Tom Wolfe - I Am Charlotte Simmons

They could hear the dollies rolling out in the hallway and the young men in the mauve DUPONT T-shirts grunting and occasionally swearing under their breath as they bulled their loads through the sprawling dump of boxes. At one point, there was the unmistakable shriek of two girls thrilled by the fact that they had run into each other. That gave Charlotte a hollow feeling. It hadn’t occurred to her that there might be entering freshmen who already…had friends. From somewhere down near the elevator a boy exclaimed, “Gotcha! Who’s your daddy?” Came the reply: “Oh, man, ‘Who’s your daddy.’ How completely douche-baggy is that?” Then a woman’s mannered voice: “Kindly spare us your…‘colorful’ terminology, Aaron.” Charlotte could tell by the boys’ stressed voices that they were trying to assert themselves as manly and cool purely out of a nervous fear that the other males in this dorm might think they weren’t.

By and by, she heard a girl talking out in the hall near the door, apparently to herself: “Edgerton. We just got here. Eeeeeeyew, there’s like trash all over the place, and they’ve got this like big plastic garbage can—are they all like this? This one’s beat up and busted, if you ask me…” The voice was coming closer. “Ummmm, we did…He’s cute…Ken, I think, but it could’ve been Kim. Would they name a boy Kim?…I can’t just walk up and say, ‘So, what’s your name?’…Ummmm, I don’t really think so…” Now the voice was just outside the door. “Fresh meat?”

In the doorway appeared a tall girl with a cell phone to her ear, a canvas sling over her shoulder…a girl so tall and thin that Charlotte thought she must be a model from a magazine!…long, full, straight brown hair with blond streaks…big blue eyes set in a perfectly suntanned face…but a terribly thin face, now that Charlotte got a better look, so thin it made her nose and her chin look too big, giving her a slightly horsey look. A long, terribly thin neck rose up out of a pale, chalky blue T-shirt…even Charlotte could tell it was one of those fine cottons, like lisle…hanging outside a pair of khaki shorts…perfectly tanned, long, long, oh-so-slender legs…so slender they made her knees seem too big…just as her elbows seemed too big for her awfully skinny arms. Still on the cell phone, she kept her eyes cast down at some nonexistent point in midair without so much as a glance inside the room…a mock grimace, and she said, “Eeeeeeyew, that’s gross, Amanda! Fresh meat.”

Then she looked up, saw Charlotte, Momma, and Daddy, and—the cell phone still at her ear—opened her eyes wide as if in surprise, gave them a big smile, and made a little fluttering gesture with her other hand. Then she cast her eyes down again, as if drawing a curtain, and said into the cell phone:

“Amanda—Amanda—Amanda—I’m sorry, I have to go now. I’m at my room…Uh hunh, exactly. Call me later. Bye.”

With that, she pushed a button on the cell phone, slipped it into the canvas bag, and beamed another big smile toward Momma, Daddy, and Charlotte.

“Hi! I’m sorry! I hate these phones! I’m Beverly. Charlotte?”

Charlotte said hello and managed a smile, but she was already intimidated. This girl was so confident and poised. Somehow she immediately took over the room. And she already had a friend at Dupont, apparently. They shook hands, and Charlotte said in a timid voice, “These are my folks.”

The girl directed her smile toward Daddy, looked him right in the eye, extended her hand, and said, “Hi, Mr. Simmons.”

Daddy opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He just nodded deferentially and shook her hand…limply, Charlotte could tell, and she could feel shame weighing down her confidence. Oh God, the mermaid! Charlotte thought she saw the girl flick a glance at Daddy’s forearm…When he took her hand, it disappeared inside his. What does that big callused hand feel like to her?

The girl turned to Momma. “Hi, Mrs. Simmons.”

Momma wasn’t at all intimidated. She shook the girl’s hand and sang out, “Well, hi there, Beverly! It’s real nice to meet you! We been looking forward to it!”

A woman’s voice: “That says five sixteen, doesn’t it?” Everyone turned toward the doorway.

In came a middle-aged woman with a lot of pineapple blond hair teased and fluffed and brushed back in a certain way, followed by a tall, balding man, also middle-aged. The woman wore a simple sleeveless dress that came down to just above her knees. The man had on a white open-necked polo shirt, revealing the puffy onset of jowls, and a pair of khakis and some sort of leather moccasins—and no socks. Behind them, in came one of the young men in the mauve T-shirts…rather handsome…carefully pushing a dolly over the threshold. There must have been a ton of stuff on it, piled six or seven feet high.

“Mummy,” said the girl, “come meet the Simmonses. Dad…”

With a big, friendly smile the man came over to Daddy and shook hands—Charlotte could have sworn that he, too, took a quick look at the mermaid—and said, “Hey! How are you? Jeff Amory!”

“Billy,” said Daddy. That was all he said: “Billy.” Charlotte was mortified. The man shot a glance at Daddy’s gray work pants. Charlotte shot a glance at Mr. Amory’s khakis and at Mrs. Amory’s dress. To a girl from Mars, or Sparta, North Carolina, they were dressed essentially the same as her parents. So what was it about them—

Mr. Amory was greeting Momma, saying, “How are you? Jeff Amory!” Then he turned to Charlotte, pulled his head back, beamed a big smile, opened his arms as if coming across a long-lost friend, and said, “Well—you must be Charlotte!”

Charlotte couldn’t think of what on earth to say, and so she just said, “Yes, sir,” and felt like a child.

“This is quite a day,” said Mr. Amory. “Are you ready for all this?” He swept his hand toward the windows, as if to take in the whole campus.

“I think so,” said Charlotte. “I hope so.” Why couldn’t she come up with anything more than this juvenile politeness?

“When I was starting out as a freshman here—”

“In the Dark Ages,” said his daughter.

“Oh, thank you, dear. See what a respectful roommate you have, Charlotte? Anyway, as I recall”—he aimed a wry smile at his daughter—“through the fog of my Alzheimer’s onset”—he beamed once more at Charlotte—“is that it’s big, or it seemed big to me at the time, but you really get used to the place very quickly.”

Beverly’s mother was saying to Daddy, “How do you do? Valerie Amory. It’s so nice to meet you. When did you arrive?”

Before Daddy could say anything, Mr. Amory said, “Oh, brother. Let’s see where we’re gonna put all these things.”

He had turned around and was talking to the young man who was tending the dolly…tall, slender, athletic looking…sun-bleached brown hair brushed down just slightly over his forehead. Charlotte took in every detail. The dolly bore an enormous heap of…stuff.

Mrs. Amory was greeting Momma. She took her hand and said, “Mrs. Simmons…” with a smile, a deep look into the eyes, and an inflection that bespoke a sympathetic if inexplicable confidentiality. “Valerie Amory. This is such a pleasure.”

“Why, thank you, Valerie,” said Momma, “it’s just real nice to git the chance to meet you all! And you can call me Lizbeth. Most everbuddy does.”

Out the corner of her eye, Charlotte caught, or thought she caught, Beverly staring at her waist-high denim shorts.

“Beverly,” Mr. Amory said, “you sure you didn’t for get anything?” He stared at the mound of things on the dolly and shook his head and then smiled at Momma and Daddy. He surveyed the room and said to his daughter, “Where do you think you’re gonna put all this?”