Kody Keplinger - The DUFF - Designated Ugly Fat Friend

“Because this isn’t working for me anymore,” I said, sticking with the traditional lines I’d heard in movies. They were classics for a reason, after all. “I just don’t think this”-I gestured between us-“is in my, uh… either of our best interests.”

Wesley narrowed his eyes at me. “Bianca, does this have something to do with what happened last night?” he asked seriously. “If so, I want you to know that you don’t have to worry about-”

“That’s not it.”

“What, then? You’re not making sense.”

I stared at my shoes. The rubber edges were starting to peel, but the bright red fabric of the Converse hadn’t faded at all. Bright red. “I’m like Hester,” I whispered, more to myself than to Wesley.

“What?”

I looked up at him, surprised he’d heard me. “I’m like…” I shook my head. “Nothing. We’re done. I’m done.”

“Bianca-”

Two quick honks from the driveway saved me.

“I-I have to go.”

I was so focused on getting the hell out of that house that I didn’t hear the words Wesley yelled after me. His voice simply faded into the distance, where I hoped to leave him forever.

Casey revved the engine as I climbed into her mother’s ancient pickup truck. Miss Waller (formerly Mrs. Blithe; she went back to her maiden name after the divorce) could have had a much nicer vehicle. Back when she was married to Casey’s dad, they’d had plenty of money. Mr. Blithe had offered to buy her a Lexus, but she’d refused. She loved the rickety old Chevy, which she’d gotten her junior year of high school. Her daughter, on the other hand, despised it. Especially since it was the only vehicle she got to drive.

Casey definitely wouldn’t have turned her dad’s Lexus down. Unfortunately, Mr. Blithe had lost what generosity he ever possessed after the divorce was finalized.

She was gazing through her windshield at the almost-mansion while I pulled on my seat belt. She had pink pajamas decorated with green frogs on under her jacket, and her short hair stuck up in every direction. Unlike me, Casey could make looking like crap seem cute and sexy. She didn’t even have to try.

“Hi,” I said.

She looked over at me. Her eyes swept across my face-already searching for telltale signs of trouble-and her forehead wrinkled. After a short staring contest, she turned away and put the truck into drive, struggling a little with the stick shift. “Okay,” she said as we pulled out of the driveway. “What’s going on? And don’t tell me things are fine, because I got my ass up at seven a.m., and I might just wring your neck if you don’t give me a real answer.”

“Oh, yes, because resorting to threats always gets me talking.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Casey growled. “You’re just avoiding the subject, which you do a lot. That might work with Jess, but you should know damn well by now that it won’t throw me off one bit. Now explain. Start with why I just picked you up at Wesley’s house.”

“Because I stayed the night.”

“Yeah, I figured that much out on my own.”

I bit my lip, not completely sure why I was still hiding the truth. I mean, it wasn’t as if I could keep the truth from her for much longer. She’d have it pieced together soon enough, so why not just spill it now? Now that Wesley and I were over, anyway. Was lying-or withholding, really-just instinctive now? After all these weeks of secrecy, had I developed a habit?

And if I had, wasn’t it about time to break it?

She sighed and the truck slowed a little. “Tell me the truth, Bianca, because I’m pretty confused right now. Confused and annoyed. Last time I checked, you hated Wesley Rush. And I mean hated.”

“I did,” I said. “I still do… sort of.”

“ ‘Sort of ’? Jesus, stop dancing around the answers. Look, you’ve been ditching Jess and me for weeks. We barely see you anymore because you don’t do shit with us. Jess won’t say it, but she seriously thinks you don’t like us anymore. She’s upset, and I’m pissed because you’ve totally abandoned us. You’re always distracted and zoning out. And you dance around our fucking questions! Damn it, Bianca, give me some answers here… please.” The anger in her voice broke into a small plea of desperation. She lowered her voice. “Please, tell me what’s going on with you.”

My heart ached as guilt wrapped around my chest like a boa constrictor. I let out a long breath, knowing I couldn’t lie anymore. At least not about this. “We’ve been sleeping together.”

“Who? You and Wesley?”

“Yeah.”

“Since when?”

“End of January.”

Casey was quiet for a long moment. Then, after it sank in, she asked, “If you hate him, why have you been hooking up with him?”

“Because… it made me feel better. With all of the drama with my parents and then Jake showing up and all… I just needed to distract myself. I wanted to escape from it all… you know, in a nonsuicidal way. Sleeping with Wesley just seemed like a decent idea at the time.” I stared out the window, not wanting to see the expression on her face. I was sure she’d be disappointed in me. Or, in a sick way, maybe even proud of me.

“So… is that where you’ve been for the past month?” she asked. “Is that why you’ve been bailing on us? You’ve been with Wesley?”

“Yeah,” I murmured. “Every time things got to be too much, he was just there. I could relieve the stress without freaking you or Jessica out. It seemed like a decent idea. Then I was addicted… but it all caught up with me, and now things suck worse than ever.”

“OMG, are you pregnant?”

I gritted my teeth and turned around to face her. “No, Casey, I’m not fucking pregnant.” Was she serious? “God, I’m smart enough to use a condom, and I’ve been on birth control for, like, three freaking years, okay?”

“Okay, okay,” Casey said. “You’re not pregnant… thank God. But if that’s not the problem, why do things suck worse?”

“Well, for one, you’re pissed at me… and I like Wesley.”

“Well, duh, you are screwing him.”

“No, I mean…” I shook my head and turned to look out the window again. The little suburban houses of Hamilton sped past us, simple and clean. Surrounded by their innocent picket fences. I would have killed to be simple and clean like these little houses. Instead, I felt complicated and dirty and tainted. “I don’t like him,” I explained. “He annoys the hell out of me ninety-six percent of the time, and sometimes I’d like nothing better than to strangle him to death. But at the same time I… I want him to be happy. I think about him way more than I should, and I-”

“You love him.”

“No!” I shouted, spinning around to face her. “No, no, no! I do not love him, okay? Love is rare and hard to find and takes years upon years to develop. Teenagers don’t fall in love. I don’t love Wesley.”

“Fine,” Casey said. “But you have feelings for him, right?”

“Yeah.”

She glanced at me before turning back to the road, half grinning. “I knew it. I mean… all those jokes I made about it were just teasing, but I knew something would happen after you kissed him.”

“Shut up,” I muttered. “This sucks.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why is it a bad thing? So what if you have feelings for him. Isn’t that supposed to be great and exciting and give you butterflies in your tummy or whatever?”

“No,” I said. “It’s not great or exciting. It’s terrible. It’s excruciating.”

“But why?”

“Because he’ll never like me back!” God, wasn’t it obvious? Couldn’t she put two and two together? “He’ll never care about me that way, Casey. I’m wasting my time even thinking that it’s possible.”