Gary Shteyngart - Super Sad True Love Story

“Eunice,” I said. “My love.” But that sounded too small. “My life,” I said. Eunice’s legs were spread, and she was trying to accommodate me. “You are my life.”

“What?”

“You are- ”

“Shhh,” she said, rubbing my pale shoulders. “Shush, Lenny. Be quiet, my sweet, sweet tuna-brain.”

I pressed myself inside her all the more, trying to wend my way into a place from which I would never depart. When I arrived there, when her muscles tensed and clasped me, when her collarbone jutted out, when the spectacular late-June twilight detonated across my simple bedroom and she groaned with what I hoped was pleasure, I saw that there were at least two truths to my life. The truth of my existence and the truth of my demise. With my mind’s eye floating over my bald spot and, beneath that, the thick tendrils of Eunice’s mane spilling over three supportive pillows, I saw her strong, vital legs with their half-moon calves and between them the chalky white bulk of me moored, righted, held in place for life. I saw the tanned, boyish body beneath me, and the new summertime freckles, and the alert nipples that formed tight brown capsules between my fingers, and felt the melody of her garlicky, sweet, slightly turned breath-and I began, with the kind of insistence that brings out heart attacks in men six years older than myself, to plunge in and out of Eunice’s tightness, a desperate animal growl filtering out of my lungs. Eunice’s eyes, wet and compassionate, watched me do what I needed to do. Unlike others of her generation, she was not completely steeped in pornography, and so the instinct for sex came from somewhere else inside her; it spoke of the need for warmth instead of debasement. She lifted up her head, enveloping me with her own heat, and bit the soft protuberance of my lower lip. “Don’t leave me, Lenny,” she whispered into my ear. “Don’t please ever leave me.”

CHUNG.WON.PARK TO EUNI-TARD:

Eunhee,

We terrible worry right now because it sound like bad political situation in Manhattan. You should move back to Fort Lee and be family. This is more important than study for LSAT even. Remember we are old people and we see history. Daddy and I live through bad time in Korea when many people die on street, student young people like you and Sally. Make sure you no political. Make sure Sally no political. Some time she talk. We want come see you Tuesday coming up. Reverend Suk he was teacher to our Reverend Cho bring his special sinners crusade to madison square garden from Korea and we think all family should go and pray and we go to dinner later and meet this meeguk boy you say just Roommate. I am dissapoint you lie to me that you live with Joy Lee but I thank Jesu that you and Sally alive and safe. Even Daddy is so quiet now because he is Grateful and on his knee before God. This is difficult time. We come to America and now what happen to America? We worry. What it was all for? When we first come, before you were born, it was not so easy. You dont know how Daddy struggle for patient, even poor Mexican who has no insurance and he pay fifty dollar a hundred dollar. Even now he struggle. Maybe we make big mistake.

So please, make time for us Tuesday. Dress nice, nothing cheap or like “ho” but I always trust how you wear. Daddy say now there is road block on GW bridge and also holland tunnel. So how people from New Jersey suppose come?

Love you,

Mommy

EUNI-TARD: Sally, are you okay?

SALLYSTAR: Yeah. You? This is insane. We’ve been “advised” not to leave the campus. Some of the Midwestern first years are freaking out. I’m putting together an info session to help everyone deal.

EUNI-TARD: I do not want you doing ANYTHING Political! Do you hear me? This is the one time I think mom’s like 100 percent right. Please, Sally, just promise me.

SALLYSTAR: Okay.

EUNI-TARD: This is SERIOUS. I am your older sister, Sally.

SALLYSTAR: I said OKAY.

SALLYSTAR: Eunice, why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend?

EUNI-TARD: Because I have to be a “roll model” according to mom.

SALLYSTAR: That’s not funny. It’s like you’re not even my sister if you can’t tell me these things.

EUNI-TARD: Well, it’s not like we’re a normal family, right? We’re a special family. Ha ha. Anyway, he’s not really my bf. It’s not like we’re getting married. I told mom he’s my roommate.

SALLYSTAR: What’s he like? Is he muh-shee-suh?

EUNI-TARD: Does that matter? I mean, it’s not really about looks with this guy. He’s not Korean either, just so you know and can get judge-mental on me.

SALLYSTAR: I guess as long as he treats you well.

EUNI-TARD: Ugh, I don’t want to be having this conversation.

SALLYSTAR: Is he coming to the crusade on Tuesday?

EUNI-TARD: Yes. So please act brain-smart. Do you know anything about Classics? I mean like texts?

SALLYSTAR: I just scanned Euro Classics but I don’t remember a thing there were so many text pages. Something by this guy Grayham Green about a Vietnamese girl called Phuong, like the girl who worked at Lee’s Banh Mi in Gardena. Why do we have to impress him?

EUNI-TARD: We don’t. I just want him to know we’re a smart family.

SALLYSTAR: I’m sure mom will act nice and then say really mean things behind his back.

EUNI-TARD: They’ll just sit there and dad will drink and make those throat-clearing noises.

SALLYSTAR: Muhuuhuhuhuhmm.

EUNI-TARD: Hah! I love it when you imitate dad. I miss you.

SALLYSTAR: Why don’t you come to dinner with Uncle Joon Friday? Maybe sans boyfriend.

EUNI-TARD: I like that “sans.” That’s brain-smart. I don’t really want to see Uncle Joon. He’s a fucking deadbeat.

SALLYSTAR: That’s mean.

EUNI-TARD: He yelled at me last Thanksgiving when he visited from Korea because mom and I got a turkey that’s too large. And his wife went shopping in Topanga and she bought Dad a pair of pliers for, like, sixteen bucks, not even yuan-pegged, and kept saying “Oh, make sure your dad knows this gift from me.” Do you know how much money dad’s given that idiot husband of hers and she bought him some pliers in return?

SALLYSTAR: They’re family. And their taxi business isn’t doing good. It’s the thought that counts.

EUNI-TARD: They’re the only people in Korea not making any money these days. Retards.

SALLYSTAR: Why are you so angry all the time? What’s your bf’s name?

EUNI-TARD: I’m just an angry person by nature. And I hate it when people take advantage of other people. His name is Lenny. I told you he’s really not my bf.

SALLYSTAR: Did he graduate your year from college?

EUNI-TARD: Um, he’s 15 years older.

SALLYSTAR: Oh, Eunice.

EUNI-TARD: Whatever. He’s smart. And he takes care of me. And if you and mom are going to hate him then it’s only going to make me like him more.

SALLYSTAR: I’m not going to hate him. Is he Christian or Catholic?

EUNI-TARD: Neither! He’s circumcised. Ha ha.

SALLYSTAR: I don’t get it.

EUNI-TARD: He’s Jewish. I call him kokiri. You’ll see why!

SALLYSTAR: That’s interesting, I guess.

EUNI-TARD: What have you been eating?

SALLYSTAR: Just some mangoes with this fresh Greek yogurt they got at the cafeteria now.

EUNI-TARD: For lunch? Are you snacking?

SALLYSTAR: I had an avocado.

EUNI-TARD: They’re good for you but they’re fatty.

SALLYSTAR: OK. Thanks.