Roberto Bolaño - The Savage Detectives

"So what were you doing with this Paco Duarte?" I said.

"Nothing, really. I met him once on the street and since he couldn't come to me and I couldn't go to his house because he's married to a gringa, I'd go see him at the dance school. Anyway, I think that was what he liked, the scumbag. Fucking me in his office."

"And your pimp let you go that far out of your zone?" I said.

"My zone ? What do you know about my zone ? And who said I have a pimp?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. It's just that a minute ago María said your pimp was the violent type, didn't she?"

"I don't have a pimp. You think just because I'm talking to you, you have the right to insult me?"

"Calm down, Lupe. No one's being insulted," said María.

"This dickhead insulted my man," said Lupe. "If he hears you he'll show you. Little punk. He'll take you down in a second. I bet you wish you could suck my man's dick."

"Hey, I'm not a homosexual."

"All of María's friends are faggots, everybody knows that."

"Lupe, leave my friends alone. When Lupe was sick," María said to me, "Ernesto and I took her to the hospital. It's amazing how quickly some people forget a favor."

"Ernesto San Epifanio?" I said.

"Yes," said María.

"Did he take dance lessons too?"

"He used to," said María.

"Oh, Ernesto, I have such good memories of him. I remember he lifted me up all by himself and put me in a taxi. Ernesto is a faggot," Lupe explained to me, "but he's strong."

"It wasn't Ernesto who got you into the taxi, stupid, it was me," said María.

"That night I thought I was going to die," said Lupe. "I was fucked up and suddenly I felt sick and I was vomiting blood. Buckets of blood. Deep down, I don't think I would have cared if I did die. I was just remembering my son and my broken promise and the Virgen de Guadalupe. I'd been drinking until the moon came up, little by little, and since I didn't feel good, that dwarf girl you saw gave me some Flexo. That was my big mistake. The cement must have gone bad or I was already sick, but whatever it was, I started to die on a bench on the Plaza San Fernando and that was when my friend here showed up with her partner the faggot angel."

"Lupe, you have a son?"

"My son died," said Lupe, fixing me with her gaze.

"But how old are you, then?"

Lupe smiled at me. Her smile was big and pretty. "How old do you think I am?"

I was afraid to guess, and I didn't say anything. María put her arm around Lupe's shoulders. The two of them looked at each other and smiled or winked, I'm not sure which.

"A year younger than María. Eighteen."

"We're both Leos," said María.

"What sign are you?" said Lupe.

"I don't know. I've never paid much attention to that kind of thing, to tell the truth."

"Well, then you're the only person in Mexico who doesn't know his own sign," said Lupe.

"What month were you born, García Madero?" said María.

"January, the sixth of January."

"You're a Capricorn, like Ulises Lima."

" The Ulises Lima?" Lupe said.

I asked her whether she knew him, afraid they would tell me that Ulises Lima went to the dance school too. For a microsecond, I saw myself dancing on tiptoe in an empty gym. But Lupe said she had only heard about him, that María and Ernesto San Epifanio talked about him a lot.

Then Lupe started to talk about her dead son. The baby was four months old when he died. He was born sick, and Lupe had promised the Virgin that she would stop working if her son recovered. She kept her promise for the first three months, and according to her the baby seemed to be getting better. But in the fourth month she had to start working again and he died. She said the Virgin took him away because she didn't keep her word. Lupe was living in a building on Paraguay at the time, near the Plaza de Santa Catarina, and she would leave the baby with an old woman who took care of him at night. One morning, when she got back, they told her that her son was dead. And that was it.

"It isn't your fault," said María. "Don't be superstitious."

"How can it not be my fault? Who broke her promise? Who said that she was going to change her life and didn't?"

"Then why didn't the Virgin kill you instead of your son?"

"The Virgin didn't kill my son," said Lupe. "She took him away, which is a whole different thing. She punished me by leaving me on my own, and she took him away to a better life."

"Oh, well, if that's how you see it, then what's the problem?"

"Of course, that solves everything," I said. "And when did you meet each other, before or after the baby?"

"After," said María, "when this girl here was running wild. Lupe, I think you wanted to die."

"If it hadn't been for Alberto, I would have called it quits," said Lupe with a sigh.

"Alberto is your… boyfriend, I guess," I said. "Do you know him?" I asked María, and she nodded her head yes.

"He's her pimp," said María.

"But he's got a bigger dick than your little friend," said Lupe.

"Are you referring to me?" I said.

María laughed. "Of course she's referring to you, stupid."

I turned red and then I laughed. María and Lupe laughed too.

"How big is Alberto?" said María.

"As big as his knife."

"And how big is his knife?" said María.

"Like this."

"That's ridiculous," I said, although I should have changed the subject. Trying to fix the unfixable, I said: "There aren't any knives that big." I felt worse.

" Ay, mana , how are you so sure about the knife thing?" said María.

"He's had the knife since he was fifteen, a hooker from La Bondojo gave it to him, some girl who died."

"But have you measured his thing with the knife or are you just guessing?"

"A knife that big gets in the way," I persisted.

"He measures it. I don't need to measure it, what do I care? He measures it himself and he measures it all the time, once a day at least, to make sure it hasn't gotten any smaller, he says."

"Is he afraid his weenie will shrink?" said María.

"Alberto isn't afraid of anything. I'm telling you, he's bad."

"Then why the knife? Honestly, I don't understand it," said María. "Plus, hasn't he ever cut himself?"

"A few times, always on purpose. He's good with the knife."

"Are you telling me that your pimp cuts himself on the penis sometimes for fun?" said María.

"That's right."

"I can't believe it."

"It's the truth. Just every once in a while, it's not like he does it every day. Only when he's nervous. Or fucked up. But the measuring thing he does all the time. He's says it's good for his manhood. He says it's a habit he learned inside."

"He sounds like a fucking psychopath," said María.

"You're just too high class, mana . You don't understand. Anyway, what's wrong with it? All these stupid men are always measuring their dicks. Mine does it for real. And with a knife. Also, it's the knife he got from his first girlfriend, who was almost like a mother to him."

"And is it really that big?"

María and Lupe laughed. In my mind, Alberto kept growing and getting tougher the more they talked. I had stopped wanting him to show up, or to risk my life for the girls.

"Once, in Azcapotzalco, there was this blow-job contest in a club, and this one slut always won. No one could get her mouth around all the dicks she could swallow. Then Alberto got up from the table where we were sitting and said wait a minute, I've got some business to take care of. The people who were at our table said that's the way, Alberto, you could tell they knew him. Inside, I was thinking the poor girl was already finished. Alberto stood in the middle of the floor, pulled out his huge dick, stroked it into action, and stuck it in the champion's mouth. She really was tough, and she gave it her best shot. She took it little by little and everyone was gasping in astonishment. Then Alberto grabbed her by the ears and pushed his dick all the way in. No time like the present, he said, and everybody laughed. Even I laughed, although the truth is I felt embarrassed too, and a little bit jealous. For the first few seconds it looked like the girl was going to do it, but then she choked and started to suffocate…"