Winston Groom: Gump & Company

“Knowledge!” he shouts again. “And here it is!”

He unfolded a big color-poster-size sheet of paper an begun pointin out the various forms of knowledge, which are printed on it. They is pictures of dinosaurs an ships an farm crops an big cities. They is even pictures of outer space an rocket ships, of TVs an radios an cars, an I don’t know what-all else.

“This is the opportunity of a lifetime!” he hollers. “To bring all this knowledge into people’s homes!”

“Wait a minute,” somebody ast. “Does this have anything to do with selling encyclopedias?”

“Certainly not,” the man answers, sort of hurt like.

“Well, it looks like it does to me,” the feller says. “If it’s not selling encyclopedias, what the hell is it?”

“We do not sell encyclopedias!” the man replies. “We place encyclopedias in people’s homes.”

“Then it is about selling encyclopedias!” the first man shouts.

“With an attitude like that, I don’t think you should be here,” said the feller. “Leave us now, so the others can be informed.”

“Damn right I’ll leave,” says the first man, walkin out. “I got roped into sellin encyclopedias one time before, an it’s a total bunch of bullshit.”

“Nevertheless!” hollers the feller in the white suit, “you will be sorry when all these other guys are rich and famous.” An he slammed the door so hard the room shook an I was afraid the doorknob might of hit the first man in the asshole.

It took us about a week to go through our “trainin” period. This consisted of havin to learn a long speech, word for word, about how good the encyclopedias we was sellin was. Book of Worldwide Information was what they was called. Our instructor was the feller in the white suit, who was also the regional sales manager for the encyclopedia company. Mister Trusswell was his name, but he told us to just call him Slim.

Like Slim said, we was not goin out there to sell encyclopedias. We was gonna place them in people’s homes. Actually, the deal was this: We gave the people the encyclopedias for free, provided that they would sign a contract agreeing to buy a new two-hundrit-and-fifty-dollar annual yearbook ever year for the rest of their lives. In this way the people got their free set of encyclopedias an the company got about ten thousan dollars for sellin the yearbooks, which cost about five dollars apiece to print. I would get fifteen percent of ever contract I made. An Slim got five percent of that. Now, how could anybody lose on a deal like this?

It was on a Monday when we was given our first assignments. We was tole to wear a coat an tie an be sure to get shaved an clean under our fingernails. An there was to be no drinkin on the job, either. We reported to the motel, an there was a big ole flatbed truck waitin for us. Slim herded us on board like cattle, an away we went.

“Now, listen up,” Slim says. “Each of you is gonna get dropped off in a neighborhood. What I want you to look for is children’s toys—swings, sandboxes, tricycles—that kind of shit. We want to sell these things to young parents! That way, they got longer to have to pay for the annual yearbook! You don’t see no children or children’s toys outside, don’t waste your time!”

So that’s what we did. Everbody, me included, got dropped off in some neighborhood. They wadn’t very nice neighborhoods, either, but Slim says that’s okay, cause people in nice neighborhoods is probly too smart to fall for the kind of scam we is tryin to pull. Anyhow, first house I see with a set of children’s swings, I go up an knock on the door. A woman answers an opens the screen door. Immediately I stick my foot in it, like I have been tole to do.

“M’am,” I says, “you got a minute?”

“Do I look like I got a minute?” she answers. Her hair is up in curlers an she is wearin a nightgown, an they is all sorts of racket comin from the little kids in the backgroun.

“I want to talk to you about the future of your children,” I says, which is part of the rehearsed speech.

“What is your interest in my children?” she asts, sort of suspiciously.

“They are badly in need of knowledge,” I answers.

“What are you, one of those religious nuts?” she says.

“No, m’am, I am here to make a free gift to your home of the world’s best encyclopedias.”

“Encyclopedias! Ha,” she says. “Do I look like I can afford to buy encyclopedias?”

I could see her point, but anyhow, I went on with the speech: “M’am, as I have said, I’m not astin you to buy encyclopedias. I am gonna place them in your home.”

“What do you mean— loan them to me?”

“Not exactly,” I says. “If I could just come in for a minute...”

So she let me in an set me down in the livin room. Slim had done tole us if we got this far, we was almost home free! I opened my kit an begun explainin everthin to her, just like Slim had said to do. The speech was about fifteen minutes long, an she just looked an listened. Three little kids about the age of little Forrest come in an begun crawlin all over her. When I am through, she bust into tears.

“Oh, Mr. Gump,” she says. “I wish I could afford them encyclopedias. But I just can’t.” An then she begun to tell me her sad tale. Her husband done run off with a younger woman an left her without a cent. She lost her job as a diner cook cause she fell asleep from overwork fryin eggs an ruint the griddle. The power company done shut down her electricity, an the phone company is about to do the same. She also got to have a operation but can’t afford it, an the kids is hungry half the time. That night the landlord is comin around to collect the fifty-dollar rent an she ain’t got it, so she’s about to be thowed out of her house. An there is a bunch of other stuff, too, but you get the gist of it.

Anyhow, I done loaned her the fifty bucks an got out of there. Man, she was pitiful.

All that day I done knocked on doors. Most people wouldn’t even let me in. About half of them says they have already been taken by other encyclopedia salesmen, an they was the unhappiest ones of all. Four or five slammed the door in my face, an somebody sicced a big ole ugly dog on me. By late that afternoon, when Slim’s truck pulled up to haul us off, I was exhausted an discouraged.

“Now, don’t none of you worry about this first day,” Slim says. “First day’s always the hardest. Just think, if any of you had sold just one of them contracts, you would be a thousand dollars richer. It don’t take but one, an I guarantee you there is plenty of suckers out there.” Then he turns to me.

“Gump,” he says, “I been watchin you. You got energy boy! An charm, too. You just need a little practice with an expert! An I am the man to show you. Tomorrow mornin, you are comin along with me!”

That night when I got back to Mrs. Curran’s, I didn’t even feel like eatin no supper. Here I was, a great “Promotional Representative,” fifty bucks poorer an got nothin to show for it but thinner shoe soles an a hole in my pants where the dog got me.

Little Forrest was playin on the livin room floor, an ast me where I been.

“Sellin encyclopedias,” I said.

“What kind of encyclopedias?”

An so I showed him. I did just what I was tole to do. I gave my whole speech, openin out the folder with all the pictures an layin down the samples of the encyclopedias an yearbooks. When I was finished, he looked at one of the books an says, “This is a bunch of shit.”

“What is that?” I said. “Who taught you to talk that way?”

“Sometimes my mama would say that,” he replied.

“Well, it ain’t no proper way for a seven-year-ole boy to be talkin,” I says. “Besides, why you call my books that?”