Doris Lessing - Doris Lessing

Alice glanced quietly into Jim's room. He was asleep.

She then went into the kitchen and wrote a letter to her mother, which she would have ready for Monica Winters, who would certainly be turning up here in the next day or two.

While she was doing this, within a few minutes of one another came Jasper, then Pat and Bert, then Roberta and Faye. The six sat round the table in the kitchen, with an assortment of take-away, which they had brought in separately and would now consume together: pizzas, and fish and chips, and pies. Alice made coffee, set the mugs around, and sat at the head of the table. Her happiness because of this scene was so strong she closed her eyes so that it would not beam out in great mellow streams and betray her to the sternness of the others.

Bert wanted to know about Jack. Jasper reported. The glances exchanged by Faye and Roberta told Alice that trouble would ensue.

It did. Faye demanded, in her pert, pretty way that did nothing to hide her seriousness, why all these plans had been made without a meeting to get everyone's approval? Pat said she agreed: Jasper had no right to take it on himself....

This, Alice knew, was partly directed at Bert, who had been Jasper's accomplice.

Jasper, and then Bert, said that no one was being committed to anything. All that was planned was a quick, exploratory trip to Ireland, to meet a representative of the IRA, and to offer cooperation with a group here.

"A group of what?" demanded Faye, showing her pretty little teeth.

"Yes," said Pat, though with a little edge of humour that told Alice it would be all right, "are we still committing all the vast resources of the CCU, or only ourselves?"

Alice saw that Roberta would have laughed at this, had Faye's mood permitted it.

Bert, because he wanted to reinstate himself with Pat, took command and, his white teeth showing in the thickets of his beard while he offered a steady, responsible, forceful smile, said, "I can appreciate the comrades' reservations. But in the nature of things" - and here he twisted his red lips to signal and to share with them the perspectives of this operation - "certain approaches have to be tentative and even, apparently, ad hoc. After all, the meeting with Jack was fortuitous. It was chance, and became productive, thanks to Comrade Jasper. It was he who made the first approaches...." Alice could see that it was not going to be easy for any of them to admit obligation to Jasper, even though he was being correctly impersonal, sitting somewhat to one side of the scene, waiting for their approval, the image of a responsible cadre.

But just then there was a sound in the hall, the door to outside shut, and Jasper, jumping up to look, reported it was Philip going down the street. The fact that he had not come into the kitchen meant he felt unwanted, and this brought Faye in with, "And there is no place we can talk in this house now. Alice has seen to that."

Pat said quickly, "Well, we can go next door. But surely it is all right for a few minutes here."

"And then Jim will come in. Why not?" demanded Faye sweetly. " 'Oh Jim,' we can say, 'we are just having a little chat about the IRA.' "

"Or Mary and Reggie," said Roberta, allying herself with Faye out of love. Actually, as the others knew, she agreed with them, did not need the furious condemnation that Faye had to use as a fuel to keep going.

"Why don't we just agree, quickly, now, to one or two basics," said Pat. "There isn't very much to discuss, is there?"

"No," said Faye. "I'm serious about it, if no one else is." And with petulant little movements of her lips and eyes, she challenged them; then reached for a cigarette, and lit it, and blew out thick smoke in irritation.

And, to support her, came sounds from the hall: Mary and Reggie, who, full of talk and laughter, opened the door of the kitchen and were silent. With no reason not to come in - since it was the spirit of the house that people should sit around the kitchen table talking - they seemed to sense a unity, to know they were not wanted. Smiling politely, they said, "Oh, we were just..." And, in spite of cries of invitation that they should stay - from Alice, from Pat - went off up the stairs.

"Brilliant," said Faye.

"I agree," said Pat. "That wasn't good. Well, I suggest someone nips over next door to see if we can borrow a room - that is, if it is felt that we need actually to discuss anything more."

"I need to discuss a good deal," said Faye.

Jasper went, was gone it seemed only for a minute, came back to say that they would be welcome.

He returned next door at once. Then Alice went, and Bert and Pat. Then Faye and Roberta.

The goose-girl admitted them, indicating a room at the top of the stairs - the same as that which in their house was inhabited by Jasper and Alice. It had been a nursery, and had lambs, ducks, Mickey Mouses, humorous dinosaurs, coy robots, witches on broomsticks, and the other necessities of the middle-class child's bedroom.

"Christ," said Faye violently, "what utter bloody shit," and she even held out her pretty hands, clawed to show slender nails painted bright red, as if she would scratch the pictures off the walls. She smiled, however, if you could call it a smile.

It turned out that, after all, there was nothing much more to be said.

What was evident was that they had all expected Comrade Andrew to join them, even Alice, who knew he disapproved. Of what, exactly, she wondered now? Of the IRA? No, of course not. Of working with the IRA? How could he? Then, it must be, of them, this group, approaching the Irish comrades in this way. Or this group. Period.

But not of her, Alice. He approved of her. Secretly warmed, supported by this thought, which she could share with no one at all, Alice sat reticent, watching the "meeting" develop, seeing on Jasper's and Bert's faces how they longed to hear steps, hear a knock, hear, "May I join you, comrades?"

But nothing.

It was reiterated that Bert and Jasper would make the trip purely as a reconnaissance. They could find out what kind of support the Irish comrades would accept. This being found somewhat lukewarm, somewhat unsatisfying and unsatisfactory, the formulation was amended and became: that Bert and Jasper were empowered by those present to offer support to the Irish revolutionaries, and ask to be given concrete tasks.

They did not linger. No one was comfortable in this former nursery, which had the ghosts of privileged children - of loved children? - so strongly in it.

Quickly they finished, and left, severally going back to number 43. Roberta and Faye went away to the pictures. They liked violent, even pornographic films, and there was one at the local cinema. The other four found Mary and Reggie in the kitchen, eating properly off plates. The mess of pizza fragments, uneaten chips, beer cans, papers had been swept into the litter bin.

Mary and Reggie said, "Do sit down and join us," but just as the six had repelled Mary and Reggie, so now did Mary and Reggie seem surrounded by an invisible current: Keep off. Well, thought Alice, they are probably still sulky about last night. I did go too far, I suppose. Well, let them.

With many smiles and good-nights, the four went upstairs, and another meeting took place in the newly painted room, where they sat on the floor and discussed the new problem posed by Faye and Roberta, who did not like Comrade Andrew's role in their affairs. That was why they had hoped he would drop in on the meeting next door. "Who was Comrade Andrew?" they had wanted to know. By the time the four had finished critically discussing the two women, they were a warm, close unit, comrades to the death. And yet Alice kept thinking that Pat, no matter how committed she sounded now, did not really stand by Bert. The attractive, lively girl, affectionate and easy with Bert after their weekend away together, presumably alone, did not convince Alice. Glossy cherry lips and shining cheeks would be pressed to Bert's sensual red lips, and then doubtless all those white teeth would clash and nip, all that bushy black hair of Bert's... But nevertheless, thought Alice, nevertheless... And Pat very much did not like Bert's going with Jasper to Ireland. She did not like Jasper. This wasn't a unit at all, only seemed like one, and Alice sat inwardly separated, thinking that Pat probably felt the same.