Alison Strobel - The Heart of Memory

The thought of Jessie getting engaged made Shaun ill. He couldn’t pay for a wedding. He couldn’t help them with a down payment on a house, or even co-sign on a loan, given how poor his credit was likely to be at that point. And he knew his daughter’s personality-she wouldn’t elope. She’d want a giant party, a bash with a band and ten bridesmaids, a guest list of at least two hundred people-probably more since, between the two of them, they knew practically the entire college student body.

No longer hungry, Shaun abandoned the stack of pancakes he’d made and went for a run. When he came back and finished his shower, Adam was gone. Jessie sat at the dining room table, surrounded by notecards and thick books with titles like, The Psychology of the Child and Brain Development and Learning from Birth Through Adolescence. He was so impressed with her passion for her future family. He’d heard of women going to college to find a husband, but he’d never heard of anyone using their college years to learn how to be a better wife and mother.

“Interesting reading,” he said as he pulled out a chair.

“Fascinating, yeah.” She smiled at him and he could see the twinkle in her eyes that she always got when Adam had been around. “When Adam saw what they were he asked if he could read them, too, so I’m not the only one who has any idea what’s going on with our kids.”

Shaun laughed to hide his anguish. “He’s already talking kids?”

“I know, can you believe it?” She flashed a self-conscious smile as a blush crept into her cheeks.

“Did they not invite you to lunch?”

“Oh, no, they did. I’m just really desperate to finish this project, and I know how big family lunches at their place can go. Before you know it you’ve been hanging out and talking with people so long that it’s time for dinner. I wouldn’t have wanted to leave once I was there, but I would have lost too much work time if I’d stayed.”

“Little Miss Responsible.”

“I’m a first-born, what can I say?”

“Can I make you some lunch?” he asked.

“Sure, thanks.”

He went back to the kitchen and put together soup and sandwiches for both of them. With Savannah gone again, he was determined not to grocery shop until every food in the house was eaten. He’d gone just a few days before she’d left, so he had plenty to work with at the moment. He made grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup to counter the chill of the mid-November day and set them up at the kitchen table so nothing spilled on Jessie’s project notes. “Thanks, Dad,” she said when she came to the table. “So much better than dorm food, even when it’s simple.”

“Glad you like it. Can Adam cook?” he asked with a wink.

She laughed. “Not really, no. Standard stuff he can handle, but a whole dinner, with sides and everything – not so much.”

“Ah, well, you’ll have to help him out then.” He chuckled when she blushed. “Oh, come on, you know we all think you two will get married.”

“You think so?”

“Don’t you?”

“Well…” she smiled. “Yeah.”

“Your mom saw it way before even you two did.”

“Really? Mom?”

“Oh, yes. She was thrilled when the two of you finally got together. She loves Adam.”

“You’re kidding. I didn’t know that.” She let out a snort. “Wish she loved everything else I was into.”

“She does, honey. Believe me. She’s got high standards, but it’s because she wants the best for people.”

The sunny look on Jessie’s face was gone. She stirred her soup, her eyes focused on her bowl. “Well if she wants me to reach my full potential she should be trying to spend a little more time with me instead of swooping in to criticize me at every turn.”

He covered her free hand with his own. “Hey, trust me Jess, I know how it feels to play second fiddle to A &A. But your mom takes her calling very seriously – “

“She was called to be a mother first. Either she forgot about that or God did. Either way, I’m not too happy with either of them in that regard.”

She pushed away her half-eaten soup and untouched sandwich. “I’m not really hungry. I’m going to get back to work.”

Shaun let her disappear back into the dining room without trying to stop her. He had his way of coping, and she had hers – he wasn’t going to push her to be okay with things. It hurt him to see the chasm between her and Savannah, but at this point he wasn’t sure it would be wise to encourage healing between the two of them anyway. Who knew who Savannah might be as time went on? And at this rate, there soon wouldn’t be an A &A to compete with, anyway.

SAVANNAH SAT IN THE ROCKING chair on the second story porch and watched the peach trees sway in unison with the wind. She pulled the quilt tighter around her shoulders and reluctantly admitted the weather was turning too cool to sit outside. She retreated to her room down the hall, quilt still around her shoulders, and shut herself in the Spartan room before she ran into anyone. She’d talked to a few others since arriving, and everyone was very gracious and kind, even those who recognized her name. But she didn’t feel like she could truly relate to them, given she had no real reason for hating God the way she did, and she was reluctant to give them the impression that she empathized completely with their situation. She chose instead to wander the main rooms during the group activities when everyone else was engaged, and kept her interactions with others limited to meals.

Boredom was becoming a problem, however. And boredom eventually led to her thinking, and thinking eventually led her to dwelling on her future, which she was loathe to consider. She was tired of reading, tired of sleeping, tired of staring at the orchard from the porch. What she really wanted to do was cook.

The food at The Refuge had been excellent so far. More than once Savannah had wanted to venture behind the swinging wood door and talk shop with Aniyah, the Creole woman Tabitha claimed was the best undiscovered treasure in the world of Southern cuisine. Savannah agreed, and had offered her thanks to the cook more than once when she’d brought out another plate of food to the long table where everyone ate together. But she hadn’t been ready to risk the possibility of an actual conversation that might turn to spiritual things, which was likely given the nature of The Refuge, especially when talking with people who had gone through the program. Aniyah had done that four years ago. She’d just never left.

Savannah looked around the room once more, just in case something interesting had materialized when she hadn’t been looking. No dice. She headed for the kitchen.

Aniyah played Motown girl groups as she worked. The music could be heard through most of the first floor unless multiple doors were closed between you and her. She sang along with a voice that rivaled Diana Ross’s and delivered just as much soul. Savannah paused outside the door, reluctant to interrupt the karaoke cooking. She waited for the song to end, her mouth watering at the scent that wafted under the door, and when “Ain’t No Mountain” faded to silence she slowly entered.

Three giant steel pots sat on the industrial sized range, steam billowing to the copper hood above them. Four squat rice cookers stood in a line on the counter, and at the island stood Aniyah, her fists punching bread dough in a huge ceramic bowl. “Well, now, looking for a snack? Don’t ruin your appetite for dinner, now, or you’ll be sorry when the gumbo comes around and you don’t have room.”

Savannah was six years old again, peeking into her grandmother’s kitchen in the hours leading up to a big family meal. It was the place where she first came to love the principles of good cooking-fresh ingredients, combined with skill and attention to detail, to nourish those you loved. Aniyah couldn’t have been more than forty, but her stout form conjured memories of Savannah’s Mimi, and she exuded a wisdom and authority that set Savannah back to feeling like a child eager to help and showcase her own budding abilities. But unlike her grandmother, who would shoo her from her workspace with a hand-embroidered tea towel when she spilled the flour or over-mixed the cake batter, Aniyah reached out a hand and said, “My sidekick is out sick, and I’m drowning in the details today. If you’re looking for something to do, come on in and lend a hand.”