Kingsley Amis - Russian Hide-and-Seek

He finished the sandwich, carried his glass of wine across to the card table, where the players were examining their newly-dealt hands, and looked over his father’s shoulder, uncomprehendingly, for he despised the game too much ever to have learned the rules. There was a respectable pile of £100 and £500 coins and £1000 notes in front of Mrs Tabidze. Raising his whiskered face in calculation, Korotchenko gave Alexander a passing look of entire neutrality.

‘I’m afraid you gentlemen are in for another thrashing,’ said Mrs Tabidze with pretended menace. ‘Misère.’

Her husband groaned. ‘Shoulder to shoulder, lads.’

Furtively, Alexander took stock of the rest of the party. His mother, gros-point on lap, was talking in low tones to Mrs Korotchenko, who seemed to be actually responding, or at least paying attention, her display of coolness towards him seemingly ended, if it had ever been. The others had momentarily fallen silent; when his eye reached her Elizabeth was already looking at him and within a second Nina was too. Then they looked at each other. Their expressions were alike, though he could not have said what they expressed. In different circumstances he would have gone over and asked them, but not in these. He decided he would have to stick it out where he was, a policy that achieved its end when Nina leaned over and said, ‘May we go up, mummy?’ – a formula requesting a short leave of absence for the younger guests and members of the household, invariably granted. When the three left, he left with them.

‘Did you have a nice walk, Alexander?’ asked Elizabeth as soon as the drawing-room door was shut after them.

‘Yes, very pleasant, thank you.’

‘She didn’t seem to think so.’

‘Didn’t she?’ he said lightly, then, having thought about it, repeated with more emphasis, ‘Oh, didn’t she?’ So much for only Korotchenko noticing.

‘No, she didn’t. But she should have, eh? – There’s something funny here, Nina. What do you think?’

‘Let’s wait till we’ve got him behind doors upstairs.’

‘I find this atmosphere of inquisition quite intolerable,’ said Alexander, but relief and triumph together saw to it that he spoke with only a poor show of petulance. ‘Theodore, you must protect me.’

‘What can I do? What can two of us do against two of them?’

‘And such a two. One quiet and deadly, the other brassy and violent.’

‘There’s gratitude for you,’ said Nina.

Theodore nodded gravely. ‘You notice they don’t dispute the way you described them.’

‘You notice something else, Lizzie,’ said Nina: ‘the younger one objected to the inquisition, but he didn’t need to ask what it was going to be about.’

‘Highly significant,’ said Elizabeth.

By way of the eastern half of the first-floor gallery they had reached Nina’s sitting-room, which lay directly opposite Alexander’s bedroom with her bedroom opening off it. Objects of various sizes were strewn about: photographs of her parents, of Alexander and of her elder brother Basil (at present serving with the army of occupation in Manchuria), a photograph-album bound in some substance resembling red leather, an ash-wood spinning wheel, an ornamental cage containing a siskin (all the way from home), a full-sized stuffed brown bear, a boruldite quick-kettle and a superb three-inch astroscope. The inevitable music-sounder, instrument and reproducer in one, stood under its hood in the corner. There were also chairs, in or on which they seated themselves, though Nina at once jumped up to hand round cigarettes and tiny silver-rimmed glasses of koumissette. All accepted the first, but Theodore, who disliked sweet drinks, asked for and got soda-water instead of the liqueur.

‘Now,’ said Elizabeth, with the manner of one who calls a meeting to order, ‘what happened out there?’

‘In the sense you no doubt mean, very little,’ said Alexander equably.

‘How much is very little?’

‘There was some kind of embrace.’

‘Come on, darling, we haven’t got all night,’ said Nina. ‘We’re all dying to hear. It won’t go any further.’

‘All right. There was a long, fairly passionate embrace with a certain amount of intimate caressing. Oh, enough to establish that the bosom is real, if you must know.’

Elizabeth shook her shapely blonde head. ‘I’m afraid it’s still not enough. Not nearly enough.’

‘Enough for what?’

‘Enough to explain… Let me show you.

She got up, folded her arms and, advancing first one hip, then the other, minced slowly across the room and back, rolling her shoulders and wagging her head to and fro, lips pushed forward, eyebrows raised. Now and then she held up her hands and examined the nails. While she did all this she hummed, whistled, sang wordlessly. Nina huddled herself up in laughter; Theodore smiled in puzzlement.

‘What’s that supposed to be?’ asked Alexander.

‘You when you came in from the garden, of course, acting a word like Unconcern or Casualness in a mime. Nobody of your age and experience puts on a show like that just for a couple of kisses and a feel-up. How far did you really get, Alexander?’

‘Oh, damn it. Look, if I tell you something, will you promise absolutely not to let it out to anyone? Or refer to it again?’

They all nodded seriously.

‘Well, she said she thought I was very handsome. Like… don’t shoot me… like a Greek god. There. It sounds pretty silly and embarrassing when I tell you three, but when she said it I promise you I felt absolutely marvellous. Quite marvellous enough to make me want to strut about with a big grin on my face. That’s what I was guarding against. It seems I overdid it a trifle.’

Elizabeth laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. Theodore too seemed quite satisfied. Nina smiled thoughtfully at her brother. After a moment she said,

‘If she thinks you’re so handsome, why was she annoyed with you? It’s harder than ever to see the reason for that.’

‘It is odd, isn’t it? But are you sure it was annoyance and not tiredness, say, or…?’

‘Oh yes, quite sure – eh, Nina?’

‘Well, it was something all right, but I wouldn’t swear it was annoyance. She… she was certainly not pleased about something.’

‘Something to do with me?’

‘Oh yes,’ said Nina, ‘there was no doubt about that at all.’

‘Ah. I suppose it could have been… No.’

‘Could have been what?’ asked Elizabeth.

‘It sounds so conceited I can hardly say it, but it’s the only explanation that occurs to me. She was disappointed. That I didn’t go the whole hog.’

‘Why didn’t you?’

‘Well, she seemed so decided when she stopped me, and I haven’t had much to do with females of her age and station. I didn’t want to rush my fences. Fancy me getting it wrong -that way round.’

‘Did you arrange to see her again?’ asked Nina.

‘No. She happened to mention where she lived, and I decided I could always find myself in the neighbourhood and drop in one afternoon when the Deputy-Director is snoring his head off in his office. But I didn’t say anything about that because I wanted to think things over in a more settled frame of mind.’

Nina put out her cigarette with a decisive twist. ‘That was it. She thought that having tried her you came to the conclusion you didn’t want her after all. I’m surprised at you, my love. You’ve probably spoiled your chances there for good.’

‘Just as well, probably. It would have been a lot to take on. But it’s a pity; I think she’s very attractive in an odd way.’

‘It’s odd all right,’ said Elizabeth. ‘Tremendous tits and starved-looking face. And that hair-cut, what’s the idea of that? If she wants to look boyish that’s not the place to start.’