Alison Strobel - The Heart of Memory

Savannah found it easier to fake her agreement with Lori than it had been with anyone else. “That’s true. And at least you know you’ll see Charlie in heaven.” She might not believe in it anymore, but certainly it was what Lori wanted to hear.

But Lori’s countenance fell a bit at the comment. “Actually, I don’t believe I will. Charlie was an atheist.”

Savannah felt like Dorothy opening her front door when she first arrived in Oz. The whole world suddenly looked very different. “Really? Would you mind telling me about him?”

Some of the sun came back into Lori’s face. “I’d love to. Charlie was the only family I had left, and we were very close. I miss him, but it helps to talk about him.” She settled back with her coffee, but Savannah found herself on the edge of her seat.

“I think I mentioned in my letter that I’d prayed Charlie’s life would be somewhat redeemed by his organ donations. I prayed the night I got the call that the people receiving them would go on to do great things for God’s kingdom. He was a very wounded person, but never did anything to deal with those wounds, so his life just kept taking more and more tragic turns.

“Our father left us when I was eight and Charlie was four. I was old enough that I had plenty of memories to remind me of why it was good that he was gone, but Charlie didn’t. We both suffered for the lack of a father, but Charlie even more so. He sought him out twice, once when he was sixteen, and again when he was twenty-four Both times our father turned him away, and that made it all the more painful for him.

“Our mom was wounded, too, but she did as best she could by Charlie and me. She was gone a lot, though, working, so Charlie and I grew pretty close from depending on each other so much. He was my best friend until I met my husband. Oh!” Lori stood and crossed the room to the small brick fireplace framed in white wood. She picked up a picture frame from the mantle and handed it to Savannah. “This is him, two years ago on his birthday.”

Savannah found herself looking at a man she would have sworn she’d met before. Perhaps it was because of how much he looked like Lori – the same green eyes, the same round face and brown hair. His mouth was different, though, and his expression, despite the happy occasion, looked guarded, even though he was smiling for the camera.

“While we were growing up, we had neighbors that were Christians,” Lori continued as she went back to her seat. “Kirk became like a second father to Charlie. They’d go fishing, work on cars together-Kirk fixed up old Mustangs and the like, and Charlie loved to tinker with stuff like that. His wife Pauline was sweet, too, and would let me help her bake. She taught me to sew, too. But Charlie and Kirk were far closer than she and I were, I think because Kirk lost his father when he was young, so he knew how Charlie felt and how badly he needed a strong male role model.

“They’d invite us to church, though Mom wouldn’t let us go, and Pauline always had Christian music playing in the house. When I was sixteen she led me to the Lord. Charlie and Kirk didn’t talk about faith as much, but I talked with Charlie about it, and when he was about eighteen he started getting real curious and asking me more questions. I really thought he was going to cross the line at one point, but he kept backing away.”

Savanna stared at the picture as Lori told her story. She felt a connection with the man in the picture, like they’d spent time together or at least met in person. She’d never actively tried to visualize her donor, yet a mental image had coalesced over time, and it was eerily similar to this.

“But then one day Charlie went over to their house and then came right back. He was absolutely seething. He’d always struggled with anger, but Kirk’s easy-going nature had helped him to learn how to calm some of that down. This was the most angry I’d seen him in a long time. He told me that Pauline had answered the door and told him she’d kicked Kirk out. She’d caught him cheating on her. They ended up getting a divorce a couple months later. Kirk never came back, never saw Charlie – the last time Charlie had been there they’d been planning another fishing trip.” She shook her head and sipped her coffee again, and Savannah could feel the anger and sadness and betrayal as keenly as though it had happened to her.

“That was it for Charlie, as far as God was concerned. It pushed him over the edge. Between our father abandoning us and Kirk essentially doing the same thing, he was convinced any idea of a Heavenly Father was garbage. For a couple years we didn’t speak much – he didn’t like that I was a Christian. But our Mom died about eight years ago, and that brought us back together-we were all either of us had. We’d gotten really close again over the last couple years.

“I kept holding out hope that he’d turn to the Lord,” she said with a sigh. “He claimed to be an atheist, said God didn’t exist, but then other times he’d talk about how much he hated God. I’d point out the irony in hating something that didn’t exist, but he could never get over that. I kept thinking, ‘Well, maybe he believes God exists more than he realizes he does. That’s better than not believing he’s there at all!’ “ She gave Savannah a sad smile. “But he had his chance; he certainly didn’t die without hearing the truth.”

Savannah was stunned. Not believing God existed, but then hating him, too – it was as though Lori had read her mind. Goose-bumps rose on her arms.

“I have an album in the family room with more pictures of Charlie. Would you like to see them?”

Savannah nodded, feeling greedy for whatever information Lori was willing to share. “I’d love to. Thanks.”

Lori disappeared into another room and returned with a navy blue album with “Charlie” embossed on the front. The pictures were arranged chronologically, beginning with a hospital-blanket bundle with a baby’s face poking out. Savannah flipped the pages slowly, studying each image as though she’d be quizzed.

“What time does your flight leave tonight?” Lori asked.

“Seven forty-five.”

“My husband gets home at five and we usually eat dinner around five-thirty. We’d love to have you stay if you think you can still get to the airport on time.”

She’d arrived with the plan of darting out as soon as she could, but now she wished she were staying longer. “If it’s not an imposition, I would love that.”

She and Lori talked about less serious things as Savannah flipped through the album. She chuckled when she came to the more recent pictures-in each one Charlie wore jeans and long-sleeved T-shirts – though by this time she wasn’t surprised.

Lori’s husband Wayne arrived just before five, and was as pleasant and friendly as his wife. He and Savannah chatted while Lori made dinner-without Savannah’s help, though she’d offered – and Lori eventually called them to the table for a dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread. It was almost six when Savannah said she should get going soon.

“Let me bring out dessert before you go,” she said. She brought out a cake plate holding a glistening strawberry pie.

Savannah’s mouth watered, and she actually let out a groan of happiness. “You’d have no way to know this,” she said as she eyed the generous slice Lori cut for her, “but ever since the surgery I have had the most intense craving for strawberries.”

Lori handed her the plate with a smile. “That makes total sense,” she said. “It was Charlie’s favorite food.”

SHAUN SHUT DOWN HIS COMPUTER and sat in the quiet of his office. He was beginning to regret signing the lease on an office suite that was so small he’d have to be in a cubicle. It was getting harder and harder to be in the presence of his staff, and being able to hide in his office had become a means of survival for both him and them. They couldn’t whisper behind his back if he was right there, and he couldn’t pretend that everything was normal when he was stuck in the same depressed atmosphere as them. He could feel that tension every time he entered the room.