Nora Roberts - Sacred Sins

“I like it dark.”

Tess glanced at the figure on the bed. It was time to push. “I don’t,” she said simply, then drew the curtain open. When light spilled in, Lydia rolled over and glared. She hadn’t bothered with her hair and makeup. There was a drawn, bitter look around her mouth.

“It’s my room.”

“Yes, it is. From what I hear you’ve been spending too much time alone in it.”

“And what the hell are you supposed to do around this place? Weave baskets with the fruits and nuts?”

“You might try going for a walk on the grounds.” Tess sat, but didn’t touch the file.

“I don’t belong here. I don’t want to be here.”

“You’re free to go any time.” Tess watched her sit up and light a cigarette. “This isn’t a prison, Lydia.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“You signed yourself in. When you feel you’re ready, you can sign yourself out.”

Lydia said nothing, smoking in brooding silence.

“I see your husband was in to see you yesterday.”

Lydia glanced at the flowers, then away. “So?”

“How did you feel about seeing him?”

“Oh, I loved it,” she snapped. “I loved having him come in here to see me looking like this.” She grabbed a handful of her unwashed hair. “I told him he should bring the kids so they can see what a pitiful hag their mother is.”

“Did you know he was coming?”

“I knew.”

“You have a shower in there. Shampoo, makeup.”

“Aren’t you the one who said I was hiding behind things?”

“Using prescription drugs and alcohol as a crutch isn’t the same as making the effort to look nice for your husband. You wanted him to see you this way, Lydia. Why, so he’d go away feeling sorry for you? Guilty?”

The arrow hit home and started the blaze, as she’d hoped. “Just shut up. It’s none of your business.”

“Did your husband bring you those flowers? They’re lovely.”

Lydia looked at them again. They made her want to cry, lose the edge of bitterness and failure that was her defense now. Picking up the vase, she hurled it and the flowers against the wall.

From out in the hall where he’d been told to wait, Ben heard the crash. He was out of his chair and heading toward the open door when a nurse stopped him.

“I’m sorry, sir, you really can’t go in. Dr. Court’s with a patient.” Blocking his way, she went to the door herself.

“Oh, Mrs. Rydel.” Ben heard Tess’s voice, cool and unruffled. “Would you bring a dustpan and a mop so Mrs. Woods can clean this up?”

“I won’t!” Lydia shouted at her. “It’s my room and I won’t clean it up.”

“Then I’d be careful where I walked, so I didn’t cut my feet on the glass.”

“I hate you.” When Tess didn’t even wince, Lydia shouted it more loudly. “I hate you! Did you hear me?”

“Yes, I hear you very well. But I wonder if you’re shouting at me, Lydia, or yourself.”

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Her hand worked up and down like a jack hammer to crush out her cigarette. “You come in here week after week with your smug self-righteous looks and your pretty, upscale suits and wait for me to strip my soul. Well, I won’t. Do you think I want to talk to some ice maiden who has her life all worked out? Miss Perfect Society who treats basket cases as a hobby then goes to her just-so home and forgets about them.”

“I don’t forget about them, Lydia.”

Tess’s voice was quiet, a direct contrast, but in the hall, Ben heard it.

“You make me sick.” Lydia heaved herself off the bed for the first time that day. “I can’t stand the sight of you with your Italian shoes and little gold pins and that ‘I never sweat’ perfection.”

“I’m not perfect, Lydia, none of us is. None of us has to be to earn love and respect.”

The tears started, but Tess didn’t rise to offer comfort. It wasn’t time. “What do you know about mistakes? What the hell do you know about how I lived? Dammit, I made things work, I did.”

“Yes, you did. But nothing works forever if you refuse to allow for flaws.”

“I was as good as you. I was better. I had clothes like yours, and a home. I hate you for coming in here and reminding me. Get out. Just get out and leave me alone.”

“All right.” Tess rose, taking the file with her. “I’ll be back next week. Sooner, if you ask for me.” She walked to the door and turned. “You still have a home, Lydia.” The nurse stood in the doorway, holding the dustpan and mop. Tess took them and set them against the inside wall. “I’ll have them send down a fresh vase for those flowers.”

Tess walked out the door and shut her eyes a moment. That kind of violent dislike, even when it came from illness and not from the heart, was never easy to take.

“Doc?”

Tess shook herself back and opened her eyes. Ben was there, a few steps away. “You’re early.”

“Yeah.” He came to her and wrapped a hand around her arm. “What the hell are you doing in a place like this?”

“My job. You’ll have to wait a minute. I have to enter some things in this file.” She walked down to the nurses’ station, checked her watch, and began to write.

Ben watched her. Right now she seemed totally unaffected by the nasty little scene he’d overheard. Her face was calm as she wrote in what he was sure was a very professional hand. But he’d seen that one quick unguarded moment when she’d stepped into the hall. Not unaffected, but impossibly controlled. He didn’t like it, just as he didn’t like this place with its clean white walls and blank, miserable faces.

She handed the file back to the nurse, in an undertone said a few things he assumed referred to the woman who’d just berated her, then glanced at her watch again.

“I’m sorry you had to wait,” Tess said when she came back. “I have to get my coat. Why don’t you meet me outside?”

When she came out, he was standing at the edge of the grass, smoking steadily. “You never gave me a chance on the phone to tell you I didn’t want you to bother with all this. I’ve been getting myself to and from the clinic for a long time.”

He dropped the cigarette and carefully crushed it. “Why did you take all that crap from her?”

Tess drew a long breath before she linked her arm with his. “Where are you parked?”

“That’s psychiatrist shit, answering questions with questions.”

“Yes. Yes, it is. Look, if she didn’t attack me, I wouldn’t be doing my job. It’s the first time we’ve really gotten anywhere since I’ve started seeing her. Now, where are you parked? It’s cold.”

“Over here.” More than happy to leave the clinic behind, he began to walk with her. “He called you again.”

“Yes, right after you did.” She wanted badly to treat that with the same professional ease she had the patients in the clinic. “Were they able to trace it?”

“Narrowed it down to a couple blocks. No one saw anything. We’re still working on it.”

“His Laura is dead.”

“I figured that much out.” He put his hand on the car door, then released it again. “The same way I figured out you’re his next target.”

She didn’t grow pale or shudder. He hadn’t expected her to. She simply nodded, accepting, then put her hand on his arm. “Would you do me a favor?”

“I can give it a shot.”

“Let’s not talk about it tonight. At all.”

“Tess-”

“Please. I have to go to the station with you tomorrow and meet with Captain Harris. Isn’t that soon enough to hash all this over?”

He put cold, ungloved hands on her face. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I don’t care what I have to do.”