Alison Strobel - The Heart of Memory

Her eyes got big. “Wow. That’s a long time.”

He huffed out a chuckle. “Yes, it is.”

“But then what?”

“Well, hopefully the medications will help take some of the pressure off her heart and let it heal. Once it does…” he shrugged. “She’ll be back to normal.”

Jessie nodded slowly. “That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

“So… anything else?”

“Well, she asked me to get her laptop to her sometime today. I was hoping you could take it to her.”

She made a face. “I don’t know if I’ll have time. Adam and I have to finish planning the freshman welcome dinner, and I’m working until five-”

“Jessie, this is your mother. She’s lonely in there.”

Jessie rolled her eyes. “Come on, Dad, we both know she’s not desperate for me to visit.”

He arched his brows in reproach. “You’re her daughter. Of course she wants to see you.”

She sighed, slumping back against the pillows. “Come on, Dad. You know we don’t get along.”

“I know – and that’s why I think you ought to go in and see her. How often do you two spend time alone together? Your relationship will never improve if you’re never together.”

“But, Dad, hanging out with someone and hanging out in the ICU are completely different. Seriously, it’s just going to feel forced. She’ll know it, and I’ll know it, and it’ll be totally uncomfortable.”

He remembered yesterday afternoon, when Savannah had gone off about them not being spiritual enough lately. Maybe with that personal awakening her eyes would be opened to how distant she was from her own daughter. “She may be a little… easier to relate to.” He put up his hands in surrender. “Look, you’re an adult; you can make your own decisions. Just bring her the laptop and leave if you want to.”

“Oh, right, that would be really nice.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re telling me everything, right? They didn’t give her only a month to live or anything?”

“Well, no. They think it’s serious, but they seem to think they’ll be able to get it under control.”

“But what if they can’t?”

He hadn’t wanted to get into the what if’s. He let out a long breath. “If they can’t, she might need a heart transplant.”

Her eyes went wide. “Oh-oh wow.”

“Yeah. But really, they don’t seem to think it will get that bad. Although being cooped up in there by herself might be enough to do her in,” he said, attempting a joke.

Jessie looked at the clock, then back at him with a look of resignation. “I work at noon; I’ll go see her before then.”

He stood and planted a kiss on her forehead. “You’re a good daughter.”

“You’re a good dad. And guilt-tripper.”

He laughed for the first time in two days. “Thanks, I think.”

Shaun got in the car and headed for A &A. He hadn’t planned on working today, but Savannah had insisted. “The only thing you can do here is sit in an uncomfortable chair all day and read while I nap.” She was right, of course, but he still felt like he should be there – if for no other reason than to monitor how her spirits were doing. He hadn’t said anything to her before leaving, but by the time he was finally kicked out of the ICU, he was concerned at how much she’d slept and how much more drawn she looked. Certainly it was just the shock of the previous 24 hours of tests and news and constantly being awakened by nurses when she was trying to nap. But still…

He shook the thoughts from his head. No use borrowing trouble. She was in the best place possible if she truly was deteriorating, and dwelling on it wouldn’t fix anything. He had other things to think about, like the hospital bills that would be rolling in soon. A &A had decent insurance, but it didn’t cover anything 100%, and he knew hospitals were notorious for gouging you on even the smallest items, like ten bucks for an aspirin. He needed to start planning now for when those statements came, because they had no money right now to pay them.

He could think of a few ways to save some money here and there, like not going grocery shopping while she was away and just eating what they had in the house. Jessie usually had one meal at home, sometimes two, and he could skip breakfast. Over a week that wouldn’t amount to much, but he could get used to it now and then keep it up when Savannah came home. Over the long run it would help a little.

But not nearly enough. He knew that for sure. The only way he could think to get more would be to skim more from A &A. And in order to do that, he’d need to get rid of Nick.

Savannah would be mad when she found out. But he had to do it. What choice was there? If Nick was as conscientious as he appeared to be, it wouldn’t take long before he figured out Shaun’s scheme.

He didn’t anticipate any pushback; one of the reasons he’d hired Nick was because one of his references mentioned something about Nick’s avoidance of confrontation. As long as Shaun stayed firm, chances were Nick would slink away and never come back.

Shaun pulled into the parking lot and sat in his car for a minute, psyching himself up. He wished he could just get it over with, but he didn’t want to do it at the beginning of the day when everyone was around to see Nick pack up. He’d catch him around 4, ask him to stop by Shaun’s office before he left for the evening.

As for what Shaun would do until then, he had his work cut out for him. Time to start reacquainting himself with how to do the job of an accountant.

JESSIE TOOK THE LONG WAY to the hospital, giving herself time to let her emotions sort themselves out before facing her mother. She was angry with Shaun for guilting her into going. But mostly she was scared. Scared to go to the hospital, a place she’d only been one other time, to say goodbye to a dying friend in high school. Scared to see her normally vibrant and healthy mother in the stark white bed. And, despite her chronic irritation with Savannah, she was scared her mother might die.

Yes, Savannah drove her nuts, with her critical view of everything Jessie did and her disinterest in building a more solid relationship with her daughter. Yes, she was sick of being in Savannah’s shadow, of hearing someone’s squeal of excitement when first meeting Jessie and discovering she was the daughter of “that Savannah Trover.” Yes, she was tired of being an involuntary spokesperson for A &A. But a girl needs her mother, and Jessie was no exception.

Knowing there was a chance, even a slim one, that Savannah might pass brought Jessie to tears. A tiny sliver of her heart still held to the dream of their relationship changing. Maybe it was time to start doing whatever she could to make that dream happen. It would have to be a two-way street, but if she didn’t get things going she might lose her chance.

But how?

Jessie parked the car in the visitor’s lot but kept it running as she analyzed her typical reactions with Savannah. She didn’t usually engage much, choosing instead to do whatever needed to be done with Savannah as quickly as possible and then retreating. And when Savannah said something that irked her, or hurt, or insulted, Jesse’s typical response was sarcasm or anger or passive-aggressiveness. She winced at the realization. Maybe their poor relationship wasn’t completely her mother’s fault after all.

“Okay, so what do I do differently?” She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, staring at the lobby doors, waiting for inspiration. “A little help?” she prayed aloud, glancing to the sky and then frowning when it dawned on her that she’d never really prayed about her relationship with her mom. Figures it would take the possibility of death for me to finally start. I’m sorry I’m such a dunce, God.