Mingmei Yip - Petals from the Sky

“But this is only the third time you have seen me.” I tried to act calm, but my heart was beating like a door frantically knocked upon by a debt collector.

“Time is irrelevant,” he said, then pulled me close to him.

“Philip, please don’t…”

“Shhh…be quiet.” In no time, he sealed my lips with his. His hands held my waist tight. Then he pulled my whole body against his, warm like an oven.

I felt his body heat gradually penetrating my clothes, my skin, then trying to grope its way into my heart. His kisses, like the lava of a volcano, melted my lips. I felt my body plunging right into this dark, fiery pit of passion and danger.

Suddenly a sadness hit me so hard that I pushed him away. I started to weep, then sobbed involuntarily. My whole body shook like a tiny boat in a merciless storm.

Finally Philip let go of me. “Meng Ning, I’m so sorry. Are you all right?”

I shook my head.

“Did I…offend you?”

“I don’t know. Philip, I’m just engaged to Michael and now I feel strongly attracted to you. That’s not right!”

“Love has nothing to do with being right or wrong.” He tilted my chin and his penetrating eyes peered into mine; their expansiveness reminded me of the vast blue sky, the fathomless ocean. His voice was soft and tender like a feather. “Do you love Michael?”

I remained silent, overwhelmed by his mere presence and desire.

“If you don’t, feel free to love me. I’m all yours.” He kissed my hand, then pressed it against his chest. “Feel my heart, Meng Ning. It’s beating for you.”

“Philip, just let me go home.”

He kept staring at me, but didn’t say a word.

“Please, Philip.”

He pulled my face close to his. “Meng Ning, look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me.”

“Sorry, but I…can’t. I’m very confused. I should’ve stayed with Yi Kong and been a nun!”

“No, you’re not going to be a nun,” Philip said, starting to kiss me again.

I had to use sheer willpower to push him and my desire away. “Please, Philip, I really have to go home.”

“All right, if that’s what you really want.” He planted a kiss on my forehead, stood up abruptly, and held his hand out to help me up.

The next day I woke up late with a splitting headache, dry lips, and aching all over my body. Scenes from last night with Philip kept spinning in my head. I tried to listen to music, read, and meditate. But nothing worked. Philip’s hot kisses still seemed to linger on my lips, melting my heart and my body. Was I betraying Michael? Did I make the right choice to be his fiancée, or should I return to Hong Kong to take refuge with Yi Kong? How could I be attracted to another man so quickly? Was I becoming a slut?

The air felt a bit chilly and I rubbed my arms. The Guan Yin pendant that I’d laid down on the sofa now seemed to be smiling at me, whether at my misgivings or ignorance I could not tell. This was the amulet that Yi Kong had dropped down to me in the well seventeen years before. Then the Goddess of Mercy had come toward me in the subterranean darkness, riding on a fish. I had found peace of mind for the first time in her spiritual presence, amidst the stink of rotten vegetation and mildew. Later in Golden Lotus Temple, I had admired the nuns’ kind faces and compassionate deeds…

I felt an impulse to bare my thoughts and pour my soul out to a female. Since the Goddess of Mercy was, after all, but a gold-plated miniature painting, I needed a woman friend to turn to, but I had none here except…

When Lisa opened the door, I felt instantly soothed by the fragrance of wild ginger flower. Her face, framed by the half-closed door with the light flooding at her back, looked soft and inviting. I followed her inside her apartment as if in a trance.

“Make yourself at home, Meng Ning. I’m going to get us something to drink.”

I looked around. The walls were painted white and the floor partly covered by dark green, intricately patterned rugs. The furniture included two bookshelves, a coffee table, and a reddish-brown wooden chest with bronze drawer handles. The feeling of simplicity and cleanliness pleased me. But what caught my attention were the paintings covering the main wall. They were huge, and I could now feel the strong yet disturbing energy emanating from the many circles and lines. Though impressive, somehow the whole effect still didn’t look quite right to me. Was Lisa deliberately striving for confusion?

“Lisa, your paintings are very…powerful,” I said, lowering myself onto the sofa next to a large window.

“Thanks.” She was busy with the refrigerator in the small kitchen, her dress straining at her hips. Then she came to put down on the coffee table a tray with two glasses and handed me one.

“It’s your Coke-with a squirt of rum in it.”

She sat down on the sofa opposite me and crossed her legs. Her toenails, painted a phosphorescent bronze, gave out a few sparks as she flicked her toes. The silver filigreed ankle bracelets twinkled in response.

It had started to rain outside. We sipped our drinks in silence while I studied her-the tawny motes flickering in her dark amber eyes, the curves of her long lashes matching those of her nose. I had always been fascinated by women, though my feelings were not at all erotic.

The beautiful female sex.

I never have thought that beauty is merely skin deep. I was sure even Yi Kong, as a nun, agreed. The novices she’d picked to be around her were all pretty. Not to mention her exquisite art collection. Beauty always whispers mystery, and how can mystery just be on the surface? Maybe that was the reason I was now attracted to Philip?

Lisa looked at me curiously. “Meng Ning, what is it? Please tell me.”

“Hmmm…just a bit confused, so I need someone to talk to.”

“So, what’s your problem, a fight with Michael because of me?”

I remained silent.

“Meng Ning, you should open yourself more to the world. And to men, too.”

Did she already know what had happened between me and Philip last night?

“Are you mad that I was Michael’s fiancée?”

I shook my head. “No, there’s something else on my mind.”

“You’ve been sheltered too long by the nuns, and now by Michael. That’s not healthy.”

“What do you mean?”

She stood up and came to sit down next to me. Then her hand started to stroke my hair, tenderly, as if I were her little sister. The rhythmic touches were soothing, almost hypnotic.

“You’re a very attractive woman, so I think maybe you should date other men besides Michael. You know, now Asian women are hot among American men. What do you think about Philip?”

My heart started to pound. I blurted out, “Do you already know what happened yesterday?”

“You mean you already had sex with Philip?” She didn’t look surprised, but amused.

“Oh no, not like that, but…” I took a big gulp of my drink.

Suddenly I noticed Lisa’s hand had already moved from my hair down to my collar bone, then shoulder. Now she leaned her face very close to mine, staring at me long and hard. “Tell me, Meng Ning, do you think sex is bad?”

“No, hmmm…” I put down the glass.

“It’s nothing wrong, right?” She tapped her head. “It’s only wrong in people’s heads.”

Seeing that I didn’t respond, she continued. “Even Buddhism teaches that sex is good. For Tibetans, sex is the way to enlightenment.”

She refilled my drink. “When you come, there’s no place for the mind, only the experiencing of the moment. There’s no separation-you become truly one with your partner.” She went on, a mischievous smile on her face. “The guy is famous for seducing reluctant women and giving them unprecedented pleasure.”