant business suited him as well-he was an excellent cook and knew how to please customers. What Dave didn't like about him was that at times Nan acted like a spoilsport. Dave had once heard him telling Janet, Pingping, and Niyan that all soap operas were trash. That was really embarrassing.

" Nan 's such a flake," Dave said to Janet, who placed their baby in the crib.

"I was surprised too that he didn't want to have anything to do with Hailee."

"He doesn't like kids, I guess."

"Then why did he get married and start a family in the first place? Wasn't that unfair to Pingping and Taotao?"

"A guy like him thinks too much." Dave tucked in an edge of the baby's red blanket.

"I hope he'll change his mind about Hailee."

"It doesn't matter. We have lots of others willing to be her godfather."

"I'm glad Pingping agreed, though."

"Me too. She's always been more helpful than Nan."

NAN truly felt he couldn't be a good nominal father. He wasn't sure if he'd be capable of assuming all the parental responsibilities if Dave and Janet really died. If that happened, by the Chinese custom, he'd be obligated to raise Hailee as his own. Different from Dave, he wasn't very fond of children and felt that in his heart he was unwilling to make the sacrifices needed for raising another child. His friend Dick Harrison often went to New York to see his godson, attending the boy's birthday parties, cello performances, soccer tournaments, bar mitzvah. Nan wouldn't want to be like Dick. He already had his hands full with Taotao.

Another problem bothering him was that if Pingping and he were supposed to raise Hailee in the event that her parents died, the Mitchells had never mentioned whether Nan and Pingping would inherit their property, whereas the Wus had entrusted them with everything they owned. Dave had a lot of family and relatives in the South, and perhaps he and Janet didn't intend to leave Hailee in the Wus' care, not wanting their property transferred to them. That must have been why Janet said, "You wouldn't have to do anything for Hailee if Dave and I were gone." Nan, making little distinction between a nominal parent and a legal guardian, gathered that Dave and Janet would want them to be only a lesser kind of nominal parents, probably because the Mitchells were rich, unwilling to share their property with them. Pingping hadn't considered the matter in this light and now could see Nan 's point. She wouldn't reproach him for refusing to be Hailee's nominal father right away. It was unfair for the Mitchells not to reciprocate the kind of absolute trust the Wus had placed in them. "Is it because we're yellow and they're white?" Pingping asked Nan.

"Their daughter is Asian too. I think it's more likely because they're rich and have more family, not loners like us."

Then husband and wife wondered if they should cancel the agreement on Taotao's guardianship they'd signed with the Mitchells. They decided not to, because they were uncertain who, beside Janet and Dave, could treat Taotao better if both of them died. They had best let the matter stay as it was. This wasn't equal, they both agreed, a little mortified, but they had no choice. To make the whole thing worse, Mr. Shang, the attorney who had prepared the papers for them, had left Chinatown and nobody knew his whereabouts. The Wus had thought of informing the Mitchells of Mr. Shang's disappearance, but now they changed their minds and preferred to put the matter on the back burner for the time being. They only hoped that nothing fatal would happen to them before their son reached eighteen.