Robert Pirsig - Lila. An Inquiry Into Morals

He gave it to her and she lifted the lid of the icebox and scooped some more ice into it. She added mix and booze and then filled her own glass. She saw the booze was halfway down the label already, when she heard a CLUNK! It was against the side of the boat.

Now what? she said.

The Captain shook his head. He said, Maybe a big branch or something. He got up and went past her and up on deck and she felt the boat tip a little as his footsteps went over to the side.

What is it? she said.

It’s the dinghy.

After a while he said, It’s never done that before… Come on up and help me put some fenders down and tie it alongside. We’ll bring it up in the morning.

She came up and watched him take two big rubber fenders and tie them to the rail so that they dangled over the side. He went over to the other side of the deck and came back with a long boat hook. She stood next to him while he reached out with the hook and brought the dinghy up against the side of the boat.

Hold it there, he said, and gave her the boat hook.

He went to a big box by the mast and opened it and took out a rope and then came back. He dropped the rope into the dinghy and then stepped and lowered himself down over the guard rail.

She looked around. It was so quiet here. Just the rolling of the cars across the bridge. The sky was still all orange from the light from the city but it was so peaceful you would never guess where they were.

When he was done the Captain grabbed the guard rail and pulled himself up again.

I figured it out, he said. It’s because the tide is changing… This is the first time I’ve seen this… Look around at all the other boats. You remember when we came they were all pointed toward the bridge? Now they’re all skewed around.

She looked and saw that all the boats were facing in different directions.

They’ll probably all be pointing away from the bridge after a while, he said. It’s warm enough out — let’s sit up here and watch it. I’m sort of fascinated by this, he said.

Lila brought up the bottles and ice and some sweaters and a blanket to put over them. She sat next to him and put the blanket over their legs together. Listen to how quiet it is, she said. It’s hard to believe we’re this close to New York.

They listened for a long time.

What are you going to do when you get to Manhattan? the Captain asked.

I’m going to find a friend of mine and see if he can help me, she said.

What if you can’t find him?

I don’t know. I could do a lot of things. Get a job waitressing or something like that… She looked at him but couldn’t see how he took it.

Who is this person you’re going to see in New York?

Jamie? He’s just an old friend.

How long have you known him?

Oh, two or three years, she said.

In New York?

Yes.

So you’ve lived there a long time?

Not so long, Lila said. I always liked it there. You can be anyone you want in New York and nobody will stop you.

She suddenly thought of something. You know what? she said, I bet you’d like him. You’d get along fine with him. He’s a sailor too. He worked on a ship once.

You know what? Lila said. He could, help us sail the boat to Florida… If you wanted to, I mean… I mean I could cook and he could steer and you could… well, you could give all the orders.

The Captain stared into his glass.

Just think about it, Lila said. Just the three of us going down to Florida.

After a while she said, He’s really friendly. Everybody likes him.

She waited a long time but the Captain didn’t answer. She said, If I could talk him into it would you take him?

I don’t think so, the Captain said. Three’s too many.

That’s because you haven’t met him, Lila said.

She took the Captain’s glass and filled it again and snuggled up to him to keep warm. He just wasn’t used to the idea.

Give him some time, she thought.

The cars rolled over the bridge one after another. Bright headlights went in one direction and red tail lights went in the other, on and on.

You remind me of someone, Lila said. Someone I remember from a long time ago.

Who?

I can’t remember… What did you do in high school?

Not much, he said.

Were you popular?

No.

You were unpopular?

Nobody paid much attention to me one way or the other.

Weren’t you on any teams?

The chess team.

You went to dances.

No.

Then where did you learn to dance?

I don’t know. I went for a couple of years to dancing school, the Captain said.

Well, what else did you do in high school?

I studied.

In high school?

I was studying to be a chemistry professor.

You should have studied to be a dancer. You were really good last night.

Suddenly Lila knew who he reminded her of. Sidney Shedar.

You’re not much of a ladies’ man, are you?

No, not at all, he said.

This person wasn’t either.

Chemistry’s not so bad if you’re into it, he said. It gets kind of exciting. I and another kid got the key to the school building and sometimes we’d come back at ten or eleven at night and go up to the chemistry laboratory and work on chemistry experiments until dawn.

Sounds weird.

No. Actually it was pretty great.

What did you do?

Adolescent stuff… The secret of life. I was working hard on that.

You should have stuck to dancing, Lila said. That’s the secret of life.

I was sure I was going to find it, studying proteins and genetics and things like that.

Really weird.

Is that what this other person was like? Sidney? Yes, I guess so. He was a real nerd.

Oh, the Captain said. And I remind you of him?

You both talk the same way. He used to ask a lot of questions too. He always had a lot of big ideas.

What was he like?

Nobody liked him very much. He was very smart and he was always trying to tell you about things you weren’t interested in.

What did he talk about?

Who knows! There was just something about him that made everybody mad at him. He didn’t really do anything bad. He just — I don’t know what it was — he just didn’t… He was smart but at the same time he was dumb. And he could never see how dumb he was because he thought he knew everything. Everyone used to call him Sad Sack.

And I remind you of him?

Yes.

If I’m such a nerd why did you dance with me last night? the Captain asked.

You asked me.

I thought you asked me.

Maybe I did, Lila said, I don’t know. You looked different maybe. They all look different at first.

You know Sidney really was smart, Lila said. About two years ago I was sitting at a table in this restaurant and I looked up and there he was, much older and he had glasses on and he was getting bald. He’s a pediatrician now. He’s got four children now. He was really nice. He said, "Hello, Lila," and we talked a long time.

What did he say?

He just wondered how I was and everything, and was I married and I said, "No, the right one hasn’t come along yet," and he laughed at that and said, "Someday he will."… You see what I mean? Lila said.